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Be warned

Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Jeff Ennis (Barnsley, East and Mexborough) (Lab): Does the Secretary of State agree that the British Federation of Brass Bands, which is based in Barnsley...will play a vital role in making a success of the Cultural Olympiad?

Andy Burnham: On brass bands, I am absolutely confident that the rich heritage that my hon. Friend describes...will play a very important part in our Olympic celebrations. Source

I wonder what Fanfare for the Common Man rendered by the Grimethorpe Colliery Band or somesuch would sound like?

Judging from this rendition by the Noo Yawk Phil, possibly quite good.

For those of us of a certain vintage, that piece of music will always be associated with ELP showing off in an empty stadium, so by presumed popular request:







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posted by Croydonian

"The World's Largest Outdoor Steroid Abuse Fest" - The 'benefits' just keep on coming

Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Might an abbreviation to 'WLOSAF' be in order?

Anyway, the following is headlined at the Mayor's Evening Standard 'rebuttal' unit press office:

"London to benefit from nearly a hundred 2012 Games training camps".

Even the headline sounds more than a tad threatening - it might mean the Kazakh fencing squad pitching tents in Hyde Park or somesuch - but the reality is not so amusing, and by no stretch of the imagination a 'benefit' for Londoners:

"Mayor of London Ken Livingstone has welcomed the news that 96 sports centres and facilities across the capital have been selected to appear in a national guide listing training venues for athletes in the run up to the 2012 Games...Out of the 96 training venues selected in London, two thirds are from non-host boroughs, spreading the benefits of staging the 2012 Games across the city. Out of the 36 Olympic sporting disciplines, London is providing training facilities for 28 of them, which include a mixture of major and specialist centres including universities and schools, community facilities, and sport specific clubs".

So, the 'benefit' for Londoners will be that access to the local swimming pool, football pitch, gym etc etc will be curtailed because said Kazakh fencing squad, Ecuadorean volleyball players and for all I know the Vanuatu underwater tiddlywinks team have first call on the facilities.

Croydon, is part of the rather unpleasantly named South East London Cluster, and appears to have got off comparatively lightly in that only a judo club is up for a takeover. That sundry combat sports are being offered training facilities in the grimmer east London boroughs suggests a joke that is too obvious to be worth cracking.

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posted by Croydonian

An Olympic disaster on the horizon.

Monday, January 28, 2008
But this time it is the Chinese who have problems, rather than us - lots and lots (and lots) of unsold tickets:

"Only 450,000 tickets for this summer's Olympic Games have been successfully allocated, accounting for about a quarter of the tickets available for sale in the second phase, the Beijing Olympics Organizing Committee said on Sunday". Source

Clearly there will be no problem filling the stadium for the more appealing athletic events, but I will offer the usual odds that thousands of unfortunates will be bussed in to fill up arenas and the like for lesser events. Come 2012, if the wretched event has not been cancelled, expect an awful lot of complimentary tickets being dished out to school children.

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posted by Croydonian

Strength through joy

Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Messing about with national constitutions seems to be all the rage at the moment, and following on from the French stopwatch nonsense, the Germans now face the prospect of "sport becom[ing] a constitutional objective".

It turns out that fads have been incorporated into the constitution, or basic law before, as it was with tree-hugging a few years back:

Art 20 (a) "Mindful also of its responsibility toward future generations, the state shall protect the natural bases of life by legislation and, in accordance with law and justice, by executive and judicial action, all within the framework of the constitutional order".

I feel sorry for those Germans who just want to sprawl on the couch and watch anything but fußball. Maybe they can be persuaded to take the World's Largest Outdoor (and Indoor) Steroid-Abuse Fest off out hands.

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posted by Croydonian

Tessa Jowell 'out on the tiles'?

Tuesday, December 11, 2007
That is what the Minister for the North East thinks she was up to yesterday:

"My right hon. Friend the Minister for the Olympics had hoped to attend the debate, but she is metaphorically “Over the hills and far away”—no doubt “Out on the tiles”—so that leaves me to say to my hon. Friend, “Your time is gonna come”. Through “Good times, bad times”, my hon. Friend has been a champion for Middlesbrough and for Cleveland".

The oh so waggish Nick Brown was responding to Middlesborough MP Ashok Kumar, who wants the Olympics to benefit the North East. Doubtless. Perhaps he could start by getting the Smoggies to stump up part of the cost of "The world's largest outdoor steroid abuse festival".

Brown may well have secured a freebie to see the Led Zeppelin reunion last night, hence the blizzard of Zep references above. Can't say that either Brown or Kumar strike me as Zep afficionados, but who knows?

