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Man of the month

Monday, October 26, 2009
Given that I have only just spotted this and it was from the 21st, I am upgrading Richard Tracey AM (Con, Wandsworth & Merton) from Man of the Week to Man of the Month.  Support for the award of this much sought after award is canvassed on the basis of this press release:

"Richard Tracey called for Olympic organisers to oppose the imposition of an Olympic Route Network on London during the 2012 Games".

He is referring to what a friend calls 'Zil Lanes' - if the IOC has its way, great swathes of the City's roads will be closed to all but Olympic traffic, so those toerags can flit between the West End and Stratford without the risk of being inconvenienced by the likes of traffic.

“I believe the Mayor, Government and LOCOG should dig their heels in to get a realistic plan. We simply cannot have a city of London’s size and importance potentially brought to a standstill while Olympic officials, media types and sponsors swan about town in exclusive lanes and everyone else is in a jam.

“We must remember that one of the reasons London won the bid to host the 2012 Games was because of its transport infrastructure – in particular the seven-minute journey time from St Pancras to the Olympic Park by high-speed Javelin train. It seems odd that the very people who thought it so good aren’t actually prepared to use it themselves.”

And a resounding hear hear from me.  Of course I would like the entire wretched event to be cancelled, but dreams do not always come true, although given what the far sighted government of Singapore did in 1974, hope springs eternal.

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posted by Croydonian

Monte Carlo, Vegas, Macau and, erm, Newham

Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Straight from Hansard:

Mr. Ellwood: To ask the Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport what assessment he has made of the process of procuring a casino in Newham.

That would be the Toby Ellwood who represents a part of the East End called Bournemouth East. I cannot locate anywhere called Newham in or around Bournemouth, but if there is one I am prepared for ridicule.

I cannot see the highrollers ditching the tables of Monte Carlo for the delights of Green Street, frankly.

(Yes, I know the World's Largest Outdoor Steroid Abuse Festival is coming to those parts, but my point stands)

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posted by Croydonian

Today's brass neck award...

Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Goes to Tessa Jowell. And here is why:

"Mr. Gibb: To ask the Minister for the Olympics how many Questions for written answer were tabled to her in each Session since she was appointed; and how many were (i) answered substantively and (ii) not answered on grounds of disproportionate cost"

A fairly reasonable question, no?

And the answer:

"The number of written questions tabled (and transferred) to me as Minister for the Olympics is as follows: 2006-7 - 82 2007-8 - 293".

So far so good.

Here comes the bit where I suspect that her c1-c7 vertabrae are rich in an alloy of zinc and copper:

"Information on how many written questions were answered substantively and not answered on grounds of disproportionate cost is not readily available and could be provided only at disproportionate cost".

Insert your preferred empahatic term for 'nonsense' here. TJ could set one of her underlings to search Hansard - always supposing she did not have the information in her own files and deliver an answer after maybe 10 minutes work by the minion.


Tem minutes is rather an over estimate. Here are the results of searching 'disproportionate cost' at Theyworkforyou.com.

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posted by Croydonian

And what if they say no?

Tuesday, November 11, 2008
From Hansard: "Simon Hughes: To ask the Minister for the Olympics what plans she has to use past British Olympic medal winners as ambassadors in the run-up to the 2012 Olympic games.

Tessa Jowell: I intend to work with sports organisations to use current and retired Olympians and Paralympians, not just medal winners, as ambassadors in the run up to the 2012 Olympic and Paralympic games".

These men and women are an inspiration to the nation and are ideal role models for the young people of today". (ssshh, no one mention the ones who forget to take drug tests)

Erm, don't they have any say in the matter, or should we assume that these individuals have no more autonomy than store mannequins and will be delighted to (triple) jump when the odious Ms Jowell snaps her fingers?

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posted by Croydonian

Goodbye Norway, hello Republikken Hålogaland

Wednesday, October 22, 2008
There is talk of secession by Norway's three most northerly counties plus Svalbard and Jan Mayen from Norway, as mapped below:


Not sure if they are after Bouvet Island, but then again no-one lives there.

The secessionists are co-ordinating via Facebook, and thus far has 6,793 members. (Log in required to see the details). There are three Hålogaland facebook groups, and none of the free translations engines have got me any closer to working out what the two smaller groups are up to.

And for why?: "It's clear that folks along the coast of this country believe that enough's enough," one of the party initiators, Håkon Winther, told iTromso.no".

And why is enough enough? Because they are "disappointed and angry that Tromsø lost support for its bid to host an expensive Winter Olympics in 2018". Yes, really.

