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"Continental people have sex life; the English have hot water bottles"

Monday, July 07, 2008
George Mikes' observation seems to be believed by our various neighbours Outre Manche, judging from a survey for the Game of Love Observatory, or Observatoire du Jeu Amoureux. Looks to be a PR stunt for an internet dating firm, but enough pre-amble, to the amusing findings:

In which of these countries (UK, D, F, I, E) is love most important?:

We reckon Italy - 43%. And us? 14%. Pity the poor Germans: 2%. Our average score across five countries is 5%, and the lowest overall. France's average is 31% and Italy's 37%.

Mind you, the reputation of our womanhood (and chaps too) has been noted - 33% think the time between meeting and closing the deal, as it were, is shortest with Britons.

Elsewhere, Italy leads for Lotharios and Lothariettos, with the British, French and the ever modest Italians considering them the most seductive. The Spanish think they are the best, we give ourselves 22%, no one else goes above 3%.

Best dressed? 14% of Germans think they are, and a rather deluded (present company excepted) 16% of Britons think we are. They shoot horses, don't they?

Pity the land of Cervantes, Lorca, Velasquez etc - only 2% of Germans, Italians and Gauls judge them 'the most cultivated'. We give them 5%, they give themselves 16%. A modest 62% of Germans give themselves the laurels. We attract a solid 25% average share of voice.

Don't bother telling a joke in Milan or Valencia - the Italians and Spanish do not think we are funny. They think they are. However, you have a one in four chance of bringing the house down in Germany or France. Pity the Germans and the French - take away folk voting for themselves and they fail to secure a double figure share of voice anywhere. We are the most likely to be creasing up at Teutonic humour after the Germans - 2% of us think they have best humour. I suspect that those responding thus were having some fun with the questionaire....

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Great non-judicial punishments of our time

Tuesday, July 01, 2008
(I have decided to forego a 'what I did on my holidays' post, although I might post a photo of the tomb of the Cid in Burgos cathedral.)

Rather disgustingly, Japanese tourists have taken to scrawling their names on the walls of the Duomo in Florence. So far, so hum drum, however a miscreant having been fingered, his employer sprang into action:

"The school's headmaster apologised for the teacher's ''inconsiderate behaviour'' and said he had already been dismissed as school baseball coach as a result of the incident".

Mockery to one side, in parallel circumstances I doubt that the average school head in these parts would do anything more than shrug his or her shoulders.

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Non-musical chairs in Rome

Friday, June 06, 2008
Italian MPs, or rather some of them, are greatly vexed by the less than orthopaedic qualities of some of the seating in the Camera dei Deputati.

Alessandra Mussolini and her lot have been assigned seats in the back row, and she's agin it:

"The seats in the pigeon coop have been there since 1948. They can't be used - it's impossible to stay seated,'' she said, describing the chairs as ''hard as stools'' and complaining that it was difficult to follow what was going on in the rest of the room". One of her colleagues reckons "it's like the Gaza Strip". Presumably they will be firing rockets at Forza Italia then....

I imagine that the green and red benches are probably not conducive to good posture, and our MPs and peers must envy Italians this, "According to House rules, MPs can only vote from their assigned seats, which bear labels with their surnames". I have asked a fellow blogger with parliamentary connections to quiz a tame MP or two as to how the House's seating rates. Details to follow, with any luck.

And my luck has held:

"The Green benches are firm, not the most comfortable seats - equivalent to a Chesterfield sofa. I suppose the more rotund ones derrière, the longer one can sit without complaining".

Names of blogger and MP withheld to protect the innocent.

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Headline o' the day

Friday, May 30, 2008
From Italian news agency ANSA:

"Pork strike set for June 1".

Pigs have not become highly sentient and rebelled against farmers in the best Animal Farm tradition, but rather the farmers are on strike. I expect the pigs are delighted. Meanwhile, there is an ample supply of prosciutto in my fridge.

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A bridge too far?

Sunday, May 25, 2008
The Italians have decided that they want to bridge the Strait of Messina, that which separates Sicily from the mainland.