However, he chose all the wrong song titles. From LZI he could have picked the rather more apt 'Dazed & Confused', 'Communication breakdown, from LZII 'What is and should never be', The Lemon Song' and 'Ramble on'. This is like hunting sheep with a 12-bore, isn't it? Getting a touch more edgy, there's 'Gallows Pole' on LZ3, 'The Wanton Song' on Physical Graffiti and the Blind Willie Johnson, Josh White etc derived 'Nobody's fault but mine' on Presence.

Meanwhile, back at the plot, was La Jowell ever reconciled with her husband, if so what would he think of the accusation?

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posted by Croydonian

'Tessa Jowell says something interesting' shocker

Thursday, November 22, 2007
And its right there in Hansard:

Mr. Stewart Jackson: To ask the Minister for the Olympics what support is available for (a) Peterborough City Council and (b) other local authorities in Cambridgeshire to develop their strategies and policies in relation to the hosting of the London 2012 Olympics.

Tessa Jowell: The Local Government Association is supporting local authorities across the UK in the lead up to the London 2012 Olympic Games and Paralympic Games. In addition the Nations and Regions Group, chaired by Charles Alien, coordinates legacy benefits planning across the UK, including in the East of England.

Explains a lot, does it not?

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posted by Croydonian

The Olympics...

Monday, November 12, 2007
My loathing of the forthcoming open air steroid abuse festival is rivalled only by that which I have for Christmas, so I was a little surprised that the research on attitudes to the London Olympics was so positive at 76%.

However, it is usually worth drilling into the detail to see what is being whitewashed, and lo and behold, the underlying figures are just a little more complex.

Respondents were not offered the chance to be anything other than variations of pleased or unpleased, apart from the mouth-breathers who opted for 'don't know'. There was no 'neutral', 'don't care' etc etc. So, adding together quite pleased with quite unpleased, one ends up with a middle ground of 49% - not exactly the resounding support that Jowell is braying about. 38% are very / extremely pleased, or not much more than a third.

Here in London, where we actually have to pay for the wretched event, a clear majority (57%) reckon it will make no difference to our lives or make them worse. A slender majority (52%) see a similar impact on their area.

A heartening finding is that the Great British public is refusing to be bullied into getting off the couch: asked "whether will be encouraged to do more sport or physical activity than now as we get closer to the London 2012 Olympic and Paralympic Games", a resounding 80% said no, or they would do less (after all,'We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by'). Similarly, the pious bromides about cultural activities and volunteering get the back of the hand treatment too: 75% and 86% respectively.

Naturally, no questions were asked about the cost of 2012, still less questions on value.

Anyway, here is the pay off paragraph in the report:

"People have generally heard both good and bad news about the London Games, though findings suggest that newspapers may be the main source of bad news. It seems that regarding the aims of hosting the Olympic Games and Paralympic Games, people are most intereseted (sic) in, and positive about the creation of jobs, opportunities for business, and the involvement of young people in the community. People perhaps need more inspiration, belief and knowledge that other aims will be achieved".

So, stand by for lots of moaning from the government about the generally stout work being done by the Evening Standard, and a barrage of propaganda aimed at 'correcting' those in error.

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posted by Croydonian

The art of the pointless press release - a master class from Margaret Hodge

Wednesday, September 26, 2007
The DCMS have put out a release with this headline:

"Taking the Cultural Olympiad to the UK's regions - Culture Minister Margaret Hodge names eight creative programmers for England".

Seeing the headline I reckoned it would be worth checking the names for known Labour party collaborators, but alas this was not possible, as despite there being the thick end of one thousand words of blether, the eight lucky quangocrats are not named. No they are not.

However, it does have a link to a comparatively high resolution image of Margaret Hodge for her fans to download and keep.

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posted by Croydonian

Tessa Jowell, slave labour enthusiast

Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Our old 'friend' Tessa Jowell has poked her head out from under the wainscotting, and is engaging in the logically curious concept of celebrating an event that has not yet happened:

"Olympics Minister Tessa Jowell today celebrated one year to the Opening Ceremony of the Olympic Games in Beijing by pledging to learn from the Chinese experience".

So, we can look forward to slave labour, extermination of the indigenous culture of outlying parts of these islands, a one child per couple policy, a one party state, a virtually zero score on the classic liberal rights and so on. Nice experience to learn from, eh?

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posted by Croydonian

What have they done to deserve this?

Tuesday, June 26, 2007


Say hello to Derek Wyatt, MP for Sittingbourne and Sheppey, proud possessor of a majority of 79. Rather than addressing his efforts to the doubtless good burghers of S 'n' S, he appears to have a bee in his bonnet about the Olympic games. Not as one would hope, by seeking to rid the country of the horror that will befall us in 2012, but rather to inflict similar horrors elsewhere:

"I thank the Secretary of State for that. There are five rings in the Olympic flag, representing the five continents. Only two and a half continents have yet had an Olympics. If by 2024 or 2028 the games have not gone to Africa, south America, India or the middle east, what is the point of them? I wonder whether she could widen the remit of the legacy to include what legacy we will give back to the IOC for the games". Source.

