The Croydonian

"NATO proposes joint Black Sea naval drills with Russia".

Here, as an aide memoire is a map of the Black Sea:

And to illustrate matters further, NATO membership in the area:


That the Black Sea is black in the graphic is serendipitous rather than a deliberate joke.

So, Turkey, Greece, Romania and Bulgaria are in NATO, Ukraine and Jawjuh want in while the Rodina herself and Armenia (who knows who its friends are) do not want to join the club. That covers the entire littoral of the Black Sea. While the reach of the US 6th Fleet is such it could flatten pretty well everything within a range of a few thousand miles of the dead centre of the Black Sea, even some of the less capable navies in NATO should not be too stretched if they sought to bombard landlocked Moldova, all of about 20 miles from the coast.

So, Moldova Beethoven and tell Tchaikovsky the news... (Sorry)

(The article actually refers to mine clearing, but having decided I fancied doing the post I pressed ahead disregarding that minor mouche in the unguent).

I ask because French Sunday Journal du Dimanche was good enough to commission a survey on public attitudes to pompiers, militaires, gendarmes and policiers. Sadly, there is no data on attitudes to l'art pompier, hélas.... However, there are plenty of nuggets in the findings including the relatively high level of antipathy to the four groups above from the liberal professions. Note, 'The policing of the countryside, rivers and coastal areas, and small towns with populations under 10,000 (outside of the jurisdiction of the French National Police). About half the French population is under the direct jurisdiction of the Gendarmerie'. Source

Despite, or perhaps because of their storied drinking exploits, near as damn it everyone has a good opinion of pompiers, with only a 1% 'mainly bad' for women, 34-49s, liberal professions, manual workers, Greens, Parisians and Bayrou voters. Maybe there is one embittered middle aged Bayrou fan architect lurking in St Germain....

The military do not get quite such a vote of confidence, with 24% of those liberal professionals answering 'mainly bad'. Same figure for Greens, with 26% for Communists. So much for a Soviet of workers, peasants and soldiers... Sarko's 2007 voters top the scale at 95% positive. Perhaps the 10% of unenthusiastic Le Pen suporters are still hacked off about the De Gaulle Algeria move.

As to the Gendarmes, a surprising two-thirds of the extreme left are keen, with a third anti. And 83% of Communist voters. I am NOT making this up. Elsewhere, there are a peevish 20% of lawyers / civil servants etc. Given that the young are most likely to brush up against the plod, note that only 19% of 18-24s are anti. Looks like there will be no repeat of May '68 any time soon.

The police need to start winning hearts and minds, as the headline 'mainly favourable' figure is 81%, but 76% for men. 37% of 18-24s are unfavourable as are 46% of Trots (extreme left here) and 22% of Communists. Socio-demographically it is those lawyers, doctors etc who most dislike being stopped for drink driving - 29%.

Elsewhere, 61% regret the end of conscription, split between 41% of under 35s and 69% of over 35s. The 28% of 18-24s who regret it presumably are all gazing lovingly at St Cyr. Astonishingly, 46% of Trots and 63% of Communists regret it ending, and 23% of Le Pen's lot are glad it has gone.

Strange lot, sometimes, our neighbours.

As to what the force de frappe etc should be applied against, 66% see international terrorism as the key enemy, with 45% opting for 'Islamism', 32% nuclear proliferation states and 28% China. Uncle Sam will be pleased that he has dropped 16 points from the 31% in 2002 seeing him as principal adversary to 'just' 14%. We do not get a look in, as we are not named, and there is 1% for 'others'. Professionals and manual labourers are most likely to fear the 101st Airborne

From Hansard:

"To ask the Secretary of State for Defence what percentage of (a) CRVT, (b) Saxon, (c) Warrior and (d) Challenger vehicles are (i) in service, (ii) fit for purpose and (iii) out of service"

CRVT stands for Combat Vehicle Reconnaissance (Tracked), and would seem to involve variants on what was the Scorpion design (chaps of my vintage will remember it well). Anyway, it looks to me as though any commander in charge of one of these things could do with RAC membership, or somesuch, as out of just shy of 1200, only 58% are 'Fit for purpose (currently available)', with this caveat worth noting, 'includes vehicles awaiting minor repairs and those currently in transit to operational theatres'.

The Heptarchs would be pleased that the Saxon is a tad more reliable - 97% are ready to roll. 74% of Warriors are likewise raring to go, as are 95% of Challengers.

It used to be said that much of the Soviet Union's tank force was out of commission due to thirsty soldiers having drunk the anti-freeze, so I do hope that the Naafi is keeping our squaddies lubricated.

As in European Union Ship.

