Chiswickite - formerly The Croydonian

From The East African:

"In June 2009, Uganda conservationists had reason to smile: They witnessed the birth of the first ever baby rhino in Uganda, 27 years after the last rhino was seen. The rhino was named Obama, a tribute to its shared birth heritage with the current leader of the Free World. Like US President Obama, the baby rhino has an American mother and a Kenyan father".

Can't say I buy into Obamamania, but my skin is crawling.

Labels: furry creatures and similar, United States

Labels: France, furry creatures and similar, surveys

Not a lot happening today one hundred years back, and still less in 1959 and 1809. Hey ho...

However:

SECRETARY OF THE BOARD OF AGRICULTURE AND FISHERIES BILL

....

Mr. MUNRO FERGUSON It is quite true that this is not an occasion for offering any opposition to this Bill, and I doubt whether anyone in the House entertains any feeling of opposition to it.

Always a worrying sign. To quote a quarter remembered line from Bernard Levin, 'anything that unites both sets of backbanchers will necessarily be a scheme against the general public'.

And, note, horrible misuse of langauge:

All that I would do further is to remind the Prime Minister and the House that the third and impossible alternative would be to add another ordinary hide-bound Scottish Board to the number of Boards which are already in Scotland.

Pa Croydonian (GRHS) would be driven to distraction by the suggestion of multiple alternatives. Like father, like son..

That apart, Ferguson was not happy:

Every interest in Scotland connected with agriculture has decayed, and reached figures which demand the serious attention of statesmen who value the character, permanence, and vigour of our people. We find that in all Scotland there are only 79,000 separate occupations, while in Ireland there are 516,000; Denmark, which is half the size of Scotland, has 250,000; and in the German Empire there are 5,200,000 occupations under 50 acres. Even that does not represent the full extent of the evil, because while there are 79,000 separate occupations, a great many of those occupations are not separately occupied.

Erm, maybe folk had found an easier or more profitable way of making a living than farming...

After much special pleading he came up with this:


In the same way that a department of health keeps out diseases of humans, I suppose.

Sir Alpheus Morton (Lib):

....What we really want is Home Rule for Scotland in regard to her local affairs. I will give an instance. Take the case of tobacco-growing. We had a Bill for Scotland to enable tobacco to be grown, and I at once asked the Secretary for Scotland whether the Government would be prepared to assist tobacco-growing in Scotland as the Irish Board of Agriculture had assisted it in Ireland...

I shudder to think quite how fierce Scots tobacco would be. Sobranies would taste like health cigarettes in comparison.


Finance Bill (Medicinal Spirits)

Sir CLEMENT HIL (Lib, I think) asked the Chancellor of the Exchequer whether he can see his way to exempt spirits used for medicinal purposes only from the extra duty proposed by the Finance Bill?

Mr. LLOYD-GEORGE I must refer the hon. Member to the reply which I gave on 16th June last to the hon. Member for Wolverhampton West.

Alas that reply refuses to be tracked down, but I think L-G should have said 'come off it Clem'.

Those cattle had great PR bods:

Captain CRAIG asked the Chief Secretary for Ireland whether he is aware that on a farm at Ballygoughlin, near Glin, county Limerick, a cow was found a few days ago with two legs missing, which had evidently been hacked off with some sharp instrument; and, if so, whether any arrest has been made by the police in connection with this outrage?

Mr. BIRRELL I am informed by the constabulary authorities that on 25th July a cow was found on the farm in question with its forelegs houghed. The police are investigating the case, but no arrests have yet been made.

Indeed, not a Friesian falleth on the ground without Mr Birrell.

Labels: a thousand years ago, furry creatures and similar, Parliament

Dumbfounding, isn't it?

"A [US] campaign is underway to give a more positive “spin” to being catty. The “Tidy Cats Campaign to End Cattiness” campaign kicked off July 27 to debunk misperceptions and celebrate millions of people who happily share their homes – and hearts – with cats. (It is a PR stunt for a company that makes litter trays and the like)

Among Americans polled in a national survey sponsored by Tidy Cats:
....

