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Stupid criminal of the year

No, not the one who has been vexing us all of late, but rather the Floridan who sought the help of the Sunshine State's finest over a batch of dodgy crack she had been sold.

Meanwhile, my thanks to those perceptive individuals who have voted for me as blogger of the year chez Dale. What with secret ballots, I could not possibly confirm or deny that I voted for mysef.
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Blogger Praguetory said... 9:52 am

I voted for you C. However, as I have another PC in Prague I might be tempted to vote differently upon my return to tonight - especially as you have all but confirmed that you voted for yourself.  

Blogger Croydonian said... 10:03 am

Now how many different PCs can I crank into life....

In discussion with Dizz we concluded that whoever comes third is the real winner, as Guido and CHome are not really comparable to the rest of us.  

Blogger Praguetory said... 10:05 am

I agree, but I'm just delighted to be there at all.  

Blogger Croydonian said... 10:10 am


Blogger Newmania said... 10:49 am

I have voted for you C and also posted a long and tedious panegyric to my best blogs . This includes Praguetory whose boxing prowess persuades me he is always right .

Worst Blog the disgusting "Eugene"  

Blogger istanbultory said... 10:56 am

Worst Blog- why surely the ( semi-dormant)JHL blog would be up there in the running. If only Hitch could get his blogging act together.....  

Blogger Croydonian said... 10:59 am

A poll on blogless comment makers could be interesting, although Verity & Hitch would win in a dead heat I think.  

Blogger Croydonian said... 11:02 am

Meanwhile my thanks to my declarees. I'm quite humbled.  

Anonymous Anonymous said... 11:18 am

It was a difficult choice between yourself, PT, Dizzy, Ellee and Guido. So I voted for Boris Johnson.  

Blogger Newmania said... 11:21 am

semi-dormant)JHL blog is the same as the one I refer to as "Eugene "

I have no doubt C picked up the Pink Floyd Reference  

Blogger Croydonian said... 11:29 am

Can't say I did. My Floyd knowledge is limited.  

Blogger Croydonian said... 11:30 am

Ah yes - of course....  

Blogger Praguetory said... 11:45 am

You should have been on the list UKDP.  

Anonymous Anonymous said... 12:04 pm

vote early, vote often  

Blogger Croydonian said... 12:11 pm

Speaking of which, way back lost in the mists of time when Zim had its first election (as Zim) there were no electoral rolls as such, so people had their hands stamped with a soap resistant but slow degrading ink. Some cunning Shona or Ndebele discovered that washing one's hand in Coca-Cola served to clear the mark. Given that voting involved a lot of queuing, I could not begin to hazard a guess as to how much multiple voting went on.  

Anonymous peter hitchens said... 1:03 pm

The axe murderer is now barred from guido
no doubt our mr dale has done likewise  

Blogger Croydonian said... 1:06 pm

He's already got a lifetime - and life means life... - ban here, in advance of any attempt to post.  

Anonymous Anonymous said... 1:21 pm

I think I have also tripped up his budding media career , I cant believe Dale was thinking of having the fucker on his programme.  

Blogger Croydonian said... 1:23 pm

Did the Dalemeister pull him? If so, stout work all round.  

Anonymous Anonymous said... 1:43 pm

the axe murderer wasnt exactly candid 9despite his claim)
manslaughter can mean you were unlucky to get into a fight and sombody died , could happen to any of us.
A bit different from axeing somebodies mum to death because you felt like it and then not express any remorse, he should be either dead or at least in prison  

Anonymous verity said... 1:56 pm

Well, excuse me if I elbow my way in here, but I was the first one to mention, in tones of revulsion, that Dale was planning to have the chewing gum you can't scrape off the bottom of your shoe on 18 Doughty Street. I mentioned it two days ago before everyone else got in on the act. And then I mentioned it again.

You didn't spike the remorseless axe murderer of an old lady's media career alone, PHitch. I'd already got the underpinnings in place when you came in and added some much needed muscle!

So sad, really. He was so looking forward to his appearance on TV that he mentioned it several times. Oh well, life holds many a bitter disappointment for axe murderers who dream of media stardom. Maybe he could go on Big Brother House or Help, I'm A Celebrity.  

Blogger Rigger Mortice said... 2:10 pm

verity you maskre me smile  

Blogger Hercules said... 2:14 pm

You are very welcome, my dear boy!!!

I looked down the list, saw your name and did my duty.

Keep up the excellent work.


Blogger istanbultory said... 2:39 pm

Well, The devil's kitchen is doing well, despite or even because of, the high cunt allusion count...  

