Chiswickite - formerly The Croydonian

People. Honestly.

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

From those nice folk at The Globe & Mail:

"Exactly 100 years after the world's most famous maritime disaster, a cruise ship is to recreate the fateful voyage of the Titanic, complete with dinners and dancing from the era. The Titanic Memorial Cruise will depart from Southampton, England, on April 8, 2012 and head for the exact spot where the ship sank on April 12, 1912, between 11:40 p.m. and 2:20 a.m. the next day....Replica menus of food on the 1912 voyage will be served and there will be a fancy dress dinner and numerous lectures on the history of the famous ship".

No indication has been given as to how authentic the trip will be once it reaches Sea Zero, so to speak, possibly because of insurance issues.

The relative dimensions of the Balmoral and the Titanic are quite some way apart.

Labels: matters nautical, travel

posted by Croydonian

The 1909 Hansard Trawl - featuring jam, creosote, lightbulbs and horse races

Monday, September 14, 2009

The ingratitude of the Bengalis:

Mr. REES asked whether the European and Anglo-Indian Defence Association had complained to the Bengal Government of the effect of the boycott movement in Bengal; whether many warehouses in Calcutta were crowded with fabrics from England which could not be sold owing to the intimidation practised by the boy-cotters; and whether the Bengal Government was taking any, and, if so, what, action to provide conditions of fair trade for British goods.

The UNDER-SECRETARY of STATE for INDIA (The Master of Elibank) A letter from the Association to the effect stated appeared in the newspapers last month. The Secretary of State has no official information as to the second part of the question; as regards the third, he has no doubt that the Lieutenant-Governor is alive to the necessity of dealing with any methods of violence and intimidation that this movement may involve.

Indeed...

Perhaps the greatest title since the Wali of Swat: Visits of Indian Princes to England (Jam of Nawanagar).

Mr. JOYNSON-HICKS asked whether the Jam of Nawanagar was a ruling prince in India; and whether such Jam could only come to England with the permission of the Secretary of State?

The MASTER of ELIBANK His Highness the Jam of Nawanagar is a ruling prince or chief governing his own territories under the suzerainty of His Majesty.

I am minded to declare myself the Jam of Croydon, but for the poor antecedents:

Major RENTON Is the hon. Gentleman aware that this chief is alleged to owe a great deal of money to small local tradespeople in Sussex?

(Insert 'jam tomorrow' joke here)

And, ta-da - waggishness:

Mr. J. D. REES Is not the Jam referred to in the question a better jam for Indian consumption in proportion as it is preserved in India?

And the return of Parliament's very own Mr Cresote - Uncreosoted English Larch Poles (Durability).

Mr. COURTHOPE asked the Postmaster-General upon what facts or information the Post Office estimates that the life of uncreosoted English larch poles is only from seven to ten years; and whether he was aware that, in the opinion of many timber experts, based upon practical experience, the life of uncreosoted English larch is equal to, if not greater than, that of creosoted foreign pine.

Mr. BUXTON My estimate of the time for which uncreosoted larch poles could safely carry the telegraph wires of the Post Office was based upon the reports furnished from time to time by the engineers of my Department. They inform me that a more extended use of uncreosoted timber would be fraught with danger to the general public; and I am not aware of any telegraph engineer who favours the use of such poles. I am, however, at the present moment making inquiries on that and kindred subjects of various departments and associations who may be able to give me information on the question.

A more cynical interpreter would wonder whether Courthorpe had extensive interests in larch plantations.

Not getting free trade. In the slightest:

Mr. HUNT (Con) asked the hon. Member for South Somerset, as representing the President of the Board of Agriculture, whether the responsible Committee of the City Corporation have decided to restrict future lettings in Smithfield Market, as far as possible, to firms or tenants prepared to enter into an agreement to foster the sale of British beef by every means practicable?

The TREASURER of the HOUSEHOLD (Sir Edward Strachey) The reply is in the negative.