58 percent regard people with more than one cat as “crazy cat ladies"

A second part of the survey polled non-cat owners. Their responses:

• 75 percent of them report multiple cat owners’ homes as smelly
• 85 percent of them report these cat owners’ beds and furniture are fur covered.
• 66 percent of them report these cat owners’ homes as being cluttered.

In a poll aimed at people who have more than one cat, the results reveal:

• 96 percent view themselves as being caring and loving
• 90 percent see themselves as being generous

Etc etc.

And the best bit: "Nearly a quarter of multiple cat owners surveyed admitted that they would like to eliminate the "crazy cat lady" stereotype and prefer terms such as "cat lover" and "animal lover."

Does that mean the other 75% revel in the term? CCL pride, mebbe?

Can't say I would want a cat, as I have a minor allergy to pet hair, but am happy enough to engage with friends' mogs at least until I get scratched, bored or my eyes start streaming. If they make folk happy, fine - it's none of my business. I have been known to propagate the CCL idea indirectly by referring to a woman I knew thus -'and she has eight cats. You fill in the blanks'. That tended to prompt knowing nods.

JuliaM has pointed out this excellent action figure, which assuredly merits the edit:


And there's a 'are you a crazy cat lady?' test here.

Labels: furry creatures and similar, surveys

Never been enormously keen on horses, then again I am not a pre-teen girl. I would not be affected by a horse tax, but you can just see this lot slavering at the prospect that ticks so many boxes - hard to avoid, targets the well off, bashes rural folk, Newmarket is not a Labour seat, might finish off hunting once and for all.

Unless it is extended to clothes horses, I am in the clear.

As a footnote, the Earl has a splendid name: Charles Henry John Benedict Crofton Chetwynd Chetwynd-Talbot, 22nd Earl of Shrewsbury, 7th Earl Talbot and 22nd Earl of Waterford. He's one of us, by the way.

Labels: furry creatures and similar, Taxes

Question o' the day:

"Daniel Kawczynski: To ask the Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs pursuant to the answer of 15 December 2008, Official Report, column 324W, on horses: artificial insemination, how many semen straws from the Hanoverian stallion Weltmeyer, reference 31-44035-84, have been imported into the UK since January 1989".

Weltmeyer appears to specialise in dressage.

And came the answer: Jim Fitzpatrick: This information can be provided only at disproportionate cost.

Had it been otherwise, I suspect that Fitzpatrick could look forward to a lifetime of people not wanting to shake his hand.

Government in 'leaving things well alone' shocker:

Mark Pritchard: To ask the Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs if he will bring forward legislation to prohibit the keeping of primates as pets.

Jim Fitzpatrick: The Government have no plans to introduce legislation to prohibit the keeping of primates as pets because we are not aware of any evidence to suggest that there is a widespread problem to warrant such action.

Well knock me down with the proverbial.

Fitzpatrick is getting all the corkers today:

Mr. Stewart Jackson: To ask the Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs whether his Department has issued guidance to local authorities on controlling weeds.

Jim Fitzpatrick: DEFRA has policy responsibility for the five injurious weeds covered by the Weeds Act 1959 (Common Ragwort, Creeping or Field Thistle and Spear Thistle and Curled and Broad Leaved Dock) and also for invasive species, such as Japanese knotweed and water primrose.

I have long opined that the only difference between a flower and a weed is PR.

The woman mountain that is Sian James bowls a googly:

Mrs. James: To ask the Secretary of State for Wales what assessment he has made of the likely effect of proposals contained in the Building Britain’s Future document on the level of criminal activity in Wales

Bet that sent the minister into a cold sweat. However, he recovered his composure sufficiently to answer thus:

Mr. David: Building Britain’s Future, our strategic plan to build a more prosperous, stronger and fairer country contains enforceable entitlements that will help to reduce the level of criminal activity in Wales. (blah)

What, it won't give us all shiny coats and wet noses? Unlike oral questions, there are not too many Whips' pet questions in the written answers sections, so I trust James will slide back to obscurity, if there is enough room. (/ungllant comments)

And which country has the most disloyal citizenry?

