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Unlikely to be coming to a cinema near you...

Tuesday, July 27, 2010
After something of a hiatus, say hello to the absurdities of the EU's attempts to get into the movies, so to speak:

"Akadimia Platonos, Die Fremde and Illégal were the three films shortlisted on Tuesday for the European Parliament's 2010 LUX film prize, during an event at the Venice International Film Festival. Like past LUX Prize contenders, these films speak to Europeans' hearts and identities, forcing us to ask ourselves about our cultural and family relations, and the rules by which we live....
As with previous winners the 2010 LUX Prize winning film will receive European Parliament financial support for subtitling the film into all the 23 official languages of the European Union (EU), (So it will be inflicted on the Maltese, inter alia.  C) an adaptation of the original version for the visually- or hearing-impaired, and the production of a 35 mm print per EU member state.

And the synopses of the three.  I am *NOT* making these up.


Akadimia Platonos (Plato's Academy)

Every day Stavros raises the metal shutters of his cigarette store, puts out the newspapers in front and then sets out the chairs where he and his friends sit all day, looking out on the dusty intersection and surrounding grey buildings that shelter their businesses. They’re all very proud of the way their dog Patriot, on the opposite pavement, barks at every passing Albanian. Stavros and his friends don’t like these foreigners even though they’re willing to do the jobs the Greeks won’t do, nor do they like the recently arrived Chinese. By the store’s entrance, Stavros’ increasingly senile mother mopes in an armchair, regardless of the affectionate care lavished on her by her devoted son. Then one day she suddenly falls upon an Albanian worker, embracing him and calling him «my son» in Albanian. In fact, what does Stavros really know about his parents? His mother has always told him that after his father died up north, she moved to Athens, when he was but a year old. Now Stavros’ pals start looking askance at him: is he Greek or Albanian? Does he really have the right to sing the racist little ditty: «Albanian, Albanian, you’ll never become a Greek…»?
And there's more...


Die Fremde (When we leave)
What would you sacrifice for your family’s love? Your values? Your freedom? Your independence? German-born Umay flees her oppressive marriage in Istanbul, taking her young son Cem with her. She is hoping to find a better life with her family in Berlin, but her unexpected arrival creates intense conflict. Her family is trapped in their conventions, torn between their love for her and the values of their community. Ultimately they decide to return Cem to his father in Turkey. To keep her son, Umay is forced to move again. She finds the inner strength to build a new life for her and Cem, but her need for her family’s love drives her to a series of ill-fated attempts at reconciliation. What Umay doesn’t realize is just how deep the wounds have gone and how dangerous her struggle for self- determination has become.




And yet more:

Illégal

Tania and her 14 year-old son Ivan are illegal immigrants from Russia, who have been living in Belgium for 8 years. In a permanent state of alert, Tania lives in constant fear of having her identity checked by the police - until the day she is arrested. Mother and the son are separated. Tania is placed in a holding centre. She does everything in her power to find her son again, in spite of the constant threat of deportation hanging over her head.
Each of the directors has worked out on which side of the bread lies the butter, and seem to have got their Sally Field-type speeches in early

Akadimia Platonos director Filippos Tsitos - "Making small, independent, non-English speaking movies nowadays can be compared to swimming in a wild ocean at night. You constantly feel like you are about to drown. So you are thankful for anything that helps you stay out of the water.”

To which one might rebut that it is a bit selfish to expect the coastguard to shadow one's nocturnal swimming excursions...

Die Fremde director Feo Aladag "We would like to address our very special thanks to the European Parliament for promoting European films in order to make them cross borders and travel around Europe through the LUX Prize, to reach a widespread audience and to promote diversity, solidarity and hope in our societies."

'Widespread', eh Feo?  Don't count on it.


Illégal director Olivier Masset-Depasse: “I hope to create as wide a debate as possible across Europe. The LUX Prize would be an excellent starting point as wide a dissemination of this film as possible.”