Two and a half? Take your pick of the half from North America, Asia, Europe and Australasia. If the wretched al fresco steroid abuse fest has not thus far made it to the banks of the Nile, Amazon, Indus or Euphrates, perhaps it is because none of those countries have applied, or if they have, that bids were deemed inadequate. A little light googling shows that there are prospective candidates, of varying degrees of seriousness, for 2016 and 2020 that cover all of those regions and more. I'm sure that a Tel Aviv games - 'conducting feasibility study, admits challenges' - or ones in Dubai, Azerbaijan or Qatar would go just swimmingly.

If the bally thing has to keep going, might it not be an idea to site it permanently in Greece, perhaps?

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posted by Croydonian

An object lesson in hypocrisy

Friday, May 18, 2007

"China's foreign minister warned Friday that attempts to politicize Beijing's Olympic Games by highlighting the Darfur crisis will fail. There are a handful of people who are trying to politicize the Olympic Games," Yang Jiechi said at a press briefing with visiting British Foreign Secretary Margaret Beckett. "Their objectives ... will never be attained." Source. The original item has since lost a quote from Beckett where she was a little too supportive of the Chinese position over Darfur for anyone with a scrap of decency, but I suppose neither comes as a surprise.

Amnesty has reported on weapons sales to Khartoum, noting "Sudan imported $24 million worth of arms and ammunition from the People’s Republic of China, as well as nearly $57 million worth of parts and aircraft equipment and $2 million worth of parts of helicopters and aeroplanes from China, according to the data from Sudan for 2005, the last available trade figures. During a meeting in Beijing, the Defence Minister of China reportedly told Sudan's joint chief of staff that military relations had been "developing smoothly" and said: "[We] are willing to further develop military co-operation between our two countries in all areas."The Chinese company AviChina Industry and Technology recently delivered six K-8 military training/attack aircraft to the Sudanese Air Force and a further six will follow soon"...."Amnesty International is concerned that the Sudan Air Force has transferred these jet bombers to Darfur without authority from the UN Sanctions Committee and is highly likely to use these newly acquired jets, as it has other aircraft, and the acquisition of expertise to fly the jets supplied from China, for indiscriminate attacks in Darfur in violation of the UN arms embargo and international humanitarian law, thus also posing serious questions about the systems of accountability and training provided to the Sudan Air Force to ensure respect for that universal law".

Elsewhere, the BBC noted: "But Mr Yang said a campaign to boycott the Olympics is "against the spirit of the games. It also runs against the aspirations of all the people of the world, thus their aims will never be achieved."

And guess which highly populous nation in Asia with a name beginning with a 'C' boycotted Moscow 1980....

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posted by Croydonian

Two birds with one stone

Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Someone's a bit cocky:

"I know bloody well if the Olympics isn't ready by May 2012 I won't get a fourth term".

What greater incentive could there be to hope for the XXXth Olympiad to be the disaster?

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posted by Croydonian

Tessa Jowell concedes she is a child

Sunday, March 18, 2007
"Tessa Jowell threatened to 'jump out of her pram' if the £10billion Olympics budget was cut by reducing the amount spent on non-sporting facilities, it has been revealed". Source

Yes please.

As 'mania and I were agreeing the other day, Pacino's insult of 'you (expletive deleted) child' to the Spacey character in the peerless 'Glengarry Glen Ross' is remarkably effective in context.

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posted by Croydonian

/Just/ what the nation needs - a 'Minister for Fitness'

Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Caroline Flint, the admittedly easy on the eye Minister for Public Health, has been tasked with getting us all fitter ahead of the 2012 Olympics. Detail here.

Quite why the Olympics represents a marker in the road is open to question - are we supposed to be competing in this wretched steroid fest, or is it so only the beautiful people will show up in shots of the crowd?

I've long been intrigued by the US and British approaches to obesity, with it deemed OK to hector the hefty in these parts, whereas Americans of size lobby furiously and have the delightfully named National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance. I'm not making this up - google it for proof.

The fact that we have healthcare funded by taxation gives the State the 'right' to lecture us on what we should or should not do with our bodies on public interest grounds, whereas the picture on the other side of the Pond is rather different. As it stands, discrimination against the obese is already being portrayed (in some quarters) as being as unacceptable as that based on race, gender and sexual orientation, but there is no sign of that here as yet, and for the reason posited earlier, I suspect it will not come to pass any time soon.

Full disclosure time - I have a BMI of 22.7, which puts in the 'healthy' range, apparently.

Meanwhile, it would be wholly remiss of me not to note that our old friend Rosie Winterton is also berthed at Health, and is rather rounder than Ms Flint.

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posted by Croydonian