The Croydonian

Les Echos has grilled private sector Gauls as to where they would be prepared to move for work, so courtesy of their data (and my mapping - the crapauds used a PDF...) here's where to go if you want to hang out with the young Turks, or how to avoid them:
Red is where 56-72% would regard relocation there as desirable
Orange - 40-56%
Yellow - 24-40%
White - 8-23%

That they fancy the South is no huge surprise - Provence-Alpes Cotes d'Azur is top at 72% - and I know that the West is generally well favoured. There is no option to choose the DOM-TOMs - Martinique, Tahiti and - ahem - St Pierre & Miquelon etc, otherwise doubtless that would scoop the pool. However, I assumed that Nord-Pas de Calais (17%) would be bottom of the heap, but it isn't - that honour goes to Champagne Ardennes at 8%. Shame they did not take it down to departmental level.

As to the more adventurous ones, it isn't Kensington they are all pining for, but rather Montreal and Geneva, with Quebec, ahem, Canada (88%) leading followed by the US (73%), Switzerland, Spain, Luxembourg (nothing to do with the tax situation, everything to do with the crazy nightlife...) and only then Albion Perfide. Shunned Francophone lands and ex colonies include Belgium and both North and Southern Africa. The latter is last at 16%.

I ask because French Sunday Journal du Dimanche was good enough to commission a survey on public attitudes to pompiers, militaires, gendarmes and policiers. Sadly, there is no data on attitudes to l'art pompier, hélas.... However, there are plenty of nuggets in the findings including the relatively high level of antipathy to the four groups above from the liberal professions. Note, 'The policing of the countryside, rivers and coastal areas, and small towns with populations under 10,000 (outside of the jurisdiction of the French National Police). About half the French population is under the direct jurisdiction of the Gendarmerie'. Source

Despite, or perhaps because of their storied drinking exploits, near as damn it everyone has a good opinion of pompiers, with only a 1% 'mainly bad' for women, 34-49s, liberal professions, manual workers, Greens, Parisians and Bayrou voters. Maybe there is one embittered middle aged Bayrou fan architect lurking in St Germain....

The military do not get quite such a vote of confidence, with 24% of those liberal professionals answering 'mainly bad'. Same figure for Greens, with 26% for Communists. So much for a Soviet of workers, peasants and soldiers... Sarko's 2007 voters top the scale at 95% positive. Perhaps the 10% of unenthusiastic Le Pen suporters are still hacked off about the De Gaulle Algeria move.

As to the Gendarmes, a surprising two-thirds of the extreme left are keen, with a third anti. And 83% of Communist voters. I am NOT making this up. Elsewhere, there are a peevish 20% of lawyers / civil servants etc. Given that the young are most likely to brush up against the plod, note that only 19% of 18-24s are anti. Looks like there will be no repeat of May '68 any time soon.

The police need to start winning hearts and minds, as the headline 'mainly favourable' figure is 81%, but 76% for men. 37% of 18-24s are unfavourable as are 46% of Trots (extreme left here) and 22% of Communists. Socio-demographically it is those lawyers, doctors etc who most dislike being stopped for drink driving - 29%.

Elsewhere, 61% regret the end of conscription, split between 41% of under 35s and 69% of over 35s. The 28% of 18-24s who regret it presumably are all gazing lovingly at St Cyr. Astonishingly, 46% of Trots and 63% of Communists regret it ending, and 23% of Le Pen's lot are glad it has gone.

Strange lot, sometimes, our neighbours.

As to what the force de frappe etc should be applied against, 66% see international terrorism as the key enemy, with 45% opting for 'Islamism', 32% nuclear proliferation states and 28% China. Uncle Sam will be pleased that he has dropped 16 points from the 31% in 2002 seeing him as principal adversary to 'just' 14%. We do not get a look in, as we are not named, and there is 1% for 'others'. Professionals and manual labourers are most likely to fear the 101st Airborne

New pickings from the ever rich seam that is the French extreme left, with the Trot postie (LCR) and the Trot bank clerk (LO) going mano a mano:

"No compromise with non-revolutionary workers communist parties". Well, that's how I have rendered "Hors d’un parti communiste ouvrier et révolutionnaire, point de salut !" Until such time as I can compare notes with my tame Gauls, any better stabs that better combine sense and technical accuracy are welcome.