Claiming to want to 'start a debate' etc is, I think, invariably a lie.  What it actually means is, 'I want you to agree with me'.

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A very brief Hansard trawl

Tuesday, March 23, 2010
This, from 1960, in a debate about the touring programme of the Covent Garden Opera Company:


Mr. James Watts  (Manchester, Moss Side)  ".....All of us who live in the area have from time to time witnessed the whole of the Wagnerian sequence of operas— "The Ring", and so on—and we have heard all the Italian operas in these theatres in Manchester".

I am NOT making this up.  Nor that Moss Side was represented by the blue team back then.

And there's more:

The Financial Secretary to the Treasury (Sir Edward Boyle)   "For example, I am told that the cast for the current production of what are popularly known as "Cav and Pag", or "I Pagliacci" and Cavalleria Rusticana", includes 106 men, 68 women, 25 small boys, 13 small girls, and a pony, quite apart from the orchestra; and a whole battery of green rooms, wardrobe rooms, bathrooms and workshops is needed backstage to keep the cast and their settings and accessories in good order".

Mr. Charles A. Howell (Birmingham, Perry Barr) And the pony.

Sir E. Boyle Yes, indeed.

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Yet another EU land grab. And this time it is cultural....

Tuesday, February 23, 2010
How about this for bold?:

"Jazz long ago stopped being the sole heritage of the United States, the country which gave birth to the genre, and is now a culture that travels freely across borders. Jazz is owned by nobody today, because it belongs to us all, and so it is hardly surprising that Europe is one of its most fertile and representative breeding grounds".

I am not particularly interested in a variation on the theme of 'can a blue man sing the whites' (sic), but that statement is pushing it somewhat.  

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Translation fail o' the day

Monday, January 18, 2010
From EUPravda:



What has actually happened is that the painting, The Tears of Saint Peter, is one of a series that has returned from a sojourn in Mexico.

Since I can't see a parapet without wanting to stick my head above it, I will aver that El Greco is, by a broad margin, my least favourite of the Old Masters.  And now let the hurling of brickbats commence.

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The world's ten ugliest buildings, as nominated by someone on the internet. And there's a DPRK connection....

Wednesday, December 09, 2009
Virtualtourist.com's list is headed up by this horror:


It is the - admittedly boarded up - Morris A Mechanic Theatre in Baltimore.  Wonder why they didn't use it in 'The Wire'.

The Pompidou Centre, which I rather like, makes #4.

And at #10 with a bullet, the Ryugyong Hotel in Pyongyang:



Of this, the random person on the internet says: "Riddled with issues that range from lack of money to poor construction to rumored collapse, this still unfinished nightmare has been under some form of construction for over 20 years. Started in 1987, construction was halted a few years later and left untouched until fairly recently."

Last year's top ten featured a few horrors from these shores, including Birmingham Library, the Scottish Assembly and the Metropolitan Cathedral, Liverpool.

My nomination is this:



It is New Zealand House, to be found at the bottom of Haymarket, and it is jaw-dropping in both its ugliness and architectural inappropriateness. 


Further nominations would be welcome.

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The man with the best job in government, and maybe the country

Friday, October 30, 2009
is Ben Bradshaw.

Mr. Don Foster: To ask the Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport what (a) meetings he has had with representatives of (i) his Department's sponsored bodies and (ii) outside organisations or individuals and (b) events he has attended in his capacity as Secretary of State since June 2009

He's been to Bayreuth, an Ashes Test match, Wimbledon and goodly number of plays, operas, gallery openings etc.

He has also been to something called 'Bigga Fish', which a quick google throws up as 'Showcasing the finest talent in UK Funky House and Grime'.  Just Ben's thing, I'm sure.  He's also been to 'the Opening of Corby swimming pool' and '2009 PM's Better Public Building Award and British Construction Industry awards', so it's not all beer and skittles.

On his website, Bradshaw describes his interests thus:  'His principle (sic) hobbies include hiking in Devon and Cornwall, going to the theatre, and spending time with his godchildren'.