Colin Burgon: To ask the Secretary of State for the Home Department how many non-UK born people have been given British citizenship in each of the last three years; and from which countries such people originated.

In Europe, loosely defined (Turkey is NOT Europe), it was Turks (4,640), Serbs (1,865) and Russians (1,380) queuing up to implore God to save the Queen last year. Excluding microstates, Slovenes (5) were the least enthusiastic about becoming Britons. From the Americas it was Jamaicans (2,2715) and Yanks (2,205), Somalis (7,165 - and who can blame them) from Africa. However, the overall leaders are Indians, with 11,825 turning their backs on their Bharat homes.

Men and women behaving badly:

Chris Huhne:...how many (a) men and (b) women have been (i) proceeded against, (ii) found guilty of and (iii) sentenced to immediate custody for a drink-driving offence in each year since 1997.

And the mumber of proceedings against men has fallen by some 17% over 10 years, while women are 35% more proceeded against. By my calculations, women will overtake men by the mid 2030s.

Was he worried about Tom Watson?:

Lembit Öpik: To ask the Minister for the Cabinet Office how many deaths resulting from an eating disorder were recorded in (a) 2004, (b) 2005, (c) 2006, (d) 2007 and (e) 2008; and if she will make a statement.

Current Cabinet Office types are quite svelte.

An interesting question here:

Tony Baldry: To ask the Secretary of State for International Development which states he considers to be fragile.

Not that he got much of an answer, but the minister did resist the temptation to say 'China' (rimshot) :

Mr. Michael Foster: The Department for International Development (DFID) is committed to increasing its efforts in fragile states, and so a list is needed to monitor our progress. DFID’s current list combines a mix of the World Bank’s Country Policy and Institutional Assessment (CPIA) index and the Fund for Peace’s Failed States Index (FSI). We will update the list every two years with the next update due in October this year.

The FSI has Somalia top of the table, edging out Zim at 114.7 to 114.0. The DPRK is 17th at 98.3. We are 161st at 33.7, behind the Western European big four, but ahead of Belgium. Norway wins at 18.3.

Labels: furry creatures and similar, Parliament

One of my all time favourite jokes involves proferring an outstretched hand, and then rhythmically squeezing the hand offered in return while avering 'hello, I'm from the Milk Marketing Board'. I tried it on a dairy farmer once, and he rather liked it.

Sticking with matters rural:

Why the superfluous detail?

Meanwhile, DEFRA's reading material:

And what a list it is. I am not going to quibble over Farmers Weekly, Horticulture Week or even the doubtless thrilling Agbiotech Reporter, but the Radio Times? And National Geographic?

The latest costs for the Northern Ireland Lawyer Welfare Fund various public inquiries are in. My previous update appeared in February, and the Nelson Inquiry has (to May) cost £41.1m and the Hamill Inquiry £26.8m.

Is someone feeling the impact of Troughgate / worried about his majority and looking for a new income stream?:

Mr. Gordon Prentice: To ask the Chancellor of the Exchequer what the odds of winning a minimum prize with a £500 Premium Bond holding were in (a) 1992, (b) 1997, (c) 2001, (d) 2005 and (e) 2009.

The figures were 1 in 23 in '92 and are now 1 in 73. I could note Milton Friedman's (?) observation that the odds on the illegal New York Numbers game were considerably better than those of the state sanctioned lottery that was brought in to, inter alia, protect the public.

An interesting if somewhat creepy Q&A:

Mark Pritchard: To ask the Secretary of State for Justice how many bodies of persons who died in the last 10 years in England and Wales remain unidentified.

Bridget Prentice: Where a deceased person cannot be identified the body must be disposed of by the local authority in accordance with the relevant provisions of the Public Health (Control of Disease) Act 1984, either by burial or cremation. Central records of such disposals are not kept.

Labels: furry creatures and similar, Parliament

From the Sydney Morning Herald:

Manly penguins get sniper bodyguard

Doesn't sound very butch to me. Away from the joke opportunities, the poor beasties have been attacked by dogs and / or foxes.