A bit of rooting around suggests that a northern successor state would have a population in the region of 465,0000 (or 1.36 Boroughs of Croydon) and would lack any North Sea oil. The rest of Norway - Southway? - would have a population of 4.3 m, and lots of oil....

Anyway, considered opinion has it that this is not going to happen: "They can survive as a party for a long time, but they won't experience secession".

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posted by Croydonian

Sensible folk, Norwegians

Monday, September 15, 2008
"In a recent poll, 51 percent answered that they were against giving state guarantees of between NOK 15 and 20 billion (USD 4 – 5 billion) to bring the Winter Olympics to the Arctic town". Source

The latest science-fiction estimate of the costs of the London 'Dome in running shoes' is around £10bn.


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posted by Croydonian

Yet another reason to damn the Olympics

Monday, September 08, 2008
Or perhaps this should be filed under feeble excuses:

"Hong Kong's democratic forces were facing electoral disaster early this morning after voters shunned the polls - and the democrats - in large numbers....Turnout stood at just 45 percent - or 1.52 million - of all those eligible to vote in the geographical constituencies by the time the polls closed at 10.30pm.

[City University political scientist James Sung Lap-kung] said "enthusiasm for the election had been dulled by the heavy media coverage of the Olympic Games".

Bread and circuses......

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posted by Croydonian

A thousand years ago, or plus ça change...

Thursday, August 28, 2008
From 'Bitov's Britain' (Viking 1985):

"In a desperate attempt to disguise Britain's decline as a sporting nation, sports editors have recently given their reporters a new directive: any contest in which a British competitor features with any degree of success should be referred to as a blue-riband event.

Hence, for several days during the 1984 'Olympics', an assistant bank manager from Croydon was said to be the toast of Los Angeles after his triumph in the blue-riband event for marksmen, the small­bore rifle-shooting. The British were narrowly edged out of the gold in the blue-riband team show-jumping event and broke the national record when finishing a creditable sixth in the blue-event in the pool, the women's 400-metre backstroke. They compensated for a generally low score on the athletics track by managing to win golds in the three blue-riband events there, the decathlon, the 1,500 metres and the women's javelin, a feat that, it was claimed, made Britain the envy of the athletics world.

After a disappointing show in the synchronized swimming, it was decided that this was not a blue-riband event after all but merely a tedious waste of time".


The results of a google news search for 'Olympics blue riband' can be found here.

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posted by Croydonian

The, cough, 'bally' Olympics - no escape even here

Wednesday, August 20, 2008
I have succeeded in ignoring the WLOSAF thus far without too much effort, but the wretched 2012 event is now about to impinge on sweet home Croydonia:

"Croydon will be celebrating the moment of the olympic handover with a flag raising ceremony on the 24 August with (sic) at Taberner House....Croydon will be celebrating the Paralympic handover on the 17 September will (sic) a themed sports day as well as events taking place in the borough's schools. More details to follow".

Judging from the page at London Councils, few if any boroughs will be safe from this particular plague.

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posted by Croydonian

Bad news for Londoners born in 1994 or later

Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Not my problem, fortunately, but here is an advanced warning for those, resident in these parts, with young children:

"The government is working to fill all seats at London's 2012 Games, Olympics minister Tessa Jowell has said....If they were not filled "by people who have paid the full price", they should be filled by schoolchildren she said".

Sounds like a cruel and unusual punishment, and I recommend parents make plans to get out of Dodge well before 2012 or to at least book a holiday away for the duration, otherwise some way down the line there will be an awful lot of psychoanalysts hearing 'my parents hated me - they made me watch underwater tiddlywinks for hours on end '.

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posted by Croydonian

Trusting souls, the IOC

Monday, August 11, 2008
From the Jerusalem Post:

"The International Olympic Committee has accepted the explanation of an Iranian swimmer who pulled out of an event that included an Israeli competitor. Mohammad Alirezaei withdrew from the heats of the men's 100-meter breaststroke on Saturday just before he was due to compete against a field that included Israel's Tom Be'eri. He cited illness as the reason".

And what did the IOC do to confirm this? "The athlete has withdrawn because of sickness," [IOC spokeswoman Giselle Davies] said. "He confirmed this in writing to the swimming federation".

'Confirmed it in writing', eh? No scope for any doubt about Alirezaei's health and honesty there then.

Ungallant and wholly irrelevant footnote - Ms Davies bears an uncanny resemblance to Steve Jobs.