Anonymous verity said... 2:44 pm

The axe murderer is still blogging over at Dale's, no doubt still trying to ingratiate himself. Is he still going to get onto Doughty St does anyone know?  

Anonymous Verity said... 2:47 pm

The murderer posted something on Dale's at around 3:15 this morning. A wee bit obsessive, I'd say.  

Blogger Croydonian said... 2:50 pm

I've got a post ready for the second he shows up here, if he does....  

Blogger istanbultory said... 2:59 pm

He might turn up here. I wouldn't put it past him. On Ellee's blog, he does refer to comments made by Mr Newmania on various blogs. I presume he could be on about Chez Croydonian. For those who haven't seen it, the current thread at Ellee's is worth a lookee...  

Anonymous Anonymous said... 3:02 pm

Id give him my adress but the big girls blouse would just report me to the police rather than turn up himself  

Anonymous verity said... 3:14 pm

Awwwww ... boo hoo ... JHL has posted a heart rending post over on Ellee's. He is so sad because he cannot give Christmas presents to all the wonderful people who have helped him because he's on jobseeker's allowance and it is only £55 a week. And he doesn't seem able to sell himself as a consultant in, well, I'm not sure, but it has something to do with prison and voting. Cry me a river.  

Anonymous Anonymous said... 3:27 pm

Surely the job centre must be full of opportunities for mad axe murderers?

Mad axeman
8 am -4 pm
£5.25 an hour
must have own axe  

Anonymous verity said... 3:48 pm

PHitch - surely you'd let him have a lend of your axe until he gets his first pay cheque?  

Blogger istanbultory said... 3:53 pm

Hitch, you put up a fine post at Ellee's alas all posts related to Hirst and subsequent responses have been removed by the blog owner.  

Anonymous David Allen said... 3:55 pm

I too have cast a vote for Croydonian _ roll on 4%! or 5 or 6%! Cannot possibly add to Newmania's paeon of praise....
Guido has unstoppable momentum, clearly, but (increasingly flaky contributors aside) does it have to look so ugly? I know 'content is king' but our own dear C and others at least make an effort to offer up their wisdom in a clear, fresh layout.... (I market websites and journals for a living, hence my interest in 'fluffy stuff' like this....)  

Anonymous call me ishmael said... 3:59 pm

Yes, I voted for Croydonian as well.

I don't go to Guido's much any more due to the quality of many of the commenters. I just look in every three or four days now.  

Anonymous call me ishmael said... 4:00 pm

I meant to add, good for Ellee for removing everything to do with the axe murderer. He was getting too much attention and building too big a platform for himself.  

Blogger Croydonian said... 4:06 pm

Sticking with the Moby Dick motif, our very own PH is pursuing JHL with Ahab like intensity. Let us hope there is a better ending than in the novel.

David, CMI - Thank you.

I think Guido goes in for a deliberately amateurish look.  

Anonymous Margorie said... 5:06 pm

The axe murderer seems to have changed his blog name to 'prisonlawinsideout'.
I agree with Ishmael actually.. I think he probably gets off on all this attention, even if it is negative.  

Anonymous Anonymous said... 5:26 pm

Has there ever been a better opening line of a book?
Ishmael , you are correct, my aim was just to out him.
I have been invited to meet people I have "met" online including women, people should be made aware of just what this creature is capable of, particularly females, not all of whom are as sensible as our redoubtable Verity , many fall all to easily for a sob story.  

Blogger Croydonian said... 5:30 pm

The start of 'Earthly Powers' by Antonio Borghese takes some beating too:

"It was the afternoon of my eighty-first birthday, and I was in bed with my catamite when Ali announced that the archbishop had come to see me."

And an outstandingly good novel it is too.  

Anonymous Anonymous said... 5:53 pm

Now that made me laugh out loud! (+:
How did the novel end, did the archbishop get the boy?

that line sounds like it could have come from Gordon Browns future autobigraphy.  

Anonymous verity said... 5:54 pm

That is a marvellous opening sentence, Croydonian, and I haven't seen it before.

Someone, it may have been SJ Perelman, once wrote a piece on great opening sentences of novels. "Call me Ishmael" was right up there.  

Anonymous verity said... 5:57 pm

PHitch - Yes, some women are very naive and driven by kind-heartedness. As you know, I'm not one of them.  

Blogger Croydonian said... 6:09 pm

The start of '1984' is marvelous for its economy, but pungency, of words too.  

Blogger Croydonian said... 6:12 pm

Meanwhile, hasten to the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction contest for this year's winning worst opening line.  

Anonymous Anonymous said... 6:13 pm

I have no doubt that you are a very kind person, where its due.