In contrast to the rather half-baked (1/8th baked would be nearer the mark) Channel Tunnel, Rome seems intent on doing things in style:

"The 3,690-metre-long bridge has been designed to be able to handle 4,500 cars an hour and 200 trains a day."

And how much? A mere bagatelle at €6.5 bn. The Chunnel cost £10.1 bn in 2007 money, but that was an 80% cost over run, so do not expect the final bill to bear much resemblance to €6.5 bn....

Still, it is quite amusing to think that one could visit all of the Norman conquests - bar Malta, and the Isle of Wight etc - without getting one's feet wet.

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Those who cannot remember history....

Tuesday, April 08, 2008
A rather splendid, subtitled, video of an Italian manager making a rare old hash of his motivational speech.

Alas embedding has been disabled but click through, it is worth it.

With thanks to ANSA for telling me all about it.

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Loving one's 'job' just a little too much

Friday, March 14, 2008
From ANSA:

"A pregnant Croatian burglar fell from a balcony in northern Italy on Thursday and gave birth. Police said the woman, 26, lost her footing as she was trying to clamber into an apartment and fell from a height of 12 feet. Rushed to hospital, she was treated for bruises and soon after gave birth to a boy".

She should still get nicked, shouldn't she?

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Quote o' the day

Thursday, January 10, 2008
Today's quotee is Pope Benedict XVI, and his topic is football:

'Benedict voiced the hope that [football] ''may increasingly be the vehicle of the values of honesty, solidarity and fraternity'''.

And to think that Italian (and indeed, our own) footballers have been accused of diving, acting up, feigning injury, insulting referees, linesmen, fans, managers etc etc.

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Great lawsuits of our time

Wednesday, November 21, 2007
In which the head of the House of Savoy, and pretender to the throne of Italy, AKA Vittorio Emanuele Alberto Carlo Teodoro Umberto Bonifacio Amedeo Damiano Bernardino Gennaro Maria di Savoia (try fitting that in the average name box on a government form) and his son (who, rather feebly only has four middle names) are taking on the Repubblica Italiana, because, yes, you guessed it - they think their human rights have been violated.

As background, he lost his crown and was exiled after the war, following a referendum, and "They argue that by banning male members of the Savoy family from entering Italian territory, the constitution ran counter to the European Convention on human rights". They were allowed back in 2002, and it what might be seen as pushing their luck just a tad, they want €260 million in compensation, although they say any win would go to charity. The Venice in Peril Fund, maybe? Note that the Convention was only signed into law in 1950, so they have also taken a while to come up with this wheeze.

Should they win, the scope for litigation by others is quite substantial. Perhaps the heirs of Cromwell would like to try it on too.

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Romanian near-fascists to Alessandra Mussolini: We can be rude about our gypsies, but you mustn't.

Friday, November 09, 2007
A tale from Der Spiegel, which in the words of an SNP MEP, 'warms the heart':

The less than loveable Identity, Tradition, Sovereignty ragbag group in Brussels has had quite the falling out over recent events in Italy, "the murder of an Italian woman...which police suspect was perpetrated by a Romanian immigrant from the Roma community".

Alessandra Mussolini commented "Breaking the law became a way of life for Romanians", and the Partidul România Mare or Greater Romania Party does not like that interpretation at all: "The unconsciousness of this lady who makes easily generalizations, leaving us to understand that all the Romanians are living like delinquents and are making dreadful crimes -- remind us of her grandfather, the fascist dictator Benito Mussolini". And this comes from Corneliu Vadim Tudor (no relation) the non-MEP leader of the GRP. The GRP wants La Mussolini expelled from ITS.

Righty-ho. The GRP has designs on Moldova, the Vojvodina, bit of Ukraine and other places where Romanians are to be found other than Romania itself, and its publications "include articles that denied the Holocaust in Romania and took deliberately antagonistic positions toward Romanian Roma, ethnic Hungarians, and other minority groups". So, a nice bunch all round.

The ideological ancestors of both made common cause in the Axis, of course.

