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Holy See FC

In a thoroughly odd development, the Vatican has ambitions of fielding a top level football team, apparently. More here

I can see a number of problems. Firstly, where will the pitch go? The minimum is 330' by 210'. Always assuming there are no stands... Here's a map of the Vatican to illustrate the problem:

Always suppposing that the Pope thinks it worth knocking down a building or two, what about team selection? Catholics only? (There's a very poor joke about left footers to be had here). Moving on, sponsorship could be a bit of a problem. Presumably not the London Rubber Company. Were Holy See FC to get into international competitions, fixtures involving Rangers might be a little troublesome. Sunday fixtures will be out of the question, but I hope we might see fewer fouls and the like, but doubtless the average observant referee might feel a little intimidated nevertheless.
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Anonymous Anonymous said... 2:08 pm

Surely a revamping of the palace of justice into a suitable Stand would allow for the space in front of it to be so used. 'Justice' in the papal sense is a slight Oxymoron and by their own ideology should be left to St Peter in the nearby Basillica in any event.

I have read elsewhere that the well know philanthropist Tom Cruise is available for sponsorship.

The opening match with Al-Whada FC [Mecca] would make for a fantastic event  

Anonymous Anonymous said... 2:16 pm

Lets face it the old poof just wants to look at youngseminarians in shorts.
Did you know that there is a calender featuring "hot" priests? Im not joking, get googling  

Blogger Cranmer said... 2:16 pm

His Grace is intrigued...

On whose side would God be?

Would not any Protestant/Catholic match increase sectarian tensions?

Would not any Muslim/Catholic match ignite global conflict?

While all England/Germany matches are perceived as perpetual replays of two world wars, His Grace can't help thinking that Vatican FC would simply be perceived as a crusade by postmodern means...  

Blogger Newmania said... 2:22 pm

AS I understod it until recenty the Vatican had interests in condom manufactures , arms manufacturers and so on.

Perhaps the team could be announced by small plumes of smoke rising from the training room ?  

Blogger Croydonian said... 2:53 pm

I imagine half time pep talks would be rather different from those given by Alex 'Taggart' Ferguson.  

Blogger Croydonian said... 2:59 pm

PH - just tried to e-mail you and it bounced.  

Anonymous David Allen said... 3:26 pm

Hot Priests? I couldn't resist a little Google _ and 'Father March' made it all worthwhile! August (?)was a rather nice Latin number too!
But what on earth were the search terms that threw up this gem? Can't see the throbbingly hetero PHITCH googling 'hot priests'.....  

Blogger Croydonian said... 3:30 pm

I can imagine that some of them might appeal to gentlemen who prefer gentlemen.  

Blogger Cranmer said... 3:46 pm

Would their mascot be a beautiful little altar boy?  

Blogger Newmania said... 3:46 pm

Dont you start your googling David I have just got over gay finger.  

Blogger Newmania said... 3:50 pm

PHITCH is throbbingly hetro. Throbbingly ? Must you.  

Anonymous David Allen said... 3:58 pm

Newmania _ please clarify: I have never given you the finger _ gay or otherwise!
Apologies PHITCH for describing you, a gout-sufferer, as 'throbbing'!
Back to football for a moment: would FIFA let the Vatican select their team from any of the world's 1 billion Catholics? if so, they must be on to a dead-cert for the World Cup.....  

Anonymous Anonymous said... 4:08 pm

my throbbing days are over (gout wise)just celebrating with a beer  

Blogger Croydonian said... 4:14 pm

This is splendid news.

Back to the football, on David's basis I reckon world cup semi finalists would be RC, Sunni, Lutheran and maybe Anglican. Can't see Zoroastratians or Scientologists going beyond the group stages...  

Anonymous Ellee said... 4:19 pm

Will the nuns be taking up netball next?  

Anonymous Anonymous said... 4:31 pm

at least the Iraqi football team no longer have to worry about having the soles of their feet beaten for losing.
Shame we cant bring in such sensible policies UK side.
Although Uday Hussein wasn't technically a dictator, he did flag up on my radar as having potential to be the despots despot, apart from his appalling dress sense and buck teeth.
No, I will stick with the flawed but elegant Muammar Abu Minyar al-Gaddafi, short on genocide but long on style.  

