<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar/14058325?origin\x3dhttp://croydonian.blogspot.com', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>

H.M.S Illustrious

Monday, May 11, 2009
Here she is, at anchor in Greenwich:


And why the outbreak of aircraft carriers? Well, Ian of Ianvisits, being a splendid fellow, invited me to go along for a tour of the carrier on Saturday, so that prospect was enough to drag me away from my Croydon eyrie for a few hours.

While Illustrious is only a baby aircraft carrier (choppers and six Harriers maximum), it does look awfully big moored in the Thames, and opportunities to sea what our jolly jack tars are up to are fairly limited. As it stood, Ian got on the guest list via a bit of moaning on his blog, so top marks to the RN for monitoring the internet. From what I could see of the various guest lists, most of the folk wandering around the ship were worthies of some description, old sea dogs or Cubs. I am still a bit taken aback that are girls in the latter, but then again I'm old and have antediluvian attitudes on some things. Maybe they let boys join the Brownies. In further evidence that things have changed, one of said small people had a badge marked 'Edam'. If they had out badges for eating cheese, then the long awaited Apocalypse really is upon us.

Anyway, we drew the short straw and were guided around by someone without much skill in maintaining visitor interest - he spent a couple of minutes talking about a fire hose. Yes, really. I had been hoping the Trinidadian lady (T 'n' T was on her name badge) was going to walk us round as she had one of the voices you would happily listen to intoning the phone book. Hey ho...


Once inside the beast, one of my first thoughts was that it reminded me a bit of the car deck of a channel ferry, if on a somewhat more dramatic level. The rake on the stairs presumably acts as a live indicator of the spryness of the ratings and so forth, as some of the less agile members of our group could only negotiate them with much huffing and puffing. The radar room was notable for the utterly crappy seating for the radar bods. Imagine something in a really decrepit mini cab base station and you will be on the right track. The frequency of dymo and handwritten labels popping up hither and yon was a source of minor amusement.

The bridge had rather superior seating, courtesy of Rolls-Royce if the plaque affixed to the captain's chair is to be believed. As Ian has noted, the steering wheel, so to speak, was a rather comical looking thing - about the size of something on a child's pedal car, but presumably it does the job.

Further back on the bridge, I noticed this outbreak of Latin:


'Everything's in your hands' is my best guess but having been denied a classical education, I await a correction.

Further gratuitous carrier and helicopter shots:





All in all a thoroughly entertaining afternoon's diversion, and notable also for the novel view the ship afforded of the river and Greenwich:



With all that fire power, surely the boys and girls in dark blue must have been tempted to put the Dome out of our misery?


Labels: ,

Where Sandhurst gets it wrong

Monday, November 17, 2008
Compared to how things are done in the 'Democratic People's Republic' of Korea:

"It is one of the important affairs for increasing the combat capability of the units to conduct dynamic cultural and art activities among servicepersons, [Kim Jong Il] said, setting forth tasks to be fulfilled by all units of the KPA including companies to intensify art activities".

Mind you, there was that video of sundry squaddies 'doing' Amarillo a while back.

Labels: ,

Thirty three missing warheads?

Wednesday, October 15, 2008
From Hansard:

Mr. Hancock: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence pursuant to the answer of 29 September 2008...on Trident missiles, how many Trident warheads are either operationally available or undergoing maintenance.

Mr. Hutton: The UK has fewer than 160 operationally available Trident warheads. I am withholding further information as its release would, or would be likely to, prejudice national security.

If that is meant to be re-assuring, I am not re-assured, as the working number should be in the region of 192:

"Each submarine [there are four] carries 16 Trident D-5 missiles, which can each carry up to twelve warheads. However, the UK government announced in 1998 that each submarine would carry only 48 warheads".

I do not think it likely that there are warheads marooned in lost property or lapping the Circle Line, but Hutton's answer is an odd one, as I would expect the working figure to be in the region of 144, as one submarine is always being maintained while two are tooling around in harbour etc, leaving one to engage in a bit of silient running and generally keeping an eye on the bad guys du jour. So if 144 gives the game away, and 192 would not be credible, why 'less than 160'?