"This time, Sarkozy...told the Germans about his plans to propose the creation of a European naval unit during France's presidency of the Council of the European Union, which begins on July 1. Under Sarkozy's plan, the German Navy is supposed to contribute frigates and logistics units to an aircraft carrier battle group which will sail under a European flag. The aircraft carrier itself will, according to the plan, be supplied by the United Kingdom, however, as France's prestige aircraft carrier, the Charles de Gaulle, is frequently out of service for repairs". From Der Spiegel.

Ahem: "The Royal Navy of England hath ever been its greatest defence and ornament; its ancient and natural strength; the floating bulwark of the island". Blackstone's commentaries.

And while I am at it, some Nelson:

"There is no way of dealing with the Frenchman but to knock him down - to be civil to them is to be laughed at. Why they are enemies!" 11 Jan 1798 after surrender of Capua.

"Firstly you must always implicitly obey orders, without attempting to form any opinion of your own regarding their propriety. Secondly, you must consider every man your enemy who speaks ill of your king; and thirdly you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil".
- to a midshipman in 1793 aboard the Agamemnon.

"To obey orders is all perfection. To serve my King and destroy the French, I consider as the great order of all, from which little ones spring; and if one of these militate against it (for who can tell exactly at a distance), I go back and obey the great order and object, to down - down with the damned French villains! My blood boils at the name of a Frenchman! Down, down with the French! … is my constant prayer".


Any readers with a record with the Senior Service have carte blanche (sorry...) to blow a gasket or two in the comments.

Compare the following:

The Indian Defence minister's thoughts: "Our (India) defence budget is just 1.99 per cent of the GDP, which is one of the lowest in the world. The ideal situation would be 3 per cent of GDP, which is the global average"

And from the other side of the Indus: "Prime Minister Syed Yousuf Raza Gilani told the National Assembly on Monday his government would freeze — and practically reduce — defence spendings in the next budget as a show of its desire for peace with neighbours, and voiced a belated hope of reciprocity from nuclear rival India, which hiked is defence budget three months ago".

Can't say I fancy Pakistan's chances, frankly.

Anyone who has read a half-way serious newspaper etc in the last few days will be well aware of the treaty on cluster bombs etc, and that the US, China and sundry other military heavy hitters have not signed it. After a couple of days of fruitless digging, I have laid hands on the list of those entities that have signed it.

And lo, and indeed, behold, by my reckoning only nine of the 25 biggest military spenders have signed on the line, and 118 out of 221 or so entities that either have full sovereignty or are self-governing to some degree. This includes British and French territories like the Falklands and St Pierre & Miquelon.

So, here are some of the military super powers that have signed up.

• Vanuatu - "Vanuatu's military consist of a small, mobile, corps of 300 volunteers". Source.

Not all of the world's microstates felt the need to sign up, with Andorra, Monaco and a plethora of West Indian islands not bothering. I do wonder whether Niue and the like were contacted via some sort of Facebook system for states and neo-states, and just could not resist the temptation to join the 'cluster bombs are nasty' group.

As a point to note, by the time one gets to the 71st biggest military spender, that is about 1% of the UK's outlay and 78 of the 118 signatories spend that one per cent or less.

(My headline refers to the All Your Base craze of 2000 /2001. More here.).



As an addendum, here is a map of the Middle East - the world's dodgiest neighbourhood? - with signatories shown in black, these being Jordan, Lebanon, Kuwait, Qatar, Kyrgyzstan and Tajikistan. Bahrain has signed up too, but is too small to show clearly

..., or rather just under 26 years ago, the Swedes complained about Soviet submarines dodging around in Stockholm harbour and generally violating territorial waters, Sweden's neutrality (1) etc etc. Being interested in this sort of thing, I remember the original spat, which caused a degree of hilarity in these parts.

Anyway, a tape of submarine-like sounds was Olof Palme's exhibit A when complaining to the USSR, but "the Swedish Defence Research Agency (FOI) has now been able to determine that the sound in all likelihood originated from the passing charter boat Amalia".

Whoops. Carl Bildt, former PM, member of the '80s submarine commission (it's ok, they had aqualungs) and current foreign minister has tried to remove the egg clinging to his face by downplaying the FOI findings.

I would think that if this had happened in these parts such finding would never have been made public. Were I Bildt, I would have kept schtumm, or if absolutely necessary, pointed out that I was a mere boy of 33 at the time.


(1) As I believe I have noted before, at the height of the cold war a senior Swedish figure noted that while on paper Sweden might be neutral, they knew which side they were on. The USSR complained, NATO did not.

I can't imagine that this would be much less one-sided than the Anglo-Zanzibar war of 1896. We won, by the way. It lasted 38 minutes and we made the defeated foe pay for the munitions used by the Royal Navy.