And why is Lutte ouvrière (the bank clerk's lot) getting antsy? Because splitters, class traitors, Judean People's Front etc etc are talking to the Nouveau Parti anticapitaliste (NPA) of Olivier Besancenot (the postie), a new vehicle he's knocked up from the LCR and a few useful idiots.

I would like to say that this has shades of Jorge Luis Borges' phrase "a fight between two bald men over a comb" (he was speaking of the Falklands war, but less of that later...), but our French friends will insist on giving terrifying levels of support to the insurrectionist left (see passim).

Anyway, Olly proved to have the bigger dustbin of history during the last presidential election, with more than 1 Gaul in 25 thinking that LCR should have the vanguard role, to the derisory 1 in 75 who awarded the spoils to LO.

Arlette Laguiller stuck her fingers in her ears and is not listening: "We are a party of militants and these electoral results will not make us retreat". Which is nice.

Anyway, there is much more in the original item, but that conveys the thrust of it.

And if that was not sufficiently cheering, what about this from John Kampfner?:

"But my straw poll suggests the numbers thinking of quitting Labour benches may be unprecedented. They know that something terrible is afoot: the collapse of centre-Left politics, not only in Britain but across Europe".

Can I get a witness?

Obsessive collectors of political trivia (guilty...) will recall the farce that was the Spycatcher farce of some years back. That does not concern us except obliquely, in that Wright claimed "For five years we bugged and burgled our way across London at the State's behest, while pompous bowler-hatted civil servants in Whitehall pretended to look the other way".

My old 'friend' Ségolène Royal seems to think that the Direction Centrale du Renseignement Intérieur or somesuch is playing a similar game:

"I note that last week, at the time that I said that it was necessary to put an end to the grip on France of the Sarkozy clan, my residence was ransacked...I make a connection between the two events...It is a funny coincidence and this is the second time, the first time being during the Presidential campaign".

She is quite given to erm, 'odd', pronouncements, as I have noted before:

""Unfortunately I also believe that there was - and perhaps it was sub-conscious - sexism in all of these attacks, and to see it so strongly - and even I am surprised by it - I think it is connected with racism". (Well she is an army brat, born in Dakar...)


Sarko's spokesbod says the accusation is 'absurd' and Fabius (who presumably thinks he is up for one more lunge at the brass ring) 'does not have the information necessary to make a judgement'.


Looks like our Gallic chums are lucky not to have got themselves such an individual as President...

George Mikes' observation seems to be believed by our various neighbours Outre Manche, judging from a survey for the Game of Love Observatory, or Observatoire du Jeu Amoureux. Looks to be a PR stunt for an internet dating firm, but enough pre-amble, to the amusing findings:

In which of these countries (UK, D, F, I, E) is love most important?:

We reckon Italy - 43%. And us? 14%. Pity the poor Germans: 2%. Our average score across five countries is 5%, and the lowest overall. France's average is 31% and Italy's 37%.

Mind you, the reputation of our womanhood (and chaps too) has been noted - 33% think the time between meeting and closing the deal, as it were, is shortest with Britons.

Elsewhere, Italy leads for Lotharios and Lothariettos, with the British, French and the ever modest Italians considering them the most seductive. The Spanish think they are the best, we give ourselves 22%, no one else goes above 3%.

Best dressed? 14% of Germans think they are, and a rather deluded (present company excepted) 16% of Britons think we are. They shoot horses, don't they?

Pity the land of Cervantes, Lorca, Velasquez etc - only 2% of Germans, Italians and Gauls judge them 'the most cultivated'. We give them 5%, they give themselves 16%. A modest 62% of Germans give themselves the laurels. We attract a solid 25% average share of voice.

Don't bother telling a joke in Milan or Valencia - the Italians and Spanish do not think we are funny. They think they are. However, you have a one in four chance of bringing the house down in Germany or France. Pity the Germans and the French - take away folk voting for themselves and they fail to secure a double figure share of voice anywhere. We are the most likely to be creasing up at Teutonic humour after the Germans - 2% of us think they have best humour. I suspect that those responding thus were having some fun with the questionaire....