Labels: , ,

Mitterand in the dock

Monday, October 06, 2008
Sadly it is not Le Sphinx who is suffering the posthumous fate of Oliver Cromwell, but rather Mitterand jr, who is up before the French beaks"accused of acting as go-betweens for illegal arms deliveries from Eastern Europe [to Angola]". Source


Still, one must take revenge where one finds it.

Labels: , ,

"Git thar fustest with the mostest".

Thursday, October 02, 2008
The now time-honoured way of winning battles, even if the quote is up there with 'elementary' etc and 'you dirty rat', 'beam me up Scotty' etc as a quote not made by the alleged author.

Anyway, our friends at Unite do not seem to agree on the 'mostest' bit, judging from this press release:

"At a fringe event on the defence industry at the Conservative party conference, Dr Liam Fox stated, that a defence industrial base in the UK shouldn't lead the UK's procurement policy. Bernie Hamilton, Unite's national officer for defence and aerospace said, "The Conservatives are threatening thousands of skilled jobs in the UK with their views and potential policy decisions. An enormous amount of work has been done to maintain Britain's leading edge in the defence industry. This has created valuable, high skilled British jobs. It's astonishing that during a credit crunch the Tories are devising policies that would actually cost British jobs."

Quite possibly, but I do not think that military procurement should be based on what it does for the defence industry establishment, as opposed to fulfilling the needs of the military. Feel free to add names of noted military clunkers that the MoD - or rather we - have forked out for, but the Tornado will do for now.

Who knows, there might even be some bargain chairs to be had at Ik*a.

Labels: ,

And to think our defence ministers are a shower ...

Wednesday, September 24, 2008
"Dutch defence minister Eimert van Middelkoop says he is "very happy" he found a legal way to dodge his military service in the 1970s because he has difficulties in coping with authority". Source

It is pretty poor that no-one (to my knowledge) in the higher echelons of the current government has done military service, let alone active service - and no Secretary of State here has served with the colours since Tom King, and none with real moral authority since Gurkha rifles officer John Nott - but that Dutch fellow takes not merely the biscuit, but the packet, the shelf it was on and for all I know the factory where the things are churned out.

Labels: ,

Head scratcher o' the day

Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Imagine you are the head honcho of a country with significant oil reserves off shore, and you want to protect them, what with there being so much deep water oil wildcatting these days. Your military can already project force on a regional basis, what with having an aircraft carrier (1) and all.

So, what is the solution to this conundrum? Ask the French to help out with developing *a* nuclear submarine. What would one use said nuclear sub for - torpedoing oil rigs?

The country in question is Brazil, and for all that Lula is somewhat of the left he is a reasonably sensible and pragmatic character and unlikely to wish to destabilise the region.

I remain to be convinced that the Brazilians have not been taken in by the most almighty sucker bet by crafty French arms salesmen etc. I hope there is a cooling off period.


(1) Our French chums sold them that too.

Labels: , ,

Why the Irish Republic rejected Lisbon, pt II

Saturday, September 06, 2008
Fear of conscription. Yes, really:

"Alarm that Irish children could be conscripted into an EU army featured high on the list of reasons why people rejected the Lisbon Treaty, research commissioned by the Government has found".

Neither the Irish Times nor pollsters Millward Brown deign to give any detail, which is annoying.

A June Eurobarometer poll examined the Hibernian 'no' and included this:

6% - To safeguard Irish neutrality in security and defence matters

I cannot imagine that a Euro army would be a particularly agile beast, what with the dozens of languages spoken, and one that included universal (hello girls) conscription would be a behemoth. Based on back of an envelope calculations, a conscription force that served for 12 months would be about 5 million strong. Our Irish chums would make up circa 0.8% of the force.


Labels: , ,

What would William Rhodes-Moorhouse think?

Wednesday, September 03, 2008
He, as I have just discovered, is a Kiwi-linked VC holder and the first person to win a VC for courage in the air. More here.

Anyway, this is what has come to pass in New Zealand:

"The navy is finding it difficult to sail, the airforce to fly and the army would struggle to take part in combat, the 2007/2008 Defence Force annual report revealed today".

Labels: ,

Vox populi...

Tuesday, August 12, 2008
The readers of Flight International have been polled on the greatest aircraft, engines, people etc of the preceding century and the votes are in.

