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Sucking eggs - a handy guide from the Mayor of London

Our old friend Felicia Nicolette 'Nicky' Gavron and Joan 'Unilateral nuclear disarmament' Ruddock have got together to launch "a report which addresses how homes in the South East of England can be adapted to the impacts of climate change". So anyone outside those areas best not read it. (Rather amusingly Ruddock is Minister for Waste, although I do not doubt her colleagues could challenge that title based on their achievements).

Anyway, "The three regions addressed in the report have a housing stock of more than nine million homes with 21 million people living in these homes. Of these properties, the majority were planned and designed for climatic conditions prevalent at the time of build. These climatic conditions have altered and the projections of changing climate in the coming decades suggest that the climate will continue to change, while adversely affecting these homes". More here.

I do not have the energy to go into the ins and outs of the logic of scientific discovery, 'proving' hypotheses and the like, but one does have to marvel at the idea that it can be averred that climate change has occurred when London and Roseland's weather over the last 50 years is well within prior norms. The really cute bit about the press release is the bet hedging - no references to global warming - so it could mean getting triple glazing for the forthcoming ice age, or it could mean installing air conditioning (although The Man does not approve of that) to deal with the delightful Mediterranean climate that, judging from the weekend's snow, is clearly upon us.

Anyway, enough of this skirmishing, onwards to see what can be done to protect Croydonian Towers from the ravages of climate change.

And the possibilities for mockery are better, far better than I could possibly have imagined. It really is 'hug oneself in delight and burst into song' levels of idiotic.

Yes, really:

"Homes need to be protected against the heat levels experienced in the summers of 2003 and 2006. There are many options, from simply opening windows to installing shutters or awnings". It also definitively answers that hitherto perennial mystery, 'Where does the heat come from?'. I am not making this up, although I am beginning to wish that I was. And the answer: 'Heat from the sun soaks into the walls and roof of your home during the day, warming them'. And there was I thinking it was down to malignant sprites breathing hot air through the letter box.

There is nothing else quite on a par with that, but it suggests insurance as a useful precaution against flooding, and - apparently - 'Many measures to improve water efficiency are inexpensive, attractive, effective and will save you money'. It suggests limiting one's shower to 4 minutes, which is a bit raw on anyone with long hair.

More later, perhaps.

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Blogger Bretwalda Edwin-Higham said... 3:33 pm

malignant sprites

Ah - so you found out about them.  



Anonymous nomad said... 4:22 pm

In my day they were frog-eyed sprites! ow times change (along with the weather).  



Anonymous nomad said... 4:23 pm

How...
(note to self: Get another proof reader)  



Blogger Croydonian said... 4:27 pm

James - I surely did.

Nomad - Pa Croydonian, God rest his soul, had one. One of the prices of parenthood was having to trade it in for something more family friendly. I am amazed he forgave me.  



Blogger Unsworth said... 8:17 pm

The Frogeye being so much nicer than the equivalent Midget. They had to be in BRG with the tan upholstery really. Mind you, tweaking them was fun, what with the nicely accessible front end. There were some quite elegant aftermarket hard-tops, too. Remember the Le Mans versions?

As to the loopy bints - I'm reminded of Lewisham declaring itself a Nuclear Free Zone. I laughed every time I passed the signs.  



Blogger Unsworth said... 8:55 pm

Oh, and you might be entertained by this:

http://www.carandclassic.co.uk/event/172  



Blogger Edland said... 8:56 pm

Post of the year-so-far Mr C!

Ruddock is a fool and quite ready to take the ministerial coin even when her boss is pro-Trident. What does the report say about low temperature conditions - are we supposed to close the windows to keep out the cold? I just can't work it out for myself.  



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