Labels: Australia, furry creatures and similar, headlines

I'm going to miss this during the recess...

Here's a good question:

Mr. Paice: To ask the Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport what estimate he has made of the amount of waste arising from his Department in (a) 2006-07 and (b) 2007-08 (i) in total and (ii) per full-time equivalent member of staff.

And came the response:

Mr. Sutcliffe: The Department has made the following estimate of the amount of waste arising:

Total 2006-07: 2,070 tonnes, 2007-08: 187.32 tonnes

Per full-time equivalent member of staff: 2006-07: 2.49 tonnes/FTE, 2007-08: 0.27 tonnes/FTE.

That's an awful lot of 'eye-catching initiatives', press releases and so forth.

Looks like the Taliban do a bit of Hansard trawling themselves:

Dr. Fox: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence how many times each type of aircraft has (a) come under fire and (b) been damaged by enemy fire in Afghanistan in each of the last five years.

Mr. Bob Ainsworth: I am withholding the information as its disclosure would, or would be likely to prejudice the capability, effectiveness or security of the armed forces.

Head scratcher o' the day:

Andrew Rosindell: To ask the Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs if he will undertake research into the effect of dog microchipping schemes on (a) levels of crime and (b) perceptions of crime.

Jim Fitzpatrick: There are no plans to assess the effect of dog microchipping schemes on levels of (a) crime and (b) perception of crime.

Erm, how would the questions be phrased? 'Do you feel safer at night knowing that cyborg dogs roam the land?'.

And what about this?:

Tim Loughton: To ask the Secretary of State for Children, Schools and Families how many and what proportion of pupils eligible to receive free school meals have been entered for GCSE Latin in each year since 1997.

Ms Diana R. Johnson: The information requested can be provided only at disproportionate cost.

Repeat after me, "Correlation does not imply causation".

Labels: arms and the man, furry creatures and similar, Parliament

Not bad, huh? Maybe the good people of Jaslo should give it a watch.

Labels: EU fun and games, furry creatures and similar, Greenery

Maybe he is pining for 'this is the age of the train', or 'we're getting there'.

Something for Lord Adonis to do during the working day:

Tempting to wander the mean streets filming cars on double yellows and uploading the results to Youtube with suitably lurid descriptions.

The most unanswerable question of the week, probably:

Bob Spink: To ask the Secretary of State for Justice what estimate he has made of the cost to his Department of the statutory obligations upon it provided for in legislation on matters for which it is responsible which were introduced as a consequence of obligations arising from EU legislation in the most recent 12 months for which figures are available. [283472]

Mr. Straw: Information as to statutory obligations arising from EU legislation and their associated costs is not held centrally by the Department and could not be collected without disproportionate cost.

I suppose Straw could have replied 'how long is a piece of string', so I suppose he should be commended for his restraint.

In an unintentionally (?) telling juxtaposition, this question

'James Brokenshire: To ask the Minister for the Cabinet Office how many (a) men and (b) women aged (a) under 20, (b) between 21 and 30, (c) between 31 and 40, (d) between 41 and 50, (e) between 51 and 60 and (f) 61 years and above died from an underlying cause which was alcohol-related in each of the last 10 years

(A total of 5,870 last year)

was followed by this:

Mrs. Curtis-Thomas: To ask the Minister for the Cabinet Office how many cannabis-related deaths there were in (a) Crosby constituency and (b) Merseyside in the last 12 months

and the response

There were no deaths where the underlying cause was drug poisoning and cannabis was mentioned alone or with other substances on the death certificate in (a) Crosby constituency,in 2007 (the latest year available).

There were no deaths where the underlying cause was drug poisoning and cannabis alone was mentioned on the death certificate.. in Merseyside metropolitan county, in 2007

Labels: drugs, furry creatures and similar, the demon drink

From Greenlandic daily Sermitsiaq:

"Beer replaced with bear"

"Alcohol ran out in the town of Illoqqortoormiut in eastern Greenland over two weeks ago....The only incident for police to respond to has been an inquisitive polar bear on the lookout for an easy lunch...As the annual quota of polar bears had already been reached it was necessary for a police official to carry out the task, which Nielsen, a constable, was on hand to do....The meat has been divided out between the community’s public institutions...The town’s residents will have access to alcohol again on arrival of the next service ship at the beginning of August".