And, discerning and wise people that they are, they have voted this one number one military aircraft:
Had to be, didn't it? The remainder of the military top five is a bit less predictable, with the SR-71 Blackbird, C130 Hercules, P51 Mustang and F16 Falcon rounding things off. After that, the Sukhoi SU-27, the Messerschmitt 262, the F4 Phantom, B17 Flying Fortress and the Lancaster.

Other highlights include the Hurricane, the Mig 21, Mirage 2000, Mig 25 Foxbat, B2 Stealth bomber, Lockheed U2, Northrop F5 and the Mitsubishi Zero.

Off the top of my head, the poll seems to have got most of the standouts I would have included - if not in my order - apart from the omission of the Fokker Triplane and the ever lovely B52. I am shocked, shocked.

So here's a picture of the B.U.F.F:


Labels: ,

Panic in the street of Chişinău

Sunday, July 20, 2008
It might be an idea, judging from this:

"NATO proposes joint Black Sea naval drills with Russia".

Here, as an aide memoire is a map of the Black Sea:

And to illustrate matters further, NATO membership in the area:


That the Black Sea is black in the graphic is serendipitous rather than a deliberate joke.

So, Turkey, Greece, Romania and Bulgaria are in NATO, Ukraine and Jawjuh want in while the Rodina herself and Armenia (who knows who its friends are) do not want to join the club. That covers the entire littoral of the Black Sea. While the reach of the US 6th Fleet is such it could flatten pretty well everything within a range of a few thousand miles of the dead centre of the Black Sea, even some of the less capable navies in NATO should not be too stretched if they sought to bombard landlocked Moldova, all of about 20 miles from the coast.

So, Moldova Beethoven and tell Tchaikovsky the news... (Sorry)

(The article actually refers to mine clearing, but having decided I fancied doing the post I pressed ahead disregarding that minor mouche in the unguent).

Labels: ,

What is it with French lawyers and doctors?

Wednesday, July 16, 2008
I ask because French Sunday Journal du Dimanche was good enough to commission a survey on public attitudes to pompiers, militaires, gendarmes and policiers. Sadly, there is no data on attitudes to l'art pompier, hélas.... However, there are plenty of nuggets in the findings including the relatively high level of antipathy to the four groups above from the liberal professions. Note, 'The policing of the countryside, rivers and coastal areas, and small towns with populations under 10,000 (outside of the jurisdiction of the French National Police). About half the French population is under the direct jurisdiction of the Gendarmerie'. Source

Despite, or perhaps because of their storied drinking exploits, near as damn it everyone has a good opinion of pompiers, with only a 1% 'mainly bad' for women, 34-49s, liberal professions, manual workers, Greens, Parisians and Bayrou voters. Maybe there is one embittered middle aged Bayrou fan architect lurking in St Germain....

The military do not get quite such a vote of confidence, with 24% of those liberal professionals answering 'mainly bad'. Same figure for Greens, with 26% for Communists. So much for a Soviet of workers, peasants and soldiers... Sarko's 2007 voters top the scale at 95% positive. Perhaps the 10% of unenthusiastic Le Pen suporters are still hacked off about the De Gaulle Algeria move.

As to the Gendarmes, a surprising two-thirds of the extreme left are keen, with a third anti. And 83% of Communist voters. I am NOT making this up. Elsewhere, there are a peevish 20% of lawyers / civil servants etc. Given that the young are most likely to brush up against the plod, note that only 19% of 18-24s are anti. Looks like there will be no repeat of May '68 any time soon.

The police need to start winning hearts and minds, as the headline 'mainly favourable' figure is 81%, but 76% for men. 37% of 18-24s are unfavourable as are 46% of Trots (extreme left here) and 22% of Communists. Socio-demographically it is those lawyers, doctors etc who most dislike being stopped for drink driving - 29%.

Elsewhere, 61% regret the end of conscription, split between 41% of under 35s and 69% of over 35s. The 28% of 18-24s who regret it presumably are all gazing lovingly at St Cyr. Astonishingly, 46% of Trots and 63% of Communists regret it ending, and 23% of Le Pen's lot are glad it has gone.

Strange lot, sometimes, our neighbours.

