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Flying in the face of common sense

Those no doubt wonderful people at Trip Advisor have unveiled a survey on airline passengers' likes and dislikes. Source (requires registration)

First the sensible bit: A comfortable seat is the number one priority.

What else might one be concerned about? Well, if a Trip Advisor 'community' member, it is to have a clean (reasonable enough) lavatory, but also a roomy one. I would have thought that claustrophobics fought shy of clambering into junk metal in the air anyway. Then a clean pillow / blanket. Given that airline pillows are about the size of pin cushions and the blankets would leave the average midget shivering, I would have thought the average Trip Communard would be better off packing his or her own, erm, seat linen.

Thence to in flight snacks. I think that the 36% who claim fresh fruit / veg as their preferred snack are lying. Celeriac slices all round, maybe? Flipping TA's figures around, some 64% think that 'free' snacks are worth paying extra for.

Continuing with the epic levels of dishonesty, the communards rate mineral water as the top liquid freebie. Yeah, right. Men are marginally more honest than the ladies, with 36% vs 25% opting for booze of some description. Mine's a Bloody Mary.

Elsewhere, 56% of my compatriots claim to buy from in-flight catalogues. Do airlines pump mind-altering substances through the air con, perhaps?

Southwest rates as the worst airline for amenities, followed by Ryanair. I can only assume that a lot of travellers have yet to experience a Ryanair 'makes a veal crate seen like Elysium' flight.

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Anonymous verity said... 4:47 pm

O/T - Get ready for a big disappointment. If the hostages had really been freed, they would have been aboard a British armed forces helicopter headed for England right now, rather than being held overnight.

When Amireallymad announced their release, it was only around 7:00 p.m. in Iran. Why not fly them out immediately? If they didn't want a British armed services helicopter to land in Teheran, how about a commercial flight? I'm pretty certain the ticket agents on Lufthansa, Air France, American Airlines or whatever would have accepted an IOU from the British government for their fares.

Never underestimate the sly, self-congratulatory oiliness of muslims.

Look forward to hearing tomorrow that their passports weren't in order. They didn't have a visa stamp giving them permission to be kidnapped. Or they will have some outstanding library fines that need to be settled up before they're allowed out of the country.

It will take all day Thursday to "think this through". Then, of course, it's Friday arses-in-the-air-for-god day. Can't do anything on Friday, because they're all in the mosque.

Then, did they say Mo's birthday's coming up? Public holidays!! Mint tea! Hmmmm ... problem, but I am sure they will work on sorting it out sometime later in the month.

Don't count on our sailors and marines being home tomorrow.

BTW, The Telegraph, the other day slipped up and referred to "the Prophet Mohammad". Of course, it should have read "the islamic prophet mohammad".  

Anonymous verity said... 9:52 pm

I apologise,Croydonian. I didn't mean to kill this thread.  

Blogger Croydonian said... 10:50 pm

V - Not a problem. Threads go where they go.  

Anonymous Tom Paine said... 2:16 am

The thread's not dead, merely sleeping. I don't want to be indelicate, but as a larger gentleman, I can quite understand that passengers cited a roomy lavatory as a good thing on an aeroplane.

Facing 17 hours in the air today, I shall also be grateful for the airline pillows and blankets. The idea of carrying your own is a remarkable one, C. I have been on the road for 10 days so far and am running out of linen. Had I had to make room for in my baggage for bedding, I would be in trouble. Given Britain's ludicrous carry-on restrictions at present, I would also have had to leave the laptop at home. Unthinkable!

Despite being of the larger persuasion, I can quite believe that people said they preferred lighter foods and mineral water in flight. Indigestion at 30,000 feet, while confined in cramped conditions is not good. If I ate on the ground, the stuff I prefer in the air, I would be as slender as you, C.

Finally, Verity, thread-killing and your courteous "O/T" apart, why post that here? The whole British blogosphere is talking about the hostage crisis and you comment on it at a post about aeroplane lavatories!  

Anonymous verity said... 3:05 am

Tom Paine - I hadn't realised this thread was about lavatories, although your vivid commentary certainly alerted me to the fact that one should stay downwind of you at all costs. I don't know how downwind translates on a plane but I know I would probably move with alacrity to wherever there was a free seat.

