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Charles Kennedy

The business of his boozing is back. It all reminds me of the old saw that an alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks more than you do.

Meanwhile, Charles missed out on a golden opportunity when the men & women with grey sandals came to offer him the LD equivalent of a pistol and a bottle of scotch, whatever that might be. He should have read 'How to ace your intervention'.

Given the gallery of grotesques that make up the parliamentary LDs, the Counter Attack section would have been useful:

Now that you’ve blunted their savage assault, it’s high time to launch your own vengeful attack. The only people bold enough to conduct an intervention are those who consider themselves very close to you, so you most likely will know more than a little about their habits. And everyone, even Mother Theresa, has bad habits. Attack these flaws with a strident, yet deeply concerned tone.

If one of them is overweight, point out that being obese is very bad for the heart and his gluttony is putting his life in great jeopardy. If one of them smokes, point out the dangers of second-hand smoke, and remark that at least when you’re drinking you don’t go around spitting bourbon into people’s mouths. If one of them doesn’t drink at all, point out that not drinking is as dangerous to the heart as being morbidly obese, and they will die years before even the heavy drinker. If one of them drives an SUV, inform her she is selfishly destroying the environment and the future of her children. If one smokes pot or uses other drugs, ask him why he would take away your perfectly legal system of killing stress and adding pleasure to life. Say, “You look agitated, Ralph, sure you don’t want to go smoke one of your doobies? Isn’t it time to pop a Valium, Joan? Score any cocaine lately, Sammy Boy?” Get on your feet and ask if you have the right to force them to change their personal habits.

I think he might have pulled it off.


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Blogger The Hitch said... 10:46 am

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.  

Blogger The Hitch said... 10:47 am

who told you about modern drunkard?
its very funny  

Blogger Croydonian said... 10:53 am

Not sure how I found it / who pointed it out to me, but yes, it is a gem.  

Anonymous Anonymous said... 11:22 pm

Croydonian, methinks you're feeling sorry for CK? I did at the time, and feel even more sorry for him now for having to deal with Matthew Taylor.

The only thing Ming's doing is hope they hold the balance of power at the next GE, there is supposedly a deal with his old Edinburgh mate Gordon ready and waiting.  

Blogger Croydonian said... 11:41 pm

AJH - I think on a human level you have to. Did I want him leading the country? - Noo. But do I think he is basically a decent, if flawed, fellow who got shafted by envious opportunists? Yes.  

Anonymous Anonymous said... 8:39 pm

I certainly voted Lib in the last two elections as he was the only person I did want running the country as he seemed human and didnt want to start an unnecessary war.

Too many Libs have too high opinion of themselves, Thether being my pet hate, although Taylor is a close second.

Maybe if they debated policy as much as they did CK, people might know who they are and what they stand for apart from prohibition presumably.  

Blogger Croydonian said... 9:03 pm

I'm none too keen on the hamster faced Tether, but she hasn't overtaken my two leading LD betes noir, the deeply odious Jenny Tonge and the still more odious Jackie Ballard.

Meanwhile, I will never again be able to see a Calvin Klein 'CK' logo without thinking of Kennedy. Oh dear.  

Anonymous Anonymous said... 9:26 pm

There is a distinct lack of female LD talent, Julia Goldsworthy excepted.

Im begining to wonder who exactly might be in the Cabinet if there is a coalition; Ming I suppose and thats it at senior level, although maybe Guido's fave Nick Clegg.

No recovering alkys allowed, apart from the Home Sec obviously.  

Blogger Croydonian said... 10:25 pm

I suspect Ming fancies himself as the Genscher to Broon's Schmidt/ Kohl, as to Clegg etc, there might be a minor cabinet post, but nothing huge I imagine.

Re Ballard/Tonge, I was taking issues with their politics....  

Anonymous Anonymous said... 11:57 pm

Yes, and so was I. Although Goldsworthy did make the most of her er, talents on that C4 celebs athletics reality thingy. (Good to see Caroline Flint take up the baton for fitness, or something.)

No one took JT and JB seriously when they had shadow posts, but Goldsworthy seems to be doing ok, if only shadow economic sec.

You cant expect to make much headway against Ed Balls of all people, he's been the real Chancellor for years...  

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