As to what the force de frappe etc should be applied against, 66% see international terrorism as the key enemy, with 45% opting for 'Islamism', 32% nuclear proliferation states and 28% China. Uncle Sam will be pleased that he has dropped 16 points from the 31% in 2002 seeing him as principal adversary to 'just' 14%. We do not get a look in, as we are not named, and there is 1% for 'others'. Professionals and manual labourers are most likely to fear the 101st Airborne

Labels: , , ,

What about the warranties?

Monday, June 16, 2008
From Hansard:

"To ask the Secretary of State for Defence what percentage of (a) CRVT, (b) Saxon, (c) Warrior and (d) Challenger vehicles are (i) in service, (ii) fit for purpose and (iii) out of service"

CRVT stands for Combat Vehicle Reconnaissance (Tracked), and would seem to involve variants on what was the Scorpion design (chaps of my vintage will remember it well). Anyway, it looks to me as though any commander in charge of one of these things could do with RAC membership, or somesuch, as out of just shy of 1200, only 58% are 'Fit for purpose (currently available)', with this caveat worth noting, 'includes vehicles awaiting minor repairs and those currently in transit to operational theatres'.

The Heptarchs would be pleased that the Saxon is a tad more reliable - 97% are ready to roll. 74% of Warriors are likewise raring to go, as are 95% of Challengers.

It used to be said that much of the Soviet Union's tank force was out of commission due to thirsty soldiers having drunk the anti-freeze, so I do hope that the Naafi is keeping our squaddies lubricated.

Labels: , ,

The EUS, rather than HMS, Ark Royal?

Sunday, June 15, 2008
As in European Union Ship.

"This time, Sarkozy...told the Germans about his plans to propose the creation of a European naval unit during France's presidency of the Council of the European Union, which begins on July 1. Under Sarkozy's plan, the German Navy is supposed to contribute frigates and logistics units to an aircraft carrier battle group which will sail under a European flag. The aircraft carrier itself will, according to the plan, be supplied by the United Kingdom, however, as France's prestige aircraft carrier, the Charles de Gaulle, is frequently out of service for repairs". From Der Spiegel.

Ahem: "The Royal Navy of England hath ever been its greatest defence and ornament; its ancient and natural strength; the floating bulwark of the island". Blackstone's commentaries.

And while I am at it, some Nelson:

"There is no way of dealing with the Frenchman but to knock him down - to be civil to them is to be laughed at. Why they are enemies!" 11 Jan 1798 after surrender of Capua.

"Firstly you must always implicitly obey orders, without attempting to form any opinion of your own regarding their propriety. Secondly, you must consider every man your enemy who speaks ill of your king; and thirdly you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil".
- to a midshipman in 1793 aboard the Agamemnon.

"To obey orders is all perfection. To serve my King and destroy the French, I consider as the great order of all, from which little ones spring; and if one of these militate against it (for who can tell exactly at a distance), I go back and obey the great order and object, to down - down with the damned French villains! My blood boils at the name of a Frenchman! Down, down with the French! … is my constant prayer".


Any readers with a record with the Senior Service have carte blanche (sorry...) to blow a gasket or two in the comments.

Labels: ,

It takes two to tango...

Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Compare the following:

The Indian Defence minister's thoughts: "Our (India) defence budget is just 1.99 per cent of the GDP, which is one of the lowest in the world. The ideal situation would be 3 per cent of GDP, which is the global average"

And from the other side of the Indus: "Prime Minister Syed Yousuf Raza Gilani told the National Assembly on Monday his government would freeze — and practically reduce — defence spendings in the next budget as a show of its desire for peace with neighbours, and voiced a belated hope of reciprocity from nuclear rival India, which hiked is defence budget three months ago".

Can't say I fancy Pakistan's chances, frankly.

Labels: , ,

Headline o' the day

Wednesday, June 04, 2008
From the NATO press office:

"NATO Secretary General’s statement on the Deployment of Russian Railway Troops into Georgia".

Sounds odd, but we have several regiments of Guards.

(Now featuring a pun death match in the comments)

Labels: , ,

">"Someone set up us the bomb"

Friday, May 30, 2008
Anyone who has read a half-way serious newspaper etc in the last few days will be well aware of the treaty on cluster bombs etc, and that the US, China and sundry other military heavy hitters have not signed it. After a couple of days of fruitless digging, I have laid hands on the list of those entities that have signed it.