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Logo watch, or a £24,315 game of spot the difference for the DCMS

Wednesday, October 28, 2009
From today's Hansard:
Mr. Sanders: To ask the Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport what methodology was used to reach the decision to refresh his Department's logo in April 2006; which (a) Ministers and (b) officials were involved in that process; and what steps have been taken to monitor the effectiveness of the refreshment.

Mr. Sutcliffe: The Department decided there was a need for a brand refresh as non-specialist audiences did not recognise our logo and it did not clearly communicate our role. Creative solutions were required to address issues around brand recognition, explaining the responsibilities of the department, and to ensure visual consistency across all applications....
Mr. Sanders: To ask the Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport what expenditure his Department incurred in refreshing its logo in April 2006.
Mr. Sutcliffe: The costs were as follows:
    Initial design concepts: £3,055
    Identity design development: £10,460
    Identity guidelines: £10,800
    Total: £24,315.
Mr. Sanders:To ask the Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport how his Department assesses value for money achieved in the consistency and distinctiveness of its communications.
Mr. Sutcliffe: Value for money is achieved by using consistent design templates wherever possible, for communications material based on the DCMS brand guidelines in order to reduce design costs.
Due to limited budgets, the Department does not have resources for any wider evaluation.

Right.  Here is the old logo:

 

I retrieved this via the good offices of the internet archive and the wayback machine - this being atop the DCMS's page on 1/1/2006.  

And today, Culture.gov.uk looks like this:


I am uncertain as to whether that skin crawler of a mission statement (As opposed to all of those non-skin crawler mission statements...) should be read as part of the logo.  Amazing they resisted the temptation to add 'and to boldly go where no man has gone before', frankly.  I have looked at 2007 and 2008, and that guff appears with the logo on some front pages, but not all.

Fans of the more heraldic approach might prefer the original:


Does what it says on the tin, doesn't it?

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The priorities of the City of Liverpool

Tuesday, August 11, 2009
This, at 24dash.com outlines them:

"Health officials in a city are considering plans to impose 18 certificates on cinema films which show people smoking, it was announced today.

Liverpool City Council said the measure would mean films which include images of tobacco smoking would only be regarded as suitable for adult viewing.

The 18 rating would not apply to films which portray historical figures who actually smoked or those which provide a "clear and unambiguous portrayal of the dangers of smoking, other tobacco use, or second-hand smoke", the council said".
The consultation site can be found here.

The BBFC's guidelines for what can appear on screen in a 15 certificate film include the following:

Drugs
Drug taking may be shown but the film as a whole must not promote or encourage drug misuse. The misuse of easily accessible and highly dangerous substances (for example,aerosols or solvents) is unlikely to be acceptable.

Violence
Violence may be strong but should not dwell on the infliction of pain or injury. The strongest gory images are unlikely to be acceptable. Strong sadistic or sexualised violence is also unlikely to be acceptable. There may be detailed verbal references to sexual violence but any portrayal of sexual violence must be discreet and have a strong contextual justification.

As the father of two boys under ten, I would rather they saw someone making progress with a meerschaum or a cohiba than either of the things just outlined. Furthermore, any child who walks a city's streets is rather more likely to see someone smoking than either of those activities

Should Liverpool City Council have its way - and doubtless other councils are itching to do the same - smoking will only fall short of the following:

where the material is in breach of the criminal law, or has been created through the commission of a criminal offence

any detailed portrayal of violent or dangerous acts, or of illegal drug use, which may cause harm to public health or morals.

There's also the pr0n rules, but less of that later.

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The things they say...

Tuesday, July 21, 2009
A footnote in an article in The 'graph to the 'left-of-centre thinking' at the BBC furore:

"A BBC source said that executives believed that their casting of Boris Johnson, the Conservative Mayor of London, in an episode of EastEnders, proved that they did not have a left-wing bias".