(Hurrah for Strachey. C)

Mr. HUNT May I ask whether the hon. Gentleman is aware there is one man alone in Smithfield Market who has five stalls, at which he sells nothing but American Trust beef, and he is now trying to get another stall, and one of the very biggest in the Market?

Sir E. STRACHEY I have answered the question on information supplied to me by the Corporation.

Keeping the Hun away from our lightbulbs (if only we'd done something similar with Belgians in the last month...):

Mr. RENWICK asked the First Lord of the Admiralty whether, in the case of contracts which have recently been placed for the electric light installations and searchlights in British warships now building the contractors for such installations, etc., being British branches of German firms it is made a condition of the contract that only British-made cables, machinery, and fittings shall be used, and only British subjects employed in the superintendence and fitting of same on board the vessels; and whether precautions have been taken to prevent the necessary plans of the ships supplied to the contractors being sent abroad or shown to foreigners.

The FIRST LORD of the ADMIRALTY (Mr. McKenna) In a contract of the kind referred to in this question, it is made a condition that only British-made cables, machinery and fittings shall be used, and only British subjects employed in the superintendence and fitting of them on board the ships. With regard to the last part of the question, the following provision has been embodied in recent contracts:—"This contract involves an obligation of secrecy within the meaning of Section 2 of the Official Secrets Act, 1889.

Renwick made a serious point about national security, but facetiousness is more enjoyable.

The fix is in. Or is it?

Captain FABER asked the First Lord of the Admiralty if he will state whether, in the late naval manœuvres, the operations of the Red Fleet were directed from the Admiralty; and whether the Red Fleet was completely defeated, both strategically and tactically, by the operations of the supposed enemy?

Mr. McKENNA The hon. and gallant Gentleman must, I think, be aware that, as has been stated on several occasions in reply to questions in this House, the manœuvres are confidential. It would accordingly be contrary to the public interest to reply to the present question.

I would have said 'the Royal Navy was victorious', as by necessity it must have been.

Question heading o' the day, nay the YEAR - Defence of the Empire.

Captain FABER asked the Secretary for War if he will state whether Lord Kitchener or the Chief of the General Staff is to be responsible for the general defence of the Empire?

Mr. HALDANE The responsibility for the defence of the Empire rests with no one individual, however distinguished, but with the Government of the day. It has the advantage of being able to obtain the advice not only of the Committee of Imperial Defence, but of the Army Council and the Chief of the General Staff, the Board of Admiralty, and other advisers.

So that's that cleared up then.

It must have been a delight being Haldane:

Mr. HUNT asked whether Trooper A. Cairns, a recruit this year of the Lothian and Border Horse Yeomanry, is entitled to the £12 won by him in the regimental races on a horse hired by the Government, or whether it must be paid to the contractors who supplied the horse and who are now claiming the money?

Mr. HALDANE Nothing is known of this matter at the War Office, nor does it come within the purview of the Army Council. I therefore regret that I am not in a position to give the hon. and gallant Member any ruling on the point.

Mr. HUNT How is the man to find out whether he is to keep the money? In view of the fact that the right hon. Gentleman is a great lawyer as well as a great war lord, perhaps he would say?

Mr. HALDANE Yes; but I am wholly unskilled in the procedure of race meetings. As I already suggested, it would be much better to refer the matter to some person of great eminence in the country, like the hon. Member, for arbitration.

Mr. HUNT Is the right hon. Gentleman aware this has nothing to do with race meetings? It is a question of money.

Mr. HALDANE I am afraid the whole root of the evil in this case, as in others, lay in the £12.

Mr. HUNT Does not the right hon. Gentleman see it was the Government that hired the horse?

Were I Cairns, I would have gone to a lawyer ahead of my MP, but each to their own.

Visions of Cody:

Mr. FELL asked if the successful experiments at Aldershot by Mr. Cody with his aeroplane are being conducted at the expense of the War Office; what is the nature of his agreement, if any, with the War Office; and if the Government have any option of purchase of the aeroplane?