Iran leads, with 45% thinking it could be a military threat to this Scepter'd Isle in future, followed by 35% who are scared of Iraq. Erm, not any time this century I think. Pakistan edges it for the 'stans at 32% to 31% for Afghanistan, and Putin clearly is not trying any more - just 31% go to sleep at night fearful of the Red Wheel. China manages 29% (ssshh, don't mention that there are Tibetan exiles here). The brain dead left makes an appearance with the 14% who think that the 101st Airborne is coming our way soon.

An intriguing 7% reckon it is some other nation we should be fearing. France maybe? I admire the bravado of the 8% judging no country will be a future military threat.

The Spanish present some odd figures, with 22% naming 'other' - us, perhaps? Or Morocco? Then again, 23% do not anticipate any threat at all...

More later, perhaps.

Brace yourselves:

"Mayor of London, Ken Livingstone, today announced that he will establish an annual Veterans Day event in London. The first event will take place in Trafalgar Square on Friday 27 June 2008...My aim is that on Veterans' Day every year London pays tribute to all our veterans, the sacrifices they have made and our gratitude to those who have served our country in the Forces or in the Merchant Navy and Fishing Fleets".

Is this the same Ken Livingstone who used to consort with people who thought killing British soldiers on active service was just fine? Yes, I believe it is.

There are countless odd ways that the state spends our money, and doubtless there is something to offend everyone. I have found something quite remarkable, which the DTI' Department for Business, Enterprise and Regulatory Reform' is doing on our behalf: it is paying, along with our Norwegian friends, to clear up someone else's mess. In this case an outmoded November-class submarine (hence the headline) once employed by the Krasny Flot:

"The UK and Norway will share the £3.9 million cost to dismantle the decommissioned November Class submarine No291, which will be de-fuelled and then towed to Nerpa Shipyard for dismantling. Once dismantled to a single compartment unit (containing the de-fuelled reactor) the submarine will be transferred to Saida Bay for land-based interim storage. Project management and technical advice for the UK Government will be provided by NUKEM Ltd (yes, it is called that. But one word, not two)".

And this is not the first time - "Through the Global Threat Reduction Programme, the UK has successfully dismantled three nuclear powered submarines: two Oscars (Zvezdochka Shipyard) and a Victor (Nerpa Shipyward) including documentation and infrastructure work at both shipyards. This is the fourth submarine dismantling project the UK has undertaken".

Isn't that kind of us? While the Russian Federation does not rejoice in a Swiss-level of income per head at present, and it might well be little more than Burkina Faso with gas, there is an awful lot of gas over yonder. Presumably Putin has decided that he does not like the polluter pays principle, and has been making menacing noises about scuttling the nuclear powered submarine somewhere between Arkhangelsk and the Shetlands, and therefore has convinced Muggins and Møggins that we should pony up for the privilege of that not happening. Sounds like blackmail to me.

The Russians having established this way of doing business, the scope for shaking down the more gullible governments is endless.

There would appear to be the makings of a spat between London and Riga, as Interior Minister (from here on out, that's what I'm calling Jacqui Smith) Mareks Seglins has said 'They are pigs, those British. A piggy nation'.

And for why? Because several of my fellow countrymen have decided to use the Latvian national monument as a pissoir. I can't say I approve. And given that it appears to be guarded by what I suppose are mobile riflemen, even if they look remarkably immobile.

I suppose the equivalent would be the Cenotaph. Mind you, when someone attempted to imitate art by setting fire to a wreath at the Cenotaph I seem to recall no charges were pressed.

Suppose one was an MP, and one had the possibility to ask parliamentary questions. That would give ample scope for finding wrongs that needed to be righted, praising good deeds etc etc etc.

Willie Rennie, LD MP for Dunfermline (and the all important West Fife) seems to think he has hit the motherlode - the most shocking wrong, a crime that cries out to Heaven for vengeance - that the army discriminates against asthmatics. No, I am not making this up:

"To ask the Secretary of State for Defence if he will review the medical criteria for acceptance into the armed forces of people with asthma; if he will take steps to ensure that people with asthma are not automatically rejected upon application to the armed forces".

Responding for the government, Derek Twigg notes, "It is essential that all recruits to the armed forces are operationally effective, and the medical tests that they undergo on recruitment are designed to ensure this".

Well yes. I do not doubt that the Taliban would not be unduly intimidated by being wheezed at by the Green Howards.

From Lords Hansard:

Lord Jopling asked Her Majesty's Government:

If all the flyboys are doing is identifying, could this not be left to someone with a pair of binoculars? Back on planet reality, perhaps the Baroness (in actual fact the lantern-jawed Ann Taylor) could use less absurdly euphemistic language.