How, in God's name, did he or she keep a straight face when saying that? On the upside, if one instance of something can prove or disprove a thesis, I look forward to pointing to the next piece of BBC left wingery and thus 'proving it has a left wing bias'....

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Seeing Hazel Blears in a new light

Wednesday, July 08, 2009
The somewhat lamented former Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government (well, she did add to the gaiety of the nation) has just had her reading list revealed.

The dailies and the ethnic minority press came as no great surprise, but the list of mags did, as it includes The London Review of Books and The Times Literary Supplement.

No philistine she, although quite why the taxpayers should stump up in order to brighten her dinner party conversation is something of a mystery.

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Philistines at the Department of Energy & Climate Change

Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Or so it would seem:

"Mr. Vara: To ask the Secretary of State for Energy and Climate Change which works of art from the Government Art Collection each Minister in his Department has selected for display in a private office.

Mr. Mike O'Brien: No Minister within this Department has currently selected any works of art from the Government Art Collection for any private office".

So Miliband minor, O'Brien hisself, 'Lord' Hunt and Joan Ruddock work in offices with no adornments bar, presumably, date planners festooned with pink stars, yellow circles etc and maybe a clock or two. Or maybe there is that Reagan / Thatcher 'Gone with the Wind' parody above Ruddock's desk? A sorry state of affairs, and it denies me further harmless pleasure in dissecting their tastes. Mind you, I am beginning to wonder whether inveterate quizzer Shalesh Vara is asking these questions as the various makeover TV programmes are failing to provide inspiration for his own office.

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Splitting hairs with the DCMS

Friday, March 20, 2009
From Hansard:

Mr. Ellwood: To ask the Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport how many (a) public relations and (b) media advisers his Department employed (i) in 1997 and (ii) on the most recent date for which figures are available. [264778]

Mr. Sutcliffe: The Department does not employ public relations or media advisers.

However, the Department employs press officers and communication officers. These are listed in the White Book, as well as civil servants working on media policy in line with the Department’s remit.


Hmm, if it looks like a duck etc etc.

And just how smart does the chin-rich environment that is Gerry Sutcliffe think that he is for coming up with that answer on behalf of Andy 'I do not wear mascara, honest' Burnham?

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Yet more fun with ministerial tastes in art

Wednesday, March 18, 2009
This time the Home Office:

Mr. Vara: To ask the Secretary of State for the Home Department which works of art from the Government Art Collection each Minister in her Department has selected for display in a private office.

Jacqui Smith does not have anything especially mockable, which irks somewhat.

However, the Parliamentary Under-Secretary of State for Crime Reduction - the deeply obscure Alan Campbell - looks like another candidate for defection as he has not just one, not just two, but three portraits of Tories gracing his walls - Canning, Castlereagh and Peel. Odd choices given his portfolio, as Canning, one might note, fought a duel with Castlereagh and Castlereagh as a suicide was lucky not to be buried at a crossroads with a stake through his heart, which was the punishment at the time. I believe Peel was pretty law abiding, however.

The oily Phil Woolas, Minister of State for Borders and Immigration, would appear to be making something of a statement with his taste in art. He has works entitled 'Apse of Notre Dame', 'Chartres East', 'Chartres West', 'Interior, Poitiers' and 'Beauvais' hanging on his walls. Which country's borders are you minding Phil?

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Are Miliband and Flint going to defect?

Friday, March 13, 2009
Unlikely, one might think, but today's art related Q & A throws out the suggestion:

"Mr. Vara: To ask the Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs which works of art from the Government Art Collection each Minister in his Department has selected for display in a private office. [259447]

Gillian Merron: Works of art currently in display in Private Offices within the Foreign and Commonwealth Office are as follows:

Foreign Secretary's Office Joseph Nollekens: William Pitt (1759-1806) Prime Minister—marble bust

He's one of *ours*, David.

And here it is:

The case for the defence rests upon Miliband also having the following:


Edwin Whitney-Smith: Ernest Bevin (1881-1951) trade unionist and politician—bronze sculpture

No photograph, alas. He also has paintings of former colonial governors of Honkers (not Chris Patten) and Saint Vincent and the Grenadines.