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posted by Croydonian

Another great investment by our lords and masters

Wednesday, August 06, 2008
(Warning - this post contains facetiousness)

From the wonderful people who had a fire sale of gold reserves, this:

"[Sports minister Gerry] Sutcliffe, in Macao to visit the Team GB preparation camp, said competitors needed to come home with 41 medals and show the British public that the country's £500 million investment into elite sport was "value for money".

A little digging discloses that an Olympic Gold medal weighs around 250 grammes.

And how much gold is in one?:



Yup, 3%. So 250 grammes x 41 is 10.25 kg. Three per cent of that is 307.5 grammes. And at the time of writing, the current London gold price per gramme is £14.51. So, the gold is worth £4,461.82, and at £500 m, that is well over a 100,000 fold mark up. Or 112061.77 to be precise.

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posted by Croydonian

The poor little darlings

Monday, July 28, 2008
That I do not have a great deal of time for the Olympics - see repeated references to 'the world's largest outdoor steroid abuse fest' for confirmation - will come as no surprise to those people of impeccable taste who read my jottings on a regular basis.

For all that the kitchen sink is supposedly thrown at athletes to stop them spiking up, pilling up or - for all I know - toad licking, the drug scandals just keep on coming. Those of a cynical disposition will note how the press never wants to believe it of those swathed in our version of the red, white and blue, but that is a story for another day.

Another country which goes in for the same flag colour scheme - and they did get there first - has a sports minister who is concerned about the, cough, human rights of the runners, throwers, jumpers and underwater tiddlywinks players:

"The Netherlands' Deputy Minister for Health, Welfare and Sport, Jet Bussemaker says excessive testing for doping is violating athletes' right to privacy". ..." Although I think doping tests should stay, you must balance them against the rights and freedoms of the athletes, in the knowledge that you can never eliminate doping altogether."

Erm, they are dodging around in outfits that would see them barred in any number of hostelries in these parts and lapidated in some of the more delightful parts of the Middle East, and they are concerned about privacy?

Facetiousness aside, either drop the testing completely and rely on participants to be honourable or allow random testing at any time etc with zero notice. Way back lost in the mists of time I read of a poll that asked the runners, throwers etc whether they would be prepared to take a drug that would guarantee a Gold medal but also in the longer term kill them. The precise wording escapes me, but that was the gist of it. A very clear majority said yes please, and I doubt that opinions among the steroid munchers have changed with the generational advance.

As an aside, Princess Anne was the only competitor in the '72 Olympics who did not have to undergo a sex test. True story.

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posted by Croydonian

Shock o' the day

Wednesday, July 23, 2008
From Hansard:

David Simpson: To ask the Minister for the Olympics how many staff in her Office have had five or more periods of sickness absence of less than five days in two or more of the last five years.

Tessa Jowell: None.


Blimey. Either they are a very fit and healthy bunch, or else they like their work so much they will bound into the office despite hangovers, Lassa fever, in-growing toenails and what have you. Or, perhaps, they sit around playing Tetris and Tessa lacks the authority to make them do any work.


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posted by Croydonian

Kow-tow Watch

Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Step forward Brian Roper, Vice Chancellor of London Metropolitan University (or City and North London polys, as were):

"Brian Roper, vice-chancellor of the university, expressed in a letter to the Chinese embassy in London on June 16 his regret of his school's move, saying that offering the degree to the Dalai Lama was not a well-considered decision, according to an embassy official last week.... Angered and offended by the move, Chinese students and Internet users at home and abroad called for a boycott the university, saying its conferment of honours on the Dalai Lama had hurt the feelings of the Chinese people".

Sensitive flowers, aren't they?

"It also has a Free Tibet Society, which advocates the "Independence of Tibet."

A staff member of the Chinese embassy in London said the university's apology is sincere but it is not enough to completely offset the negative effect. "The university should do more to repair its image in the eyes of Chinese students, such as not providing speaking platforms for Tibetan separatists," he said".

Here's a list of other institutions for Beijing to get upset with.

Meanwhile, China Daily has come up with a list of '30 reasons to watch the Beijing Games'.

These include the following:

13. Babies named after the Olympics - "A total of 4,104 Chinese have been named Aoyun (Chinese for "the Olympics")"

20. Highest number of mascots - five. "Multiple Olympic mascots are not uncommon, but for the first time more than three figures will share Summer Olympic mascot duty when the five Fuwa take center stage. Featuring four of China's most popular animals - the fish , the panda, the Tibetan antelope and the swallow - and the Olympic flame.."