Mr. HALDANE Mr. Cody's aeroplane is his own property, and the experiments are being carried out at his own expense. There is no agreement with the War Office regarding his aeroplane, and no option of purchase.

Mr. FELL Are the Government doing nothing in this matter, taking no steps and expending no money, but leaving it entirely to the enterprise of Mr. Cody?

Mr. HALDANE Oh, yes, the Government are taking steps. It does not follow that because they are allowing facilities to Mr. Cody for working with his own machine that they are taking no steps.

Samuel Cody is our equivalent of the Wright brothers, not that I suppose many of us have heard of him. He had an outstanding moustache:

Labels: a thousand years ago, matters nautical, Parliament

posted by Croydonian

Saturday, September 05, 2009

They don't ask 'em like this any more:

Mr. LARDNER asked the President of the Board of Trade whether he is aware that gelignite is offered for sale in Scotland at £80 per ton, while in Ireland the price is £100 per ton, and that blasting powder is offered at 33s. per 100 pounds in Scotland, while the price in Ireland is 43s.; will he cause inquiries to be made as to whether these high prices are demanded and obtained in Ireland as the result of a ring amongst the manufacturers of those commodities; and, further, will he state how many manufacturers of these explosives there were in England, Ireland, and Scotland, respectively?

Mr. CHURCHILL I have no official information as to the relative prices obtaining for explosives in the different districts of the United Kingdom, but I shall be happy to make inquiries on this subject. There are 10 factories of gelignite in the United Kingdom, 8 in England, 1 in Scotland, and 1 in Ireland, and 10 of blasting powder, 8 in England, 1 in Scotland, and 1 in Ireland.

Quite what Lardner's interest in gelignite was is not revealed.

Speed kills, it would seem:

Mr. CATHCART WASON asked the President of the Local Government Board if his attention has been called by any local authorities to the presence of persons stationed at intervals on certain roads in order to hamper local authorities in their efforts to enforce the legal limit of 20 miles on public roads; and what reply he has made to such representations if they have been made?

Mr. BURNS I do not find that local authorities have made representations to me on this subject. Indeed, it does not so much concern these authorities as the police, and I may draw my hon. Friend's attention to the answer given by the Home Secretary on the 18th August to a question by the hon. Member for Finsbury on the subject. He then intimated that, with a view to preventing the police being hampered in the discharge of their duties, it might become necessary for Parliament to intervene in the matter.

This further confirms the answer from Pavlov's Cat and JuliaM to the question I raised here.

More shenanigans on John Bull's Other Island:

Mr. LONSDALE asked the Chief Secretary whether he is aware that on Sunday, the 29th of August, between the hours of 7 and 8 o'clock p.m., while public worship was being held in the Protestant Churches of Armagh, a band paraded the streets of the city, playing fifes and drums, and disturbing the worshippers, the noise being so great that in one church the minister, for some minutes could not 902 be heard by the congregation; and whether, having regard to past assurances on this matter, he will take steps to prevent any recurrence of this annoyance?

Mr. BIRRELL I am informed by the constabulary authorities that the members of the band in question, while driving back from sports at Keady, unexpectedly left their brakes and played through Armagh. Had the police anticipated their intention they would have asked them to refrain from playing near any church during Divine Service, a request with which the local bands always comply. The police will do all they can to prevent repetition of this annoyance.

....

Mr. JEREMIAH MacVEAGH Does the right hon. Gentleman know that the members of the Black Preceptory march on Sunday, and will he take steps to stop them?

Mr. BIRRELL I wish they would all stop at home.

I get the sense that Birell did not enjoy his job, with that response betraying the same exasperation as this - 'Mr. BIRRELL It is perfectly obvious that I cannot enter into these wretched disputes between two factions, but I hail with joy any proposal made by respectable portions of both communities to put an end to these miserable disturbances.