At least for French women, courtesy of a survey commissioned by Elle (1).

"What do you think of your wife's / partner's figure?"

Fine just the way it is - 69%
Too round - 12%
Too skinny - 2%

Single (as a result of saying too round in the last survey?) - 17%

Other findings - the retired are the most likely to prefer the fuller figure, and the unemployed thin women. Chaps from the North East, North West and South West prefer bigger women, while South Easterners and Parisians prefer thinner women. Bar Paris (37/62), the figures are fairly even 55/45 one way or the other. Overall, women should make haste to the SW (82%) and find a pensioner (81%), as he is the most likely to take you just the way you are.

Sticking with French women, Ségolène Royal has been accused of 'behaving like a little girl in the playground' and 'lacking all dignity'. And for why? Because she said Sarko had had nothing to do with freeing Isabel Betancourt. She averred this while in Quebec City, thus violating the principle of never bad mouthing the Pres while outside France.


1) Way back lost in the mists of time I used to work in advertising, and as God is my witness, the Manchester sales team for Elle used to pronounce it 'Elly'. Yes, really.

It is almost axiomatic that every man in this country has to have an opinion on football, at the risk of having his masculinity called into question. The French, however, seem to go that little bit further - everyone has to have an opinion on football.

And so, L'Equipe, the French sports paper has polled the citizenry - all of them, or at least those above the age of 18, I suppose - as to their thoughts on the management of the national side. Before diving into the results, pause to mull on some of the Gauls you might know. Do they have strong, or even informed, opinions on football? I can think of a few that I would not trust to define the offside rule while standing on one leg....

Anyway, 52% want the manager to be given the Spanish Archer, 41% want him to stay, and a profoundly non-credible mere 8% have no opinion.

and

Avoid St Denis in the département of Seine-Saint-Denis, or in lay terms north east Paris outside the Périphérique, as it has - by far - the highest level of violent crimes per thousand inhabitants, at 31.27 per 1000.

Other places with around double or more the national average (5.93) of violent crime levels are Nice, Marseilles, Nîmes (!), and a slew of places in the Paris banlieues. All the detail here.

However, the place to leave your door unlocked (ish...) is Marly Le Roi in Yvelines, at 1.45. Looks like a nice place too and is twinned with Marlow. The town, and not the detective nor the dead man in Deptford.

Yup, he has come out for the 'keep voting until you get it 'right'' approach to EU affairs. I am well aware that Sarko is far from being a eurosceptic, but it is shameful nonetheless.

Funny how countries which get it 'right' first time are never offered a chance to reconsider. As ever, the EU is a government, not of laws, but of men.

Meanwhile, here is an AP photo from the EU parliament I am borrowing, found at Belgian daily Le Soir:


I believe the chap having technical difficulties is Dutch MEP Bastian Belder

Two years on and not only is she not in the Élysée, she fails to make the top 100, even when only the 50-60 age group is polled. To add insult to injury, there do not appear to be any left wing politicians in the list, but the lovely Mme Bruni-Sarkozy makes 15th, Rame Yade 25th and Rachida Dati 35th. I do not think that La Royal has fallen off a cliff, looks-wise, in 24 months but who am I to dispute the verdict of the people?

Anyway, more here.

Anyway, top of the list is Nicholas Hulot, a sort of French David Attenborough only with a little more bite. He is followed by Simone Veil, who continues to amaze me by not being dead yet. She was behind the legalisation of abortion and freeing up the availability of contraception. So far so not too silly, but number three with a bullet is Johnny Hallyday. Yes, really. The top five is rounded out by Sarko and Chirac. The foreign minister / founder of MSF Bernard Kouchner, Bernie Chirac (Why? What has she done, ever, apart from being married to the former pres?), footballer Platini, Ségolène Royal and football coach Aimé Jacquet. Charles Aznavour makes 11th, Bardot 14th and Belmondo 28th. The still divine Catherine Deneuve is edged out by that old fraud Foucault for 43rd.