Or fly business.

I posted here because I am a serial poster here. I am comfortable here. I like the people here.

And you?  

Anonymous nomad said... 4:48 am

I have flown hundreds of thousands of miles - admittedly much of it in business class which by and large is fine - but occasionally I do venture to the rear of the plane where my list of improvements would include:
(i) more efficient check in procedures; endless queues and surly (no doubt hard-pressed) staff do not improve one's mood even before the journey has started;
(ii) more leg room; it gets very uncomfortable not to be able to properly cross one's legs for several hours, something which could be achieved with just two or three more inches between seats. The voracity of the airlines in squeezing in a few more passengers to the detriment of everybody on board is disgusting;
(iii) the ability to determine who plans to be the only person in the plane working on his/her laptop all night and choose not to sit anywhere near them;
(iv) serious implementation of the rules on carry-on bags. Far too many travellers bring on huge wheelie bins or rucksacks which take up far too much space in the overhead boxes, leaving little or nothing left for later boarders;
(v) revert to proper cutlery instead of that brittle plastic crap now offered. The unwarranted paranoia about metal objects on planes is now way beyond a joke; and in any case the metal knives offered are usually as blunt as hell anyway.

I am also of the view that children under 10 should be banned from business class. One does not pay all that extra cash to be seated next to a smelly, squawking brat for hours on end.

Finally, I simply do not believe the number given for on-board purchases. I suspect that under a dozen passengers on average ever buy on board. I also happen to think that pre-flight duty free sales of liquor and cigarettes should be banned. These unwieldy items also take up far too much cabin space as well as adding to the weight (and given the inflammable nature of much of it, danger) and therefore fuel consumption of the plane. Such items should be available at airside duty free shops at destination, as indeed is the case now at many airports around the world.  

Blogger Croydonian said... 8:52 am

Tom, I stand, erm, better informed.

As to epic meanders, they are fine by me. I generally steer clear of the big news of the day as it will have been done by plenty of other folk, but I'm quite happy to let those tales surface here if my regulars want to comment.

Back to flying, some years back I was heading home from Newark (flights to Gatwick, that's why) and experienced the bizarre process of business / cattle class check in performed by one person. The airline bod placed a foot long red carpet with a velvet ropes to one side and would break off from processing the proles - like me - to attend to anyone on the red carpet. It was quite surreal.  

Anonymous hg said... 9:20 am

When I was escaping from Gordon Brown I had to do lots of to-ing and fro-ing on Ryanair; they usually were on time and always clean.

Charles Burney was held up for days at Dover because he'd forgotten his sword and it had to be forwarded on from home; Forster thought the train ride to Italy was so awful and interminable it wasn't made up for by Italy when he finally got there. Now, a largish handbag with travel documents, wallet, and book and hankie does it on what are essentially short bus journeys.
The problems came from people with masses of luggage, as if they were leaving for ever to somewhere without goods or services of any kind , or travelling to another century.

Verity says ' I am comfortable here.' I often come here for a quiet sit down and a good read too.  

Anonymous holesquare said... 11:45 am

tough sh*t, Verity, they're home  

Anonymous verity said... 1:35 pm

Hole Square - Thank you for your old world charm and courtesy.

I didn't say I wanted them held; I said the Iranians would in all likelihood hang onto them for another couple of days before kindly releasing them. I must admit I was surprised to get up this morning and read they were home in Britain. Frankly, given their comportment, I don't really care either way, except for the national insult to Britain.

Nomad - Well, yes, more legroom in Economy, except that two or three extra inches in front of your knees and everyone else's knees translates into a couple of extra rows of marketable seats. So it is not going to happen.

Business class is better, obviously, and First is best.

I am in total accord regarding what people are allowed to bring into the cabin with them. As HG said, there seem to be tens of thousands of people moving to the wilderness where there are no microwaves, cartons of pots and pans or small refrigerators. It is so rare that the onboard staff turn these people away that it must be company policy that anything goes.

What is more, these people board before their seat row is called, so by the time the last few rows are called, the overhead bins are stuffed full of non-luggage items.  

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