Anonymous David Allen said... 4:37 pm

PHITCH _ have you ever read Gaddafi's 'little green book'? I haven't ever seen an English translation. May be a useful handbook on how to be elegantly despotic?  

Blogger Croydonian said... 4:40 pm

PH makes an important point. Dictators should sport uniforms unless they are sartorially clued up. Much credit goes to the Iranian big cheeses (bar Mad Inejad), who have always been well turned out.  

Blogger Rigger Mortice said... 4:42 pm

uday hussein would have been a hall of famer for sure.he had it all.  

Blogger Newmania said... 4:45 pm

I should like to be a fly on wall in the Pagans Dressing Room . Many Virgins will be slain on that bright morn.

I`ve got a sneaky hunch The Greek Orthodox Church might hold their shape well whereas the Janesists would tip toeing so delicately they `d be out first round. Opus Dei would come on a bit like the “Rockest at the end the veggie advert and Buddhists would be to busy wondering how they looked to get dirty.

Nuns netball sounds good but I’ve never had a thing for nuns .Nurses yes . Nuns no . It s all in my book

If I `m ever tortured I want to be passive smoked to death. Surveys say its excrutiating.

Glad you gout is getting better PHITCH busy little bee I hear. Pity.  

Anonymous David Allen said... 4:45 pm

Croydonian is right about the 'Iranian Big Cheeses': Hojatoleslam Rafsanjani, in particular, must be the sharpest cleric since Richelieu. Do others share my delight in today's news that he has just been successfully elected to the supreme council thingy that appoints (and can fire) the supreme leader (i.e. Khamenei)? The Iranian people have clearly realised the error of their ways in not voting for him over Mad Inejad last year.... Rafsanjani may have sticky fingers, but he is probably the greatest hope of the Iranians at the moment.  

Blogger Newmania said... 4:53 pm

I suppose the Jews would keep possessions well and the righteous Church of new Saints for Jesus (halleluiah) would show natural rhythm on the ball …just love to play.

Oh dear it wasn’t` long ago ITV did a montage of incandescent Brazilian flare to the music “That old black magic ……….. horrors.  

Anonymous Anonymous said... 4:57 pm

Did you ever read the real tale of the founder of the American Nazi party?
Turned out the guy was Jewish!
One thing is for sure jews do have a good sense of humour (+:  

Blogger Croydonian said... 4:58 pm

David, I *own* a copy of the LGB. I blogged about it a while back.

With the more hirsute faiths, might there not be problems with 'beard ball'?

Back on matters serious, that is some relatively good news from Tehran.  

Anonymous Mr R said... 4:59 pm

Could we get a Jewish team to play the vatican & MeccaFC somewhere interesting - jerusalem perhaps. Crowd control could be an issue and I wouldn't want tobe the ref but it could be fun from a spectator's perspective.

N - didn't the Swiss show how good they were at keeping the Jewish posessions?  

Blogger Newmania said... 5:02 pm

Thanks R we are getting a league together here.
I once did a cartoon charcters rugby fifteen , bloody fast on the wing (Gonzales ...)

I digress  

Anonymous Mr R said... 5:05 pm

N - as a rugby fan I am intrigued. I can think of a few myself - road runner on the other wing perhaps? jerry would make a good scrum-half - he's a devious little shit.  

Blogger Croydonian said... 5:05 pm

Italian or not, the RC team would have to be Atlético Catholico.  

Anonymous Mr R said... 5:11 pm

In the intersts of peace we could have a combined Jewish/catholic team under the guise of Oy vey Maria Utd.  

Blogger Hercules said... 5:22 pm

Maybe they can inspire the London Olympic committee and Mayor Livingston to get their act together on the 2012 stadium; because lets face it they are going to need a fucking miracle!!!!  

Anonymous Anonymous said... 6:53 pm

Nr R the curry is on
I have thrown in a bay leaf two star anisea and extra chilli
smells/tastes good so far (just bubbling)  

Anonymous Anonymous said... 6:54 pm

and on the subject of jewish football jokes i will reapeta my jewish toon army joke
"oi vey the lads"  

Blogger Croydonian said... 7:13 pm

Mr R is a Mackem (I can't tell all these northern pit villages apart, but apparently it matters to them), but I think he'll approve.  

