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Jarring first paragraph of the day

This, from the Met's site:


"The Honourable Jonathan Davies has this morning (15 September) pleaded guilty to £232K of theft from a charity set up by his philanthropist grandfather, Lord David Davies, in 1926". 

Not very honourable at all, frankly.

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Anonymous puzzled of nether wallop said... 10:40 am

Happy International Ozone Day old chap! As you may imagine, excitement here in Nether Wallop is reaching fever pitch, not least as our oldest inhabitant Edgar Scrotum managed to get his head wedged in a catering jar of pickled onions at the Dog and Mandelson. It took an industrial wrench and a ceramic brush set borrowed from Moose No More beauticians of Nether Wallop to get the old so and so’s head out.

In any event, yours truly asked myself what could be done for the poor old ozone layer as an appropriate gesture for this auspicious day. Then it came to me. As previously revealed on your distinguished blog, flatulent cattle releasing methane into the atmosphere essentially cause the ozone layer’s problems. So yours truly got some superglue, tippy toed down to Farmer Giles’s herd and – ahem – sealed up their bottoms. So far so good.

Then a snag – the dozy bovines started expanding due to the volume of trapped methane. Methane of course being considerably lighter than air it came to pass that before long grossly over inflated cattle ascended the skies over Nether Wallop like horned zeppelins. Then things took a particularly unfortunate turn. The more unsustainably over inflated cattle started exploding in mid air and poor old Edgar Scrotum, who had just stumbled out of the Dog and Mandelson somewhat disorientated after steadying his nerves with six Jäger bombs poured down his neck by one of our problem teens, Preciousangel McLoon, was hit by an earthbound pile of cow intestines and knocked out cold.

“‘E’s well pissed innit” Preciousangel helpfully explained.

Then a falling udder from one of the exploding airborne cows knocked her out too.

You’ve got to laugh.  



Blogger Croydonian said... 11:22 am

PoNW - Marvelous, and a happy Ozone Day to you too.  



Anonymous Rob said... 11:46 am

As honourable as the 650-odd 'honourable members' of a certain Westminster institution...  



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