Meanwhile, La Flint has this:

John Everett Millais: Hubert von Herkomer—Benjamin Disraeli, Earl of Beaconsfield (1804-81) Prime Minister

The answer caveats that these are 'works inherited from predecessor', in this case Jim Murphy. The reshuffle was in October, so this suggests that either Flint does not expect to be there long, or else is one of those dullards who seeks to buy a pre-furnished decorated etc show house. Perhaps she also has photo frames chez elle with the display print still inside. Gillian Merron is guilty of the same crime against the imagination.

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Ars gratia artis

Thursday, March 12, 2009
A parliamentary question has unveiled Lord Mandelson's taste in free art, so in the great tradition of previous posts on the Government Art Collection, the time has come to make mock:

Painting: Queen Elizabeth 1 (1563-1603) Reigned—Anon British artist

No, I am NOT making that joke.

And this:

Untitled Red—Lewin Bassingthwaite



To remind him how far he's come now that he is a titled pinkish red, maybe?

Circus Folk—David Bomberg

Thinking of any folk in particular, Peter? Note for fellow coulrophobes, the painting is a safe click.

Still life with fish - Mary Fedden

To remind him of Hartlepool, maybe?

The Angels of Boulogne - Chris Orr

Well, there can't be any angels resident in Brussels, can there?

There are others, but they are on the dull side, name-wise.

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You too can re-create the office decor of a minor minister at the MoD in the privacy of your own home.

Thursday, March 05, 2009
And if that doesn't fetch 'em, I don't know Arkansaw.

Anyway, courtesy of a written answer, the populace now knows what Kevan (sic) Jones hangs on his office walls:

"Mr. Vara: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence which works of art from the Government Art Collection each Minister in his Department has selected for display in a private office.

Mr. Kevan Jones: I have four works of art from the Government Art Collection (GAC) on display in my private office. They are:

    'Gunner Paul March (Canadian Forces)' by Henry Lamb

    'A Merchantman at Catania' by Bernard Hailstone

    'Dust in Normandy, August 1944' by Stephen Bone

    'The Southwest Prospect of the City of Durham' by Samuel and Nathaniel Buck


And this is what they look like:




None of them are especially heart stopping pieces of work, but pleasant enough and doubtless they decorate the office to good effect. Three have military connections - the Normandy scene was painted just after D-Day, so some credit to Jones for that. As an MP for the north of county Durham, he is admiring the city of Durham from the wrong angle, but no matter.

Moving swiftly on, Jones also commented 'No other Ministers have art from the GAC on display in their private offices'.

Hmm, the people in question are Hutton, Ainsworth, the lantern-jawed 'Baroness' Taylor, and the odious turncoat Quentin Davies. So, if they could not find anything to their tastes in the extensive Government Art Collection, this begs the question whether they just make do with flock wallpaper, a couple of spider plants and a 'You don't have to be mad to work here, but it helps' poster. Alternatively, maybe they have all taken a trip to Athena and variously have the tennis girl, a gaudy poster of a 70s Lamborghini, that one of a waxed-chested pretty boy cradling a baby and 'the Vicar of Bray' written out in cursive script.

A further question reveals what Geoff Hoon and his minions decorate their walls with, and both Fitzpatrick and Clark go for transport-related works. "Building the Stationery Engine House, Camden Town 26 April 1837. Drawings of the London and Birmingham Railway" is a pretty clear pointer, but who would have thought that "Cyber Series 1 and 2" were digital prints of the concourse of London Victoria station? Hoon goes for the less than figurative, and Lord Adonis has shunned the possibility to raid the vaults. Maybe he has prints of his his namesake by Titian or Rubens.

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Slumdog millionaire - its success is all down to the EU. Apparently.