More on the town with no beer here, and a google earth satellite shot here.

Where I an Illoqqortoormiuter, I'd pace myself the next time I got my mitts on whatever they drink in those parts. Meanwhile, I would not trade two months of sauce for a couple of wagyu steaks, let alone polar bear.

Labels: furry creatures and similar, Greenland, the demon drink

The demon drink:

Mr. Sanders: To ask the Secretary of State for the Home Department what plans his Department has to restrict the means by which business may promote alcohol consumption.

Mr. Alan Campbell :(blah) Ministers have not yet taken any final decisions on the content of the mandatory code but some of the measures we are consulting on include: banning offers like “all you can drink for £10”; outlawing pubs and bars offering promotions to certain groups, such as “women drink free” nights; banning staff dispensing alcohol directly into customers’ mouths; requiring that consumers are able to make informed choices when they buy alcohol; and requiring bars and pubs to offer smaller measures available for customers who want them.

The last one suggests much scope for mischief. Who fancies ordering a thimbleful of C18th Chateau Lafite at the Savoy? Also, informed choice - does this mean the bar staff will be hectoring the poor belaguered drinker. Incidentally, my local plays host to a gent who has been drinking there since 1940 - an example to us all.

Weird Hansard subbing of the day: 'Police Community Support Officers: Clothing'. That refers to this - 'Mr. Watson: To ask the Secretary of State for the Home Department how many police community support officers were assaulted while on duty in each of the last three years'. (Scratches head in bewilderment)

The Senior Servive makes its Jolly Jack Tars sick, or at least sicker than does the RAF, with 12.8% of the former either Not fully fit for task or unfit for task. It is 11.9% for the Fly Boys.

Non-answer o' the day:

Mr. Gummer: To ask the Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs how many hours he spent on his ministerial duties in the seven-day period beginning Sunday 7 June 2009.

Dan Norris: My right hon. Friend the Secretary of State (Hilary Benn) had a full diary of official duties.

Naturally... I think we should make them fill out timesheets, the results would make Troughgate look like very small potatoes if completed honestly, and if the sheets included codes for 'plotting', 'anonymous briefings to do down colleagues', 'daydreaming about being PM' etc. Suggestions along the same lines would be welcome.

And the sheep will inherit if not the earth, than at least the following places: Devon, North Yorkshire, Cumbria and Northumberland, as judging from the answer to this - 'what estimate has been made of the number of sheep in each county in England' they have clear cut sheep majorities. Mackems should be comparatively safe if the sheep rise up, as there are a mere 223 of them in the City of Sunderland.

Hackney is not a big enough problem for Diane Abbott:

"Ms Abbott: To ask the Secretary of State for International Development what steps his Department is taking to assist women and girls in Africa whose employment and education is jeopardised by the recession".

And African men, and come to that, Latin American women can go to hell for all she cares, presumably.

Something very creepy has been happening to a child near you:

Mr. Hunt: To ask the Secretary of State for Health when he expects the results of the National Child Measurement Programme for 2008-09 to be published.

Gillian Merron: The NHS Information Centre will publish the results of the National Child Measurement Programme for 2008-09 in December 2009

.

Labels: furry creatures and similar, Parliament

Hain is back. Boo and indeed hiss:

Mr. Blunt: To ask the Secretary of State for Wales how many breaches of information security there have been in his Department in the last five years. [281095]

Mr. Hain: There have been no breaches of information security in the Wales Office in the last five years.

Shouldn't that be 'as far as we know'?

The cost of running the CAP:

Bob Spink: To ask the Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs what the cost to the public purse of the Common Agricultural Policy integrated administration and control system was in each of the last five years.