The Senior Service has its fans:

Mr. COCHRANE asked the First Lord of the Admiralty whether, in arranging the cruise of the Fleet near the shores of Scotland, he could detach any portion to visit the Clyde and the seaports of Ayrshire?

The SECRETARY to the ADMIRALTY (Dr. Macnamara) The Clyde is frequently visited by his Majesty's ships, and the Vice-Admiral, with part of the Third Division of the Home Fleet, is now there. The selection of the ports to be visited rests with the officer in command.

Fair enough. However, the next intervention makes me suspicious that someone was trying to win a bet:

Mr. REES Will the Secretary to the Admiralty consider the claims in the behalf of Aberystwyth, Aberayron, Aberdovey, Borth, Barmouth, Criccieth, and the other principal ports of Cardigan and Carnarvon Bays?

Spot the conflict of interest:

Mr. MULDOON (Irish Nat) asked the Chief Secretary for Ireland whether it was formerly the custom to allow the police half the fines inflicted in scab sheep prosecutions; why this custom was altered; and whether there is any intention of resuming the practice?

Mr. BIRRELL Section 75 of the Diseases of Animals Act, 1894, provides that one-third of any fine recovered under the Act may be awarded to the informer. The law officers having advised in 1900 that the police who prosecute for offences under the Act cannot be regarded as informers within the meaning of the Section, the constabulary were then instructed not to claim or accept any portion of such penalties.

I think the fines would have to be pretty hefty before I would want to get close enough to a scabby sheep to ascertain its scabbiness or otherwise. Still, good money's where you make it.

I've a piece on Hansard trawling over at Nourishing Obscurity, penned at James Higham's request, should anyone be interested.

Labels: a thousand years ago, matters nautical, Parliament

posted by Croydonian

H.M.S Illustrious

Monday, May 11, 2009

Here she is, at anchor in Greenwich:

And why the outbreak of aircraft carriers? Well, Ian of Ianvisits, being a splendid fellow, invited me to go along for a tour of the carrier on Saturday, so that prospect was enough to drag me away from my Croydon eyrie for a few hours.

While Illustrious is only a baby aircraft carrier (choppers and six Harriers maximum), it does look awfully big moored in the Thames, and opportunities to sea what our jolly jack tars are up to are fairly limited. As it stood, Ian got on the guest list via a bit of moaning on his blog, so top marks to the RN for monitoring the internet. From what I could see of the various guest lists, most of the folk wandering around the ship were worthies of some description, old sea dogs or Cubs. I am still a bit taken aback that are girls in the latter, but then again I'm old and have antediluvian attitudes on some things. Maybe they let boys join the Brownies. In further evidence that things have changed, one of said small people had a badge marked 'Edam'. If they had out badges for eating cheese, then the long awaited Apocalypse really is upon us.

Anyway, we drew the short straw and were guided around by someone without much skill in maintaining visitor interest - he spent a couple of minutes talking about a fire hose. Yes, really. I had been hoping the Trinidadian lady (T 'n' T was on her name badge) was going to walk us round as she had one of the voices you would happily listen to intoning the phone book. Hey ho...

Once inside the beast, one of my first thoughts was that it reminded me a bit of the car deck of a channel ferry, if on a somewhat more dramatic level. The rake on the stairs presumably acts as a live indicator of the spryness of the ratings and so forth, as some of the less agile members of our group could only negotiate them with much huffing and puffing. The radar room was notable for the utterly crappy seating for the radar bods. Imagine something in a really decrepit mini cab base station and you will be on the right track. The frequency of dymo and handwritten labels popping up hither and yon was a source of minor amusement.

The bridge had rather superior seating, courtesy of Rolls-Royce if the plaque affixed to the captain's chair is to be believed. As Ian has noted, the steering wheel, so to speak, was a rather comical looking thing - about the size of something on a child's pedal car, but presumably it does the job.

Further back on the bridge, I noticed this outbreak of Latin:

'Everything's in your hands' is my best guess but having been denied a classical education, I await a correction.

Further gratuitous carrier and helicopter shots: