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The most soul-crushing phrases in the English language

The worst four words - "As seen on TV"

As to the worst seven, it is a toss up between the following:

"We need to talk about our relationship" and "A replacement bus service is in operation".

Nominations for other candidates are most welcome.

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Blogger molesworth 1 said... 2:16 pm

"Hi! We're from the Government & we're here to help!"  



Blogger Croydonian said... 2:35 pm

As nominated by Ronald Reagan too, I believe.  



Blogger Plato said... 2:39 pm

The Best Of...

With added fibre

Alcohol free :)  



Blogger Croydonian said... 2:48 pm

'Decaffeinated'.  



Anonymous Anonymous said... 2:57 pm

The last time I caught a replacement bus service (Bolton - Manchester Airport) it was considerably faster than the train.  



Blogger Tory Poppins said... 2:58 pm

"It's not you it's me!  



Blogger Stuffed White Cabbage said... 3:02 pm

...and change where necessary.  



Blogger Croydonian said... 3:06 pm

Good stuff folks. Keep them coming.  



Blogger Damon Lord said... 3:27 pm

"He/She/They (usually a financial institution in the current climate) have my fullest confidence and support"  



Blogger Idle Pen Pusher said... 4:38 pm

No 1: [insert local area]'s vibrant [insert foreign nationality adjective] community

As found in local council and quango documents.

eg. "Tower Hamlets' vibrant Somali community"

No 2: "Due to the unique way we are funded"  



Blogger ScotsToryB said... 6:01 pm

4 words: I love you, but.

7: I still love you, but, you know.


STB.  



Blogger Croydonian said... 7:24 pm

'Workshop' - when not involving light engineering.  



Anonymous Geoff said... 11:46 pm

"Have you tried rebooting it?"  



Blogger Edwin Greenwood said... 2:24 pm

"Mind the gap between the platform edge and the train, please."

"When leaving the train, please remember to take all your belongings with you. Please do not leave items of luggage unattended in the train or on the station."

"Due to the wet weather, surfaces may be slippery."

"24-hour CCTV is in operation at this station for your safety and security."

I wouldn't mind so much if they occasionally actually gave some actual service information as well, like when or if the by now seriously delayed train is expected to arrive.

Sometimes on the new Class 376 suburban trains in SE London, the driver will run through the whole repertoire of recorded announcements, presumably for a laugh. It's only amusing the first time.  



Blogger Edwin Greenwood said... 2:27 pm

Oh yes, and

"Keyboard missing, press F1 to continue"

especially on a server, with no keyboard in sight and with the backside of the machine pretty well inaccessible in a makeshift rack.  



Blogger Croydonian said... 2:35 pm

Edwin - Ordeal by rail in this country is a cruel and unusual punishment. My late father suffered Shenfield to Liverpool St daily for 20 or so years, and could put up with the delays but was infuriated by the lack of useful information ever put out over the PA systems.

Some years back an announcer on an inter city train I was on signed off by hoping that we had 'enjoyed our pleasant journey'. A tad presumptious, but a kind sentiment I suppose.  



Blogger hatfield girl said... 9:02 pm

Incoming from Birmingham we were once regaled with,

"We are now making our final approach to Euston."  



Blogger Croydonian said... 9:54 pm

There's a site out there somewhere where someone collects station and driver announcements on the tube.

(Pause while I look for it)

Here tis.  



Blogger Nick Drew said... 10:31 am

3:

- and another thing

- the #1 bestseller  



Blogger Croydonian said... 1:52 pm

'Made for television'  



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