The Croydonian

The two year project will result in the most comprehensive picture ever of our natural environment, the benefits it provides to society, and how it is changing".

I feel sorry for the poor devil who will be going through Epping Forest clicking every time he / she sees a fern, but sorrier for whoever has to peer at fungal spores on the rocks in the Peak District.

Facetiousness to one side, note this: 'The results will be used by Government to prioritise work so that the natural environment is enhanced'. Erm, the natural environment is what we would have if it was left untouched, so anything the state does, from the Forestry Commission (or whatever it is called this week - 'Treesational!' maybe?) to Canute efforts via nerds with laptops kicking leaves around to moss auditors sneezing in areas of outstanding natural beauty is rendering it unnatural.

I think that I will never see, a Benn Plan lovely as a tree....

Labels: facetiousness, furry creatures and similar, the badness of government

As revealed by a question in Parliament.

Labels: furry creatures and similar, Parliament

Just as we are all enjoying the fact that the deposed Mayor can do nothing more than howl into the void, someone comes up with the, quote, '“Livingstone Mayoralty Memorial Newt Bill”. I am not, repeat not, making this up.

Herewith the details:

"Mr. Andrew Robathan (Blaby) (Con): I beg to move, that leave be given to bring in a Bill to permit the disturbance of bats and newts for specified purposes; and for connected purposes.
...

I am very fond of bats and newts and it still thrills me when I see them. As a child, I used to catch newts when doing what is now known as “pond dipping”. Like Ken Livingstone, I like newts and, on that basis, I would name this Bill the “Livingstone Mayoralty Memorial Newt Bill”.

Although there may be some amusement here, this is a very serious issue. What links great crested newts and bats is that they are both European protected species—EPS—and that gives strict protection under the European habitats directive".

Mockery to one side, Robathan makes a serious point about the absurd penalties for disturbing newts and the like, and I wish him joy in his endeavour.

Labels: furry creatures and similar, Livingstone, Parliament

And here it is, from Hansard:

Mr. Hollobone: To ask the Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport what assessment he has made of the future prospects for the bingo industry; and if he will make a statement.

Mr. Sutcliffe: I hope to make a statement to the House on this and related matters shortly.

Crikey.

Meanwhile, I have unearthed another bee obsessive in Parliament:

Mr. Amess: To ask the Secretary of State for Business, Enterprise and Regulatory Reform what the UK's balance of trade in bees and bee products was in each year since 1997 in standard prices; and if he will make a statement.

Mr. Thomas: The following table gives HMRC overseas trade statistics for the value of trade in honey and wax. Data for trade in live bees cannot be separated from trade in other animals.

Perhaps they have run out of stingers to inflict on DEFRA and are now droning on at what was the DTI. Lombard Street to a rotten orange it will be Health next - how many people were stung in Lymeswold East last year etc etc.

Labels: bees, facetiousness, furry creatures and similar, The arts

Another bee obsessive in the House:

Mr. Gordon Prentice: To ask the Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs what discussions he has had with his German counterpart on (a) the suspension of the registration of eight insecticidal seed treatment products manufactured by Bayer and (b) the collapse in bee populations in Baden-Wurttemberg.

And, *just fancy*.....

Jonathan Shaw: There have been no ministerial discussions on this issue. However officials in the UK Pesticides Safety Directorate are in close contact with relevant officials in Germany.

I'm on the verge of pitying Shaw for all the bee obsessives he has to deal with, it is enough to make one break out in hives. Still, he is a cast iron cert to lose his seat at the next election.

Labels: bees, furry creatures and similar, Parliament

Labels: Cant, furry creatures and similar, United Nations, United States

Inspired by the news that the hoopoe has been crowned Israel's national bird, I have gone in search of national birds for other countries, and some random bloke on the internet says that our national bird is the robin. Well, it is as good a choice as any, but how and when was this decided, I wonder?

Elsewhere, and rather unsurprisingly, the French lay claim to the cockerel, while Germany goes for the white stork and Sweden for the blackbird. Our American friends insist on having birds for all 50 states, but with the bald eagle top of the heap. Then that was about as predictable as Australia going for the emu and New Zealand the kiwi. Mauritius has the dodo, which is a bit silly, frankly.

Labels: furry creatures and similar

From Italian news agency ANSA:

"Pork strike set for June 1".

Pigs have not become highly sentient and rebelled against farmers in the best Animal Farm tradition, but rather the farmers are on strike. I expect the pigs are delighted. Meanwhile, there is an ample supply of prosciutto in my fridge.

Labels: food and drink, furry creatures and similar, Italy

Labels: bees, furry creatures and similar, Parliament

Labels: fun with statistics, furry creatures and similar

Labels: furry creatures and similar, Parliament

Labels: furry creatures and similar, Parliament