And lo, and indeed, behold, by my reckoning only nine of the 25 biggest military spenders have signed on the line, and 118 out of 221 or so entities that either have full sovereignty or are self-governing to some degree. This includes British and French territories like the Falklands and St Pierre & Miquelon.

So, here are some of the military super powers that have signed up.

  • The Vatican - no armed forces. It employs Swiss mercenaries. While cluster munitions do not have to be air dropped, that is the preferred delivery mechanism. His Holiness would find that St Peters does not provide much scope even for short take off and landing.
  • Niue - has a population of 1700 and "Having no military or the resources to maintain a global diplomatic network, New Zealand retains responsibility for the foreign affairs and defence of Niue". Source. New Zealand scrapped its air force a while back.
  • The Cook Islands - Much the same story as Niue, although there are about 19,000 cooks, and thus in dire danger of spoiling the broth.
  • Nauru - "Though Nauru has close ties with Australia, there is no known defence agreement between the two nations". Source Population does not reach five figures.
  • Liechtenstein - "Abolished their army in 1868 because it was deemed too costly. Army is only permitted in times of war, but this situation has never occurred. According to the CIA World Factbook, defense is the responsibility of Switzerland. However, official sources of both Switzerland and Liechtenstein do not provide any backing to this claim and no defense treaty is ever mentioned". Source
  • Palau - "Defence is the responsibility of the United States". Source.
  • Marshall Islands - ditto
  • San Marino - total military expenditure $700,000 in 2000/1. It does have a crossbow corps though. Source.
  • Vanuatu - "Vanuatu's military consist of a small, mobile, corps of 300 volunteers". Source.

Not all of the world's microstates felt the need to sign up, with Andorra, Monaco and a plethora of West Indian islands not bothering. I do wonder whether Niue and the like were contacted via some sort of Facebook system for states and neo-states, and just could not resist the temptation to join the 'cluster bombs are nasty' group.

As a point to note, by the time one gets to the 71st biggest military spender, that is about 1% of the UK's outlay and 78 of the 118 signatories spend that one per cent or less.

(My headline refers to the All Your Base craze of 2000 /2001. More here.).



As an addendum, here is a map of the Middle East - the world's dodgiest neighbourhood? - with signatories shown in black, these being Jordan, Lebanon, Kuwait, Qatar, Kyrgyzstan and Tajikistan. Bahrain has signed up too, but is too small to show clearly


Labels:

Way back lost in the mists of time...

Wednesday, May 21, 2008
..., or rather just under 26 years ago, the Swedes complained about Soviet submarines dodging around in Stockholm harbour and generally violating territorial waters, Sweden's neutrality (1) etc etc. Being interested in this sort of thing, I remember the original spat, which caused a degree of hilarity in these parts.

Anyway, a tape of submarine-like sounds was Olof Palme's exhibit A when complaining to the USSR, but "the Swedish Defence Research Agency (FOI) has now been able to determine that the sound in all likelihood originated from the passing charter boat Amalia".

Whoops. Carl Bildt, former PM, member of the '80s submarine commission (it's ok, they had aqualungs) and current foreign minister has tried to remove the egg clinging to his face by downplaying the FOI findings.

I would think that if this had happened in these parts such finding would never have been made public. Were I Bildt, I would have kept schtumm, or if absolutely necessary, pointed out that I was a mere boy of 33 at the time.


(1) As I believe I have noted before, at the height of the cold war a senior Swedish figure noted that while on paper Sweden might be neutral, they knew which side they were on. The USSR complained, NATO did not.

Labels: ,

Steer clear of that midnight train to Georgia

Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Because "Georgia is close to an outbreak of hostilities with Russia, but Tbilisi has only itself to blame for the current state of affairs, the Russian envoy to NATO said on Tuesday".

I can't imagine that this would be much less one-sided than the Anglo-Zanzibar war of 1896. We won, by the way. It lasted 38 minutes and we made the defeated foe pay for the munitions used by the Royal Navy.

Labels: ,

A great voice for print journalism

Friday, April 04, 2008
Here is a vid from Novosti, on an airborne training exercise near Pskov. No embedding possible, alas


http://en.rian.ru/video/20080403/102907417.html


Dizz reckons the voice is computer generated, and he may well be right, but it made me snigger and prevented me from taking the content seriously.

Labels: ,