<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d14058325\x26blogName\x3dChiswickite++-+formerly+The+Croydonian\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dBLUE\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttps://croydonian.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_GB\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://croydonian.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d5887652838424436549', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe", messageHandlersFilter: gapi.iframes.CROSS_ORIGIN_IFRAMES_FILTER, messageHandlers: { 'blogger-ping': function() {} } }); } }); </script>

The ideal present for an enemy

I present the qStart, a device which when plugged into a car cigarette lighter socket will:

"Remind you to drive on the correct side of the road every time you start your car",

"[give] random warning tones and messages to maintain driver interest", and an

"additional automatic warning to "Take a break" after 2 hours of continuous driving".

I wonder if either Patricia Hewitt or Tessa Jowell auditioned to be the voice?

Labels: ,

This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 02, 2007 at 4:14 pm. You can skip to the end and leave a response.

« Home | Next »
| Next »
| Next »
| Next »
| Next »
| Next »
| Next »
| Next »
| Next »
| Next »

Anonymous Anonymous said... 4:26 pm

I have one of those. She objected strongly when I plugged her into the cigarette lighter, tho

On the plus side, neither Hewitt or Jowell provide the voice.

The random warning tones are really something!  



Anonymous Anonymous said... 4:31 pm

Now of course me being me I canot miss this opurtunity to introduce some smut, so here goes...
many years ago whilst paying a visit to the "harmony centre" in manchester and checking out the toys with the girl friend I noticed a "give yourself a blow job" device , fair enough until I saw that it came with an in car cigarette lighter jack plug , for month after I kept a close eye on people in traffic jams.  



Anonymous Anonymous said... 4:36 pm

here another sex shop anecdote
the chap who owned the shop (and another) along with his wife were an extraordinary couple, two very highly educated and well bred jewish people it was a labour of love for them.
Anyway, he wasn't just smut merchant he was a real enthusiast and used to import the things direct from hong kong and wholesale them
guess who was his biggest customer???
The NHS !
They were(are) used in speech therapy  



Anonymous Anonymous said... 4:42 pm

The robotic tones of Hazel Blears were a clear winner before they got as far as even thinking of auditions.  



Anonymous Anonymous said... 5:10 pm

Perhaps the spec was

"gives random warning tones and massages to maintain driver interest ...  



Anonymous Anonymous said... 5:15 pm

Having lived in France, I wouldn't mind drivers from England getting random reminders to drive on the damn' right side of the road.

They're more or less OK on the autoroutes, but in town centres, pulling out of parking lots onto the wrong side of the road, overtaking on the wrong side on narrow streets, and so on makes them infuriating. A handy guide for them would be looking to see which direction cars on the street are parked facing. This would give them an instant clue. But no. Over to the wrong side into the oncoming traffic.  



Anonymous Anonymous said... 5:22 pm

Mr Hitchens, I work for the NHS, and in my ten years of service, I have never come across (sorry) a sex toy.  



Blogger Croydonian said... 5:46 pm

I don't doubt that the device would have its uses, but one would need the patience of Job to put up with it for more than five minutes.  



Anonymous Anonymous said... 5:48 pm

anon
I can only repeat what I read in the Manchester Evening news  



Anonymous Anonymous said... 5:50 pm

Mr Hitchens, I am not doubting you! I will go to speech therapy tomorrow for a little look. I may be some time.  



Blogger Praguetory said... 7:45 pm

Has it got some sort of satellite device on it so that it knows whether to say left or right. Can you imagine the lawsuits if it got it wrong?  



Anonymous Anonymous said... 8:32 pm

I think they rub the vibro against the patients throat.
I superpose it could also be used as a threat
"stop fucking stuttering or im going to shove this up your jacksie"
I believe some medical professionals speak that way  



Anonymous Anonymous said... 12:39 am

Having lived in France, I wouldn't mind drivers from England getting random reminders to drive on the damn' right side of the road.

Having driven in France I would like to report it is as if every day the car was invented anew. Worst stats in Europe and boy you `ve got some stiff competition. Italians , Greeks ...

And anuffer...sorry ,m, anuffer mmph ..crumbs speech therapy needed  



Anonymous Anonymous said... 2:27 am

Well, the French are the worst drivers in my experience. They're unbearable. They tailgate you, as in lock onto your rear fender, at 60 mph on windy country roads to the point where you can see the blonde driver behind you's dark root growth.  



Anonymous Anonymous said... 12:04 pm

I have just spent a very satisfying morning down in the speech therapy department :^)  



Blogger Croydonian said... 12:13 pm

Ooh err....  



» Post a Comment