21. Venues on fengshui


Well that's certainly overcome my cynicism, and I will be glued to the box for the duration. Blogging may well be light.....

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posted by Croydonian

Token gesture of the week

Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Seeing this headline - Australian athletes will not attend Olympic ceremony - I was gearing up to praise our Antipodean kin and contrast their approach with the kowtowing by the rabble leading this country.

However, it is nothing to do with human rights, still less the occupation of Tibet but rather this:

"Australian Olympic officials have banned the country's athletes from marching at this summer's opening ceremony in Beijing because of concerns about air pollution in the Chinese capital". I am not making this up.

If Oz's athletes, synchronised swimmers and underwater tiddlywinks players have such delicate lungs, is it safe for them to even get off the plane?

Perhaps someone can come up with an inventive excuse for our athletes, underwater tiddlywinks players ete etc?

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posted by Croydonian

Yet another reason for wishing to be rid of the Olympics

Friday, June 06, 2008
From Hansard:

Sandra Gidley: To ask the Minister for the Olympics pursuant to the Answer of 22 April 2008, Official Report, column 1889W, on the Olympic Games 2012, what provision will be made to reduce any potential spread of sexually transmitted infections".

Dawn Primarolo: I have been asked to reply.

The national health service in London is currently working with both the London Organising Committee of the Olympic Games and the Olympic Delivery Authority to assess the sexual health needs up to, during and after the games. Lessons learned from previous games in host cities such as Sydney and Athens are also being considered as part of the planning process.


Lucky old Gidders in Romsey and Dim Prawn in Brizzle will be far away from the Typhoid Marys and Martins that are Ruritanian pentathletes and Absurdistani synchronised swimmers, but pity east London.....

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posted by Croydonian

A history lesson for Jacques Rogge

Wednesday, May 21, 2008
With one eye on his first class air travel, accommodation, chauffeur-driven limousine etc etc for this year's Open Air Steroid Abuse Festival in Beijing, Jacques Rogge had this to say:


"You don't obtain anything in China with a loud voice. That is the big mistake of people in the West wanting to add their views. It took us 200 years to evolve from the French Revolution. China started in 1949," Rogge added, noting that was a time when Britain and other European nations were also colonial powers, "with all the abuse attached to colonial powers". "It was only 40 years ago that we gave liberty to the colonies. Let's be a little bit more modest."


Since 1968, the UK has given independence to these jewels in the crown: , Antigua & Barbuda, the Bahamas, Brunei, Dominica, Grenada, Kiribati, Mauritius, the Maldives, Nauru, St Vincent & the Grenadines, St Kitts & Nevis, St Lucia, Samoa, the Seychelles, Solomon Islands, Swaziland, Tonga, Tuvalu and Vanuatu. We sold Hong Kong down the river in '97 of course. The French empire was effectively a dead letter by 1960.

Belgium gave independence to the former Belgian Congo in 1960, or more accurately ran away and left it to anarchy.

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posted by Croydonian

Losing something in translation?

Sunday, April 20, 2008
From China Daily:

"Protests against "Tibet independence" continued in several Chinese cities on Sunday. Protestors gathered in front of outlets of the French supermarket chain Carrefour, chanting "Oppose Tibet independence", and "Oppose CNN's anti-China statements" on Sunday morning. Chinese police were monitoring the demonstrations, which had no effect on the supermarkets' normal operations, Xinhua said. More than 1,000 students and citizens in front of the Carrefour in Xi'an (Xian is about as far from Lhasa as Lerwick from London....C) held banners, saying "Strongly oppose CNN's anti-China statements" and "Condemn Tibet secessionist in France tearing up the Five-Star Red Flag"(I really like this one. The language that is, not the sentiment. C). They chanted "Support the Olympics", "Go China" and "Condemn CNN" through loudspeakers".

Maybe they sounded snappier in the original. Also, could they not have wheeled out 'running dog lackeys', just for old times' sake?

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posted by Croydonian

A pointer from Singapore

Tuesday, April 08, 2008
From The Straits Times 29/3:

"....Singapore's winning bid for the 1978 Asian Games...Singapore never staged the Asiad, stunningly giving up the quadriennial games a year after the victory, in 1973, as the Government decided that priority was to be given to the construction of low-cost housing".

Doubtless the IOC would stamp its little foot if we followed this example, but it would seem that those sensible Singaporeans found a higher priority than paying for people to run round in circles and dealt with whatever the consequences were.

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posted by Croydonian