Hulot takes the spoils for the 50-59 sub group, Hallyday for 60-69, Chirac for 70-79, and Simone Veil for the 80+.

Not here, obviously.

However, Ségolène Royal has cast her eye over the doleful (pun very much intended) effects of La Loi Aubry, the idiotic 35 hour maximum working week brought in on Martine 'Jacques Delors is my pa' Aubry's watch:

"One knows full well that the second 35 hour week law has often been brutal, and has led to major problems in hospitals and certain other enterprises, where low paid workers in particular have seen their working conditions worsen, because the 35 hours [law] has been badly applied".

Mind you, she is still accusing the French right of 'scapegoating' the 35 hours law. That Sarko has not done the right, as well as compassionate thing and scrapped this law brings to mind Thatcher's famous comment about pendulums and ratchets.

For what it is worth, I have had the challenge of explaining what would happen as a result of this law to more than one monoglot Gaul at the low paid end of the medical business.

In quite possibly the least credible survey so far this month, French researchers have revealed that the average Frenchwoman has just nine pairs of shoes (1). Scarcely less believable is the claim of six pairs for French men. I have been testing a shoe theory for 12 years or more, which is that the average woman has a double figure tally of footwear, whereas chaps (bar trainer nutters) will struggle to reach double figures even if they include wellies, last summer's espadrilles and that pair of decaying football boots in the attic. In all the years of asking the question, only one woman has failed to reach double figures, and she was a white woman with dreadlocks and therefore not exactly Ms Average.

Judging from other results, the mean, mode and median of shoe ownership must be quite different:

"4 out of 10 women stop to look in window displays / can't resist going into a show shop". The 2/10 men who feel the same way have Dorothy on speed dial.....

And a third of women with 20+ pairs of shoes think that to have such a number of pairs is "reasonable". The wealthy and Parisiennes were statistically the most likely to think this.

Anyway, I'm eager for Trixy's take on this.


(1) Note that the results were not audited, and anyone who knows a woman with a fondness with footwear knows full well that boots, espadrilles, sandals etc do not count as shoes.

"This morning [housing minister] Christine Boutin will unveil the outline of a decree bringing in 'progressive rent payments' for renters of social housing on average or above average income". Source.

While one would expect the Left to whine about this - because that is what they like to do - it can be rebutted that this is just another form of redistribution, and generally they like that sort of thing.

This is not a solution looking for a problem, with tales of the wealthy in social housing a mainstay scandal of the French press.

At least judging by last weekend's viewing figures, with the Turkish GP attracting more viewers than an interview with my old mate Olivier Besancenot.

So far, so very so what. However, Besancenot has attracted the highest audience share for a politician so far this year, outdoing Ségolène Royal, Rachida Dati (the French equivalent of Jack Straw, if a great deal easier on the eye) and Simone Veil - still alive, amazingly enough. The interviewer is more of a Wogan / Jonathan Ross type than an Andrew Marr, from what I can divine.

However, the Trot postie has a long way to go before toppling Bernie Chirac as the most watched pol. She reaped a 27% share to his 20%. I was about to note that one would be hard pressed to find anything interesting to say about her, but apparently Mlle Chodron de Courcel's father was an Etonian, if my source is to believed. Can't say I am wholly convinced, actually.

Further digging has turned up this photograph at the Élysée's site, which I think deserves a fresh audience:

And who is the sprightly octogenarian who thinks he is just the man to be the first president of the EU? Say hello, again, to Valery Giscard (1). He has not been so vulgar as to explicitly throw his chapeau into the ring, but he has made sure that his interviewer at Belgian daily Le Soir knew just what he meant. And he draws a parallel that sucks the airs from the lungs:

"a man or woman of experience who would serve for just one 2 1/2 year term, who would set up the system, fix ( le mot juste, eh? C) the rules, set the atmosphere, much in the fashion of George Washington in his first term".

In the 26 years since he was defeated by the grotesque Mitterand, he does not seem to have done much beyond feeling pleased with himself and 'traveling the world giving speeches on European union'. Timothy 'where did my career go after 'Ordinary People'?' is married to his niece.


(1) I am not including his particule (d'estaing) as his grandfather bought the title in '22.