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The Hansard Trawl, featuring disloyal Indians, a German stud and one in the eye for Belgium

Question o' the day:

"Daniel Kawczynski: To ask the Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs pursuant to the answer of 15 December 2008, Official Report, column 324W, on horses: artificial insemination, how many semen straws from the Hanoverian stallion Weltmeyer, reference 31-44035-84, have been imported into the UK since January 1989".

Weltmeyer appears to specialise in dressage.

And came the answer: Jim Fitzpatrick: This information can be provided only at disproportionate cost.

Had it been otherwise, I suspect that Fitzpatrick could look forward to a lifetime of people not wanting to shake his hand.

Government in 'leaving things well alone' shocker:

Mark Pritchard: To ask the Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs if he will bring forward legislation to prohibit the keeping of primates as pets.

Jim Fitzpatrick: The Government have no plans to introduce legislation to prohibit the keeping of primates as pets because we are not aware of any evidence to suggest that there is a widespread problem to warrant such action.

Well knock me down with the proverbial.

Fitzpatrick is getting all the corkers today:

Mr. Stewart Jackson: To ask the Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs whether his Department has issued guidance to local authorities on controlling weeds.

Jim Fitzpatrick: DEFRA has policy responsibility for the five injurious weeds covered by the Weeds Act 1959 (Common Ragwort, Creeping or Field Thistle and Spear Thistle and Curled and Broad Leaved Dock) and also for invasive species, such as Japanese knotweed and water primrose.

I have long opined that the only difference between a flower and a weed is PR.

The woman mountain that is Sian James bowls a googly:

Mrs. James: To ask the Secretary of State for Wales what assessment he has made of the likely effect of proposals contained in the Building Britain’s Future document on the level of criminal activity in Wales

Bet that sent the minister into a cold sweat. However, he recovered his composure sufficiently to answer thus:

Mr. David: Building Britain’s Future, our strategic plan to build a more prosperous, stronger and fairer country contains enforceable entitlements that will help to reduce the level of criminal activity in Wales. (blah)
What, it won't give us all shiny coats and wet noses? Unlike oral questions, there are not too many Whips' pet questions in the written answers sections, so I trust James will slide back to obscurity, if there is enough room. (/ungllant comments)

And which country has the most disloyal citizenry?

Colin Burgon: To ask the Secretary of State for the Home Department how many non-UK born people have been given British citizenship in each of the last three years; and from which countries such people originated.

In Europe, loosely defined (Turkey is NOT Europe), it was Turks (4,640), Serbs (1,865) and Russians (1,380) queuing up to implore God to save the Queen last year. Excluding microstates, Slovenes (5) were the least enthusiastic about becoming Britons. From the Americas it was Jamaicans (2,2715) and Yanks (2,205), Somalis (7,165 - and who can blame them) from Africa. However, the overall leaders are Indians, with 11,825 turning their backs on their Bharat homes.

Men and women behaving badly:

Chris Huhne:...how many (a) men and (b) women have been (i) proceeded against, (ii) found guilty of and (iii) sentenced to immediate custody for a drink-driving offence in each year since 1997.
And the mumber of proceedings against men has fallen by some 17% over 10 years, while women are 35% more proceeded against. By my calculations, women will overtake men by the mid 2030s.

Was he worried about Tom Watson?:

Lembit Öpik: To ask the Minister for the Cabinet Office how many deaths resulting from an eating disorder were recorded in (a) 2004, (b) 2005, (c) 2006, (d) 2007 and (e) 2008; and if she will make a statement.

Current Cabinet Office types are quite svelte.

An interesting question here
:

Tony Baldry: To ask the Secretary of State for International Development which states he considers to be fragile.
Not that he got much of an answer, but the minister did resist the temptation to say 'China' (rimshot) :

Mr. Michael Foster: The Department for International Development (DFID) is committed to increasing its efforts in fragile states, and so a list is needed to monitor our progress. DFID’s current list combines a mix of the World Bank’s Country Policy and Institutional Assessment (CPIA) index and the Fund for Peace’s Failed States Index (FSI). We will update the list every two years with the next update due in October this year.

The FSI has Somalia top of the table, edging out Zim at 114.7 to 114.0. The DPRK is 17th at 98.3. We are 161st at 33.7, behind the Western European big four, but ahead of Belgium. Norway wins at 18.3.

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Blogger JuliaM said... 4:55 pm

"Weltmeyer appears to specialise in dressage."

Among other things...  



Blogger JuliaM said... 4:57 pm

"I have long opined that the only difference between a flower and a weed is PR."

Or placement.  



Blogger Croydonian said... 5:18 pm

Re 1 - I guess it proves that one does not have to specialise in butch activities to be a great swordsman...

2 - A good gloss, I'll add that to the quip's next outing.  



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