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How would you describe taxes? As beautiful?

Tuesday, October 09, 2007
A necessary evil, maybe? A source of intense irritation, perhaps?

Not, however, Tommaso Padoa-Schioppa, the Italian Economy Minister, and Brown's successor at the IMF: he thinks they are 'beautiful'. Yes, really.

""We should have the courage to say that taxes are a beautiful thing, a very civilised way for everyone to contribute in essential areas like education, safety, healthcare and the environment," he said. "People can be unhappy about the quality of the services they receive but not simply opposed to the existence of taxes," he added".

That's me guilty of first degree thought crime then.


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The country with left wing ex-pats

Friday, October 05, 2007
I would have thought it was almost a truism that national diasporas tend to be more inclined to vote right (in both senses...) than populations as a whole, but not, it would seem the Italians:

"The vote of Italians abroad turned out to be crucial in the April 2006 general election, where Berlusconi's centre-right coalition appeared to have won control of the Senate until the foreign votes were counted".

Seems rather mean of Italian ex-pats to inflict Romano Prodi on their less well-travelled compatriots. Given that 'Inglese Italianato è un diavolo incarnato', (first said of Sir John Hawkwood / Giovanni Acuto, apparently) just what does that make an anglicised Italian?

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Sauce for the goose...

Thursday, September 20, 2007
In a delightful up ending of the normal course of events, the Italian equivalent of the CBI (Confindustria) has lambasted the nation's MPs for paying themselves too much and for democracy being a rather expensive business.

Herewith extracts translated from Le Figaro:

"Public funding of political parties is the most expensive in Europe: €200.8m (£139m) per annum, compared to €132m (£92m) for Germany, €80m (£56m) for France and €9m (£6.3m) for Great Britain (sic). The average cost per parliamentarian is $1.5m (£1.04m) in Italy, double that of France and Germany, quadruple that of Westminster".


(I get pretty irate about state funding of parties in these parts. Were I an Italian, I fear my blood pressure would have led to an explosion by now)

"At the national Parliament, each 630 deputy receives approximately €21,500 euros per month (£15,000) between basic salary (€11,703 (£8,170) as with the Senate) and various allowances".


Not a bad scratch, is it? I think Confin's head honcho, Luca Cordero di Montezemolo, head of the FIAT group might be on to something.

And when are the CBI, IoD and the like going to stick it to our MPs, and folk on the other side of industry?

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Oh that La Serenissima ruled London....

Thursday, August 23, 2007
Because the City Council of Venice has set up an Urban Decorum office, with volunteers dishing out on the spot fines for '"indecorous behaviour' among tourists, which the city has decided includes sitting on the [pavement], eating sandwiches there or going bare-chested". More here.

Failing that, more power to The Chap magazine's 'Civilise the City' Manifesto:

"Pleasantness and civility are being discarded as the worthless ephemera of a bygone age - an age when men doffed their hats to the ladies, and small children could be counted upon to mind one's Jack Russell while one took a mild and bitter in the local hostelry....

The Chap proposes to take a stand against this culture of vulgarity. We must show our children that the things worth fighting for are not the latest plastic plimsolls but a shiny pair of brogues. We must wean them off their alcopops and teach them how to mix martinis. Let the young not be ashamed of their flabby paunches, which they try to hide in their nylon tracksuits - we shall show them how a well-tailored suit can disguise the most ruined of bodies. Finally, let us capitalise on youth's love of peculiar argot only replace their pidgin ghetto-speak with fruity bons mots and dry witticisms".


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Romano Prodi, theologian....

Thursday, August 02, 2007
As if being a former EU head commissar and leading a coalition including the extreme left is not enough, Prodi has decided to lecture Rome on matters of faith and the like:

"Prodi sparked the row on Tuesday when he said in an interview published by Catholic weekly Famiglia Cristiana: "When I go to Mass, why do I almost never hear the priest talk about tax evasion, which is an important moral issue?" The Catholic premier said a third of Italians were major tax dodgers and that "in order to change mentality, everyone has to do their bit, the schools and the Church included". Source

Well, well, well. The Church has been around an awful lot longer than the Italian Republic, and it ill behoves Prodi to tell it what to put in its homilies.