Jim Fitzpatrick:...It is not possible to provide the specific costs to these bodies of administering IACS-only schemes in the time available without incurring disproportionate costs, as they do not separately collect such figures.

However, it was the merest bagatelle of £292m in 2007-08. Doubtless a bargain at 15 times the price.

Our old friend (so to speak) Jane Kennedy deserves credit for her choice of reading matter while at DEFRA - Farmers Weekly, Farmers Guardian, Fishing News. Wonder if she has taken a personal subscription to those titles now... Lord Hunt opts for the farming mags, but skips the fishing title.

Something to gladden the hearts of both a former Mayor of London and Gussie Fink-Nottles everywhere:

Mr. Stephen O'Brien: To ask the Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs what estimate he has made of the number of people qualified to survey land in England for signs of great crested newt activity.

Huw Irranca-Davies: People with suitable experience and skills can apply to Natural England for a licence to handle/disturb great crested newts. For the year April 2007 to March 2008, Natural England issued 1,074 great crested newt licences, permitting activities for the purpose of science and conservation. Figures cannot be broken down further to indicate how many of these licence holders were engaged in surveying land for signs of great crested newt activity

Must make the licence holders a wow at dinner parties. Newt disturbing sounds almost as alarming as sheep worrying. How does one disturb a great crested newt? Suggest that its titular distinction is not all that, frankly?

Mr. Salmond: To ask the Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs when he plans to reply to the letter of 31 March 2009 from the right hon. Member for Banff and Buchan on his constituents in Macduff.

Ruddock's answer, alas, was not that doubtless blameless burghers of Macduff should lock up their families to keep them safe from the wicked burghers of Macbeth.

Moving south:

Mr. Graham Stuart: To ask the Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs what the eutrophication status of the Humber estuary is; and if he will make a statement. [280778]

Huw Irranca-Davies: The Environment Agency, which surveys waters in England for their eutrophic status, does not consider the Humber to be eutrophic or likely to become eutrophic in the near future.

Thanks for clearing that up HI-D. Feel free to look it up, I had to.

Dominic Grieve has a lengthy question about re-offending rates among of those convicted of sundry crimes against the person or property, and theieves and burglars are the most given to recidivism. Note, however, that those with custodial sentences were more likely to re-offend than those subject to court orders - imprisoned thieves re-offended at a rate of 75.6 and court ordered thieves at a rate of 59.1. Interesting, no? Doubtless those imprisoned had committed graver offences, but even so.

Better late than never:

Greg Clark: To ask the Secretary of State for Energy and Climate Change if he will take steps to support Earth Hour on 28 March 2009; and if he will make a statement.

Joan Ruddock [holding answer 26 March 2009]: I apologise for the delay in this response (blah)

(Snigger)

The Foreign Office's ministers manage one foreign language title between them: Le Monde, which Miliband reads, apparently. Private Eye is considerably more popular, with Miliband Major, Malloch-Brown and Lord Davies all poring over HP Sauce and the Broonites once a fortnight.

And yet more newtery:

Mr. Stephen O'Brien: To ask the Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government what estimate he has made of the cost to the construction industry of compliance with conditions attached to planning permissions in respect of (a) great crested newts and (b) bats in each of the last five years. [280860]

Mr. Ian Austin: No estimate has been made of the cost to the construction industry of compliance with conditions attached to planning permissions in respect of great crested newts or bats.

O'B is clearly the primo caudataphile (or might he be a - gasp - caudataphobe?) in Parliament.

Labels: furry creatures and similar, Parliament

Even if he only inflicts himself onone class per visit, that must some 2300 children traumatised in a year. Not to mention the teachers who will have been seeking refuge in gin, chardonay or whatever later in the day. Good news for the nation's psychotherapists at least.

And a contender for weirdest question of the year:

Mr. Drew: To ask the Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs if he will make it his policy to provide a service for the collection and disposal of badger carcases found (a) on land adjacent to individual households and (b) in water courses

I am not making this up, and the response to Drew was not 'are you on crack, matey?'.