Monday, February 23, 2009
At least it says so here:

And the Oscar goes to...: Unprecedented success for EU-supported film "Slumdog Millionaire". 8 Oscars were awarded to "Slumdog Millionaire" at last night's 81st Academy Award ceremony in Hollywood. This UK film was co-funded under the EU's film support programme MEDIA. These include the most prestigious prizes: Best Film and Best Director (Danny Boyle).


And frothing uncontrollably we have your friend and mine, Media Commissar Viviane Reding:

"The EU's MEDIA programme makes sure films made in the EU gets a chance to meet judge and jury, in the form of audiences worldwide and competing for international prestigious awards. The success of Slumdog Millionaire shows, more than ever, that MEDIA funding is money well spent, as it helps Europe's cinema spread its cultural diversity around the globe."

Here they claim to have ponied up €830,000 (£734,000), but last week they were claiming to have handed over € 200,000.

Lest we forget, here are some of the other cinematic delights we paid for last year, but I will spotlight the €202,500 for Le silence de Lorna - "An Albanian woman marries a drug addict in order to obtain Belgian residency". And in 2007 we had this - La question humaine by Nicolas Klotz (€25,000) - A human resource manager in a multinational who is losing his mind is told by his manager to psychologically assess the company's general manager.

Both, shockingly, were overlooked by the Academy.

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The Liègeois - utter philistines, or the polar opposite?

Sunday, February 22, 2009
The good people of Liège. or if you prefer, Luik, had the opportunity to vote on their city's candidacy for European Capital of Culture in 2015.

And they really could not be bothered
, as less than 10% of the electorate chose to exercise the franchise, and thus a quorum was not reached. Apparently some 18,446 Liègeois/e did make it to the polling station, whereas 171,654 found something more important to do instead.

So, perhaps they are all dreadful philistines who release the safety catches on their Brownings when they hear the word culture, or perhaps they were so busy being cultured that they just could not find the time to vote.

They have doubtless saved themselves from lots of street art and so forth, so perhaps they have chosen wisely.

As doubtless all are well aware, the twin capitals this year are Vilnius and Linz.

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Culture vultures

Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Yet more from Hansard, this time on theft of artwork from the DCMS:

Mr. Maude: To ask the Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport with reference to the answer to the hon. Member for Angus of 21 April 2008, Official Report, columns 1737-8W, on departmental property, what the (a) title and (b) Government Art Collection reference number was of the art work stolen from his Department in 2006".

I would have thought the name of the artist would be of more interest than the GAC number, but what do I know?

And the list, GAC numbers excised:

Paradox No. IV
Blackfriars from Southwark Bridge
Lower Wessex Lane, Summer
Lower Wessex Lane, Spring
Strand on the Green
Third day of Creation
Gondola III
Hall of Christ Church Hospital

A bit of sniffing around discloses that some of these works show up on the gac.culture website, and where they do they are hyperlinked above.

That the work titled Paradox IV neither shows in the inventory and has been swiped is particularly amusing. None of the paintings have any great wow factor to my mind, and if not exactly Athena level are hardly bleeding edge art either. Not that I am pointing a finger, the works in question all walked on the odious Jowell's watch, and moreover in the year when she and Mills decided to 'split'.

While I decidedly do not approve of theft, there is some comedy value in DCMS people stealing art. I do worry about the MoD though.

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Don't all rush at once

Sunday, January 11, 2009
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I give you the Commonwealth Cantata, composed to commemorate (that's enough alliteration) the 60th anniversary of the Commonwealth.

So sing along:

"Let us all sing in unison / Many voices singing as one / People in the Commonwealth / One voice, many hopes / And a shared vision....Commonwealth, Commonwealth / We share a common goal, you and I / Every challenge inspires, every obstacle we’ll endure, we’ll overcome, we’ll achieve / From dawn till dusk to make it / Because we have a goal / To build a brighter future".

Reminds me of the lyrics to Queen's 'One Vision', memorably covered by Slovenian art terrororists Laibach. Queen fans who do not know the cover risk never being able to listen to the song ever again.



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