I cannot lay hands on the details, but I read some years back that if the Italian state collected all of the taxes it levies, they would amount to something like 110% of GDP, and that an espresso bought in a cafe suffers about a dozen different taxes.

Meanwhile, my archepiscopal hero of the day is Bruno Forte, the Archbishop of Chieti, "[who] said part of the blame lay with the government because it failed to show citizens that their money was being well spent".

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They are a tad sensitive in Perugia

Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Judging from an anathema being pronounced on jazz pianist Keith Jarrett for responding to heckling by referring to said place as a 'damn city'. Source

And that reaction from the jazz festival's artistic director Carlo Pagnotta, "I can understand everything, even being obsessed about the cameras, but you cannot insult an audience and even an entire city just because of a few flashes. As an artist Jarrett is sublime, but as a person he leaves much to be desired. It was unfortunate that we had to witness the schizophrenia of these two aspects".

A bit of digging makes it clear that Jarrett has form on these things, "Jarrett is notoriously intolerant of audience noise, including coughing and other involuntary sounds, especially during solo improvised performances. He feels that extraneous noise affects his musical inspiration. As a result, cough drops are routinely supplied to Jarrett's audiences in cold weather, and he has even been known to stop playing and lead the crowd in a "group cough." Source

Turns out Perugia is twinned with Seattle, and some how I cannot imagine Seattle-ites being quite so prickly.

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The Italian equivalent of the Inland Revenue rules on taxes for lap dancers

Friday, April 27, 2007
And of two possible tax rates, the Agenzia alle Entrate has chosen the higher, because "shows are in the 10% tax bracket while audience participation bumps up the tax to 16%", and prompted this po faced explanation:

"The active participation of the client in the dancer's act and his physical involvement in it are not caused by mere chance but are a strong characteristic of the very nature of the lap dance". More here

Do you suppose they based this on hearsay evidence, or the various government inspectors had to do some field research?

(And while I know that there are lap dancing cognoscenti among my regulars, let's keep this PG, please)

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Suffer from migraines? Good news for you.

Thursday, March 15, 2007
Well, ish. Neurologist Piero Barbanti of the San Raffaele research hospital in Rome has informed the world that "Migraines are an 'illness of the brainy'".

And his proposed action? A film festival encouraging "Film-makers..to make short films which illustrate how failing to seek professional advice about migraines can be disastrous". I can't see any of these being the next 'Dolce Vita' or 'Ladri di biciclette', although doubtless Dottore Barbanti means well.

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Mixed reviews for Cesare Borgia

Thursday, March 08, 2007
The man has some fans, but equally well some foes.

He was buried beneath the altar in a church in Viana in northern Spain in 1507, only to be 'dug up and dumped in the street outside by an outraged local bishop a few years later "so he could be trampled upon by man and beast"'.

His partisans wanted him back in the church, and all was set fair for this to happen on Sunday to coincide with the quincentenary of his death, but the Archbishop of Pamplona's office has rained on his parade: "Burials inside the Santa Maria Church have not been allowed for some time now", before adding this weaselly comment: it is not "a moral judgement on his place in history".

As a footnote, Dumas pére "states that some pictures of Jesus Christ produced around Borgia's lifetime were based on Cesare Borgia, and that this in turn has influenced images of Jesus produced since that time". I'll never view the Uffizi with the same eyes again.

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Roberto Calvi - anyone remember him?

Wednesday, March 07, 2007
If not, he was found hanged from Blackfriars Bridge in 1982, thus launching many conspiracy theories involving Masons, the Vatican, Old Uncle Tom Cobbleigh and all. There were two cornoner's reports in these parts, the first asserting suicide and the second one giving an open verdict.

However, state prosecutors in Rome is pursuing a murder charge against four alleged mafiosi , with the main motive being "revenge for not paying back laundered money to the Mafia".

25 years? Makes English justice look speedy, doesn't it?

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