"Jim Fitzpatrick: DEFRA has no plans to provide a service of this nature". Blah etc

Unfortunate perhaps, as we are thus spared dead badger collection boxes to go along with the orange bags, green recycling boxes etc. Perhaps they should have black and white stripes, thus giving the various municipal bin stasis the opportunity to levy ferocious fines for putting dead zebras, skunks etc in the boxes.

Bees are back on the parliamentary menu in a big way (see passim), and I am indebted to Simon Burns for this:

Mr. Burns: To ask the Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs which (a) organisations and (b) individuals were consulted during the development of his Department's bee health research Rationale, Objectives, Appraisal, Monitoring and Evaluation statement.

Jim Fitzpatrick [holding answer 18 June 2009]: DEFRA’s bee health research Rationale, Objectives, Appraisal, Monitoring and Evaluation statement (ROAME) was included as part of the public consultation on the Healthy Bees plan which commenced on 8 April 2008 and closed on 29 August 2008. The consultation documents were published on the DEFRA website and were sent to the following organisations.

Among the organisations quizzed were:

Bee Diseases Insurance Ltd.

Commercial Queen Rearers’ Association Of The UK (My favourite, that. Make up your own off colour joke)

Women’s Food and Farming Union - What is women's food anyway? Probably not pork scratchings.

BASF. If memory serves, the Tommies of WW1 fought in unforms dyed by BASF

A quick one on Gib:

Chris Bryant saying something sensible. Miracles will never cease.

Bob Spink: To ask the Secretary of State for Health how many children were admitted to hospital as a result of an accident in school in each month of the last five years; and if he will make a statement.

The table shows that under 18s are most likely to get hospitalised in late autumn and winter. Given that the peak figure was 27 in March 2005-6, I take the figures cum grano salis, as I was responsible for at least two school-related hospital admissions - I was a little accident prone as a small person

Labels: bees, furry creatures and similar, Gibraltar

Shame Steen won't be able to to roll up to the door of John Coombe of Brixton and say 'Look what I've done, do the decent thing and vote for me'. Because he's standing down...

Brown's odd use of language:

Aviation related factlet o' the day:

Odious though the turncoat Davies is, he missed the opportunity to say to Howarth - who cares how much it costs, mid-air refuelling is just awesomely cool.

Sticking with VC10, say hello to this week's most contrived acronym: "Maintenance of the RAF VC10 fleet is provided by BAE Systems under a partnering agreement called JAVELIN (joint approach to VC10 engineering and logistics integration)"

Guess who does not represent a naval constituency:

Ellwood represents Bournemouth East, and may well have set himself up for a lifetime of letters from Disgusted of Portsmouth, Disgruntled of Plymouth etc etc. Given that the FFA is only five years off getting its hands on some really hot planes for the first time in decades, Ellwood is being really mean.

Guess how many lags per screw there are in the nation's category C prisons, which hold 'those who cannot be trusted in open conditions but who are unlikely to try to escape'?

Dizzy just volunteered 500, my guess would have been maybe 20. In fact it varies from 2.3 to 5.1 per prison. A far cry from 'Porridge'. Meanwhile, I also discover that there are some 525 septuagenarians (or older) doing time.

We, the Great British Public, are somewhat unimpressed by the criminal justice system:

Mr. Grieve: To ask the Secretary of State for Justice what assessment he made of the level of public confidence in the criminal justice system in 2008.

Mr. Straw: Public confidence in the criminal justice system (CJS) is measured using the British crime survey (BCS). In the year to March 2008 44 per cent. of people were confident that the CJS is effective in bringing people who commit crimes to justice. This rose from 39 per cent. in 2003, and met the Government’s target for the period 2003—2008.

That's pretty dire.

Andrew Robathan is a chiropteraphile. That's a bat lover.

"I like bats, I love seeing bats flying and I want bat populations to flourish"

Which is nice. Doubtless bats feel the same way about the family Robathan, although probably not the flying bit. Way back lost in the mists of time, the one time family home of Ma and Pa Croydonian had yearly visitors in the form of Leisler's bat, a comparative rarity in England. Chiropteraphiles would descend on Croydonian Towers to capture, tag and gaze in awe at said bats. There was also the fun of a Christmas card addressed to the family 'and your bats'.