C when we do meet be aware that if you use any phrase even remotley like "pungency, of words" I will have to punch you!
You have been warned (+:  

Blogger Croydonian said... 6:17 pm

OK, having been warned I will veer towards the demotic....  

Anonymous vikki said... 9:23 pm

Got my vote....  

Anonymous Mr R said... 10:31 pm

PH - do not threaten violence on C, he is a man of peace and not war. Basically he's not the fighting kind. me on the other hand, well you know what real Northerners are like, especially after a jar or two.  

Blogger Newmania said... 10:41 pm

Don`t worry C I `ll be there to protect you in my distinctive way. That would be by cowering behind somebody brave and wringing my hands so basically you are up a creek old chum.

Its exciting on the top blog race Dizzy is starting to nake his class tell in the final furlong though . Croydon boy the crowds favourite has been a game little nag but asked to much on this occassion


Blogger Newmania said... 10:44 pm

C there is a fabulous opening line of Zen and the Art of Motor cycle maintenance about a watch . Can`t find it , where are you cribbing from ?  

Anonymous Mr R said... 10:49 pm

N - I will be there to protect C. He has covered my back on several occasions over the years and its the least I could do in return.

I voted for him too but he needs to drum up more support.  

Anonymous Mr R said... 10:56 pm

N - are these the lines you mean?

"I can see by my watch, without taking my hand from the left grip of the cycle, that it is eight-thirty in the morning. The wind, even at sixty miles an hour, is warm and humid. When it's this hot and muggy at eight-thirty, I'm wondering what it's going to be like in the afternoon."  

Anonymous verity said... 11:12 pm

Newmania - It is from the movie of Pygmalian - "My Fair Lady". (I think it was in the original stage play as well and gave London theatre goers a thrilling shock.)  

Anonymous the chocolate orange inspector said... 11:17 pm

Mr R - no wonder I always had a suspicion that Zen And the Art etc would be bone-achingly boring.  

Anonymous Anonymous said... 11:38 pm

How could I lay hands upon the men who have given me the secret of curry (+:  

Anonymous Anonymous said... 12:01 am

Sorry i `m having difficulty posting TEST  

Anonymous Anonymous said... 12:12 am

cant see any tests  

Anonymous Anonymous said... 12:12 am

Thanks for that R , I like the line because the picture changes vertiginously as the sentence unfolds . So there Choccy Orange , tasty and festive treat though you may be I cannot agree.

Good spot V , you seem to know a fair bit about popular culture which the absence of the Bono meme lead me to believe was not your cup of tea.

Incidentally what on earth do they put in the Lib Dum herbal broth . Is there one of them capable of retaining trouser control for two days on the trot. From Pantsdown to Cheeky (how did he choose) they are out doing les Bleus by a country mile . Gender is at your own discretion of course Oaten and gang . Greg Barker and the tale of a Lady`s passion for Mellors the painter was not good enough. We need a bit more Alan Clarke , brandy cigars and a fine filly about the place A bit less Dave and his Gap dressed ski youghurt family .

Annuver thing is it just me or is time starting to get out of shape . Alan Clarke wring in the very early seventies wrote . “Thirty years ago when the Luftwaffe flew over London” …Now thirty years ago the Sex Pistols came out . Well it just seems a bit wrong to me .  

Anonymous Anonymous said... 12:21 am

I see PHITCH pounced like a starving raptor.

Apparently Lembit enjoys his cheeky delights best whilst listening to Music .He looks the type who would plump for early baroque recorder ensembles and I have a teeny suspicion this is going the way of young Major.

Yes Major now he kept the Tory end up which rather brings us back to Curry

eh eh (Sid James watches over me )

Haoppned to spot an old article about "Cash for Questions" the other day. Very similiar language to the current K and P boot sale  

Anonymous verity said... 2:05 am

Raptors don't pounce, you nit.

On a different subject, but not entirely, the reason cats are so fearless, given their teeth, claws and ability to jump heights is, their only enemy is raptors. If they live in a raptor-free part of geography, they are home and dry and they know this.  

Blogger Croydonian said... 9:44 am

I read 'Zen' some years back, and I will not be returning to it.

Lowering the tone *very* briefly, all of the goings on among the Lib Dems makes me wonder whether PJ O'Rorke had it all wrong : "People ask me if I've ever been called a Nazi. I answer that no one has ever had dreams of being tied down and sexually ravished by someone dressed as a liberal."  

Blogger Croydonian said... 9:44 am

PJ O'Rourke, that would be.  

Anonymous Anonymous said... 9:55 am

You don`t yearn for the frisson of rough weave on flesh or the wicked insinuations of of an unkempt beard.

( Thats the women )  

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