Anonymous Mr R said... 9:20 pm

Sunderland is not a a "northern pit village". When I was a lad they built boats on the Wear and we had a decent football team that won the FA Cup in 1973 beating the fancy dan bastards of Leeds. Sunderland is now a bona fide city I'll have you know and evn has a university. More than can be said for a dot on the flatlands of Essex.

PH - hope the curry works out well, it is a good recipe, just hope it doesn't aggravate the gout  

Anonymous Mr R said... 9:28 pm

Sunderland is also the 1st place in the UK to be subject to a cholera outbreak - n the mid 1800's  

Anonymous Anonymous said... 10:54 pm

You were lucky!
C and I had to grow up in a suburb, now that is tough.  

Blogger Croydonian said... 11:00 pm

I grew up in a commuter belt village in Essex but was born about 6 or 7 miles from the current Croydonian Towers, which is odd, and unplanned. Mind you, I've had it tough - I lived in Neasden for a year.  

Anonymous Anonymous said... 11:49 pm

you were lucky !
have you seen my interview with a murderer on Guido?
I rather like it  

Blogger Croydonian said... 11:52 pm

I'd seen you were going mano a mano with JHL, but I'll have another look. Must say I'd been enjoying seeing him get the full PH.  

Anonymous Anonymous said... 12:17 am

mano a keyboard
fucking tragic (+:

He should be dancing on the end of a rope, fun to poke with a virtual stick but no doubt a future head line in a provincial newspaper  

Blogger Rigger Mortice said... 12:17 am

yeah it was good and unlike guido,i think the readership enjoyed it.

I actually thought it was funny,unlike jhl,who wasn't very.

thought you had to be of good character to sue for libel?any one know?  

Blogger Croydonian said... 12:32 am

Way back lost in the mists of time, I studied defamation law, although it has changed a bit since.

In essence you have to publish something untrue which is defamatory, and does not fall under the header of (the admitedly nebulous concept) of fair comment. As to character, one has to have a reputation to protect. Leon Uris libelled someone in Exodus, and who was awarded a ha'penny in damages on the grounds that the person had been libelled, but due to character etc was deemed to have a character of no value, so to speak. He also got caned for costs. More here. JHL might well be in the same position, and while he might fancy his chances of a McLibel lawyer free lawsuit, he would have to abandon the rest of his life to fight the case. There is no legal aid for defamation, and unlike all other areas of civil litigation, libel suits are automatically terminated by death. There might also be jurisdiction issues given that GF's company is incorporated overseas and Blogger holes up in the Estados.

ANY lawyer would tell JHL to drop it.  

Blogger Newmania said... 2:06 am

Justgot back from the office party(hey hey). I can`t work out what PHITCH was arguing about on Guido . The problem with all these things is whether you have the time to exchange a few wanky letters for no pupose whatsoever.I `m too busy  

Blogger Newmania said... 9:50 am

BTW My interpretive dancing (at the office party) was likened to Isadora Duncan at her most expressive. Had David been there to see it I do not doubt he would have been driven wild with desire Or not .......

Cartoon Characters Fifteen . Yes Jerry Mouse would be a lively number nine, I like Dick dastardly as a scheming flyhalf and the Tasmanian devil at centre

The Actors Fifteen

Wings Snipes and Murphy ( a racist selection admittedly )
Hopkins and Burton the tough all Welsh centre pairing
Donat elegance personified at Fly half
Cagney (the little Emperor ) Number nine
Full Back Lambert a swashbuckling and flamboyant

Hoskins ( No shaving gents )


NO.8b EASTWOOD(great hands)

Tigerish flanker Kirk Douglas (open side )
G Busey blind side executioner

Beat that.!!  

Blogger Rigger Mortice said... 10:34 am

thanks C,informative as ever.

Wish I'd thrown a few myself now.  

Blogger istanbultory said... 2:06 pm

Mr Hitchens has manfully served the public interest at Guido's place. A rip-roaringly good performance. Spell-binding in its intensity.  

Blogger Croydonian said... 2:31 pm

He has done much to add to the gaiety of the blogosphere. A little light googling of JHL discloses rather a lot, and I do have to wonder about someone who only appreciated that being burgled is traumatic when it happened to him, or that a killer's victims sometimes have relatives who grieve.  

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