Labels: arms and the man, crime and punishment, furry creatures and similar, Parliament

I present the 'Avenging Narwhal play set', which comes with 'four magical tusks and three adorable animals to impale'.

Yes, really:

A close up of the box can be seen here.

The company would also appear to be the creators of 'the best selling librarian action figure of all time', as blogged last year.

Labels: furry creatures and similar

Rats with wings, aren't they?

Labels: furry creatures and similar, South Korea

From Hansard:

Andrew Rosindell: To ask the Secretary of State for Scotland how many sheep farms in Scotland he has visited in an official capacity in the last 12 months.

Mr. Jim Murphy: I have not visited a sheep farm in Scotland in my official capacity.

Which begs the question, has Murphy been sheep worrying in an unofficial capacity?

Might there be a lesson for Miliband here:?

Chris Huhne: To ask the Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs how many members of staff in his Department and its agencies were dismissed (a) for under-performance and (b) in total in each of the last 10 years.

Gillian Merron: 19 members of Foreign and Commonwealth Office (FCO) staff have been dismissed for inefficiency (which covers failure of sick absence procedures and poor performance) and eight members of FCO Services (FCOS) staff have been dismissed for under-performance. 43 members of FCO staff have been dismissed since 2004 and 24 members of FCOS staff have been dismissed in total over the last 10 years.

And hurrah for St Kitts & Nevis:

Mr. Amess: To ask the Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs what reports he has received on the number of persons who walked out during the speech of the Iranian President at the UN Durban 2 anti-racism conference; and if he will make a statement.

Gillian Merron: The Government are aware that all EU delegations who attended the Durban review conference, and the representative of St. Kitts and Nevis, left the hall when the Iranian President made comments deemed to be offensive.

And 101 damnations for all of the delegates who thought that Ahemedinejad was just engaging in a bit of banter.

Meanwhile, going on active service is not exactly remunerative:

Daniel Kawczynski: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence what levels of Operational Allowance are payable to troops in (a) Afghanistan, (b) Iraq and (c) each other country in which Operational Allowance is payable.

Mr. Bob Ainsworth: The operational allowance is paid at the same rate for all qualifying locations. The allowance amounts to £2,380 for a six month operational tour, equating to £13.08 per day.

I would look up per diems for Parliamentarians, but I am too lazy.

Has Mark Lancaster spotted the new property hotspot?

Mr. Lancaster: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence what the estimated value is of each of his Department's properties on Ascension Island; and when the last valuation was carried out. [276174]

Mr. Kevan Jones: The Ministry of Defence has some 200 individual property assets on Ascension Island recorded on its asset registers ranging from stores to accommodation blocks. Valuations are carried out on a rolling five-year basis based on the depreciated replacement cost of the assets. The last formal valuation of the assets was carried out in 2005-06 and the next will take place during 2010-11.

How, one wonders, does one go about valuing property on Ascension Island? I do not suppose there are that many residential sales each year there, let alone commercial property transactions. A market price can only be established if there is a buyer.

Labels: arms and the man, furry creatures and similar, Parliament

From Hansard:

"Bill Wiggin: To ask the Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs how many dogs in England and Wales have been placed on the register of exempt dogs under section 4A and section 4B procedures under the Dangerous Dogs (Amendment) Act 1997 in each year since 1997; and if he will make a statement. [272366]".

We are talking pit bulls here, plus the marvelously named 'dogo Argentino', inter alia.


But instead:

The 2009 figures are up to April, so one might reasonably anticipate that 2009's figures will mark a new high. Anyway, what does this tell us? That some puppy farm has hired a particularly crafty lawyer, that DEFRA is getting more credulous - 'This is Fang. 'e wouldn't 'urt a fly and he loves kids'. 'Absolutely, you've convinced me' - or the law is just being ignored. Meanwhile, there must be at least 600 of them available for your neighbourhood crack dealer, junk yard owner etc to avail himelf of.

Labels: furry creatures and similar