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What Kim Jong Il is being deprived of this week

From Hansard:

"Mr. Hague: To ask the Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs which luxury goods may not be exported to North Korea under the terms of United Nations Security Council Resolution 1718 (2006).

David Miliband: UN Security Council Resolution 1718 decided that all UN Member States shall prevent the direct or indirect supply, sale or transfer to the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea of luxury goods. The Resolution did not specify which items were defined as luxury goods. Council Regulation 329/2007 defined those goods for the purposes of EU implementation. The list is available in Annex III of Council Regulation (EC) No. 329/2007".

And here is that list. With some helpful facetiae:

1. Pure-bred horses - So nags are ok, presumably

2. Caviar and caviar substitutes - Not even lumpfish roe?

3. Truffles and preparations thereof - How will KJI impress his guests?

4. High quality wines (including sparkling wines), spirits and spirituous beverages. Were I a marketing man, I would strive to get my company's product range on the list so I could market it as 'banned in the DPRK'. And if they don't fetch 'em, I don't know, erm, Pyongyang.

5. High quality cigars and cigarillos - Somehow I cannot imagine that the Cubans pay much heed to the boycott, so KJI will at least have the comfort of a decent stogy. Presumably everyone knows the tale about JFK cleaning out DC's tobacconists of Havanas the day before he signed an order banning their import. Scumbag that he was.

6. Luxury perfumes, toilet waters and cosmetics, including beauty and make-up products. Defined by how much is charged for them rather than any innate qualities, I imagine.

7. High quality leather, saddlery and travel goods, handbags and similar articles. So no Hermès concession at Pyongyang airport....

8. High quality garments, clothing accessories and shoes (regardless of their material). Now that's just mean.

9. Hand-knotted carpets, handwoven rugs and tapestries. Looks like it will have to be beige carpet tiles or lino for the next palace re-furb.

10. Pearls, precious and semi-precious stones, articles of pearls, jewellery, gold- or silversmith articles. I'm sure the next Mrs Kim will be delighted to have a cubic zirconium engagement ring.

11. Coins and banknotes, not being legal tender. I am so tempted to post him a farthing.

12. Cutlery of precious metal or plated or clad with precious metal.

13. High quality tableware of porcelain, china, stone-

or earthenware or fine pottery

14. High quality lead crystal glassware. I am beginning to sense that the plan is to mortify KJI by wrecking his ability to throw sufficiently swanky soirees.

15. High end electronic items for domestic use. Pretty vague that.

16. High end electrical/electronic or optical apparatus for recording and reproducing sound and images. There go the home movies.

17. Luxury vehicles for the transport of persons on earth, air or sea, as well as their accessories and spare parts. I'm sure a stretch Tata Nano could be very presidential.

18. Luxury clocks and watches and their parts. Not that they tell the time any better than a five quid digital effort.

19. High quality musical instruments. No Stradivari for Mt Paektu Philharmonic, and KJI will just have to keep dreaming of the day when he can belt out Highway to Hell on a Stratocaster.

20. Works of art, collectors' pieces and antiques. No postcards on the fridge then.

21. Articles and equipment for skiing, golf, diving and water sports. Given KJI's prowess at golf, he will not be that bothered.

22. Articles and equipment for billiard, automatic bowling, casino games and games operated by coins or banknotes. What, neither snooker nor pool? And I guess that Pong machine will remain the highlight of